


Stubborn Love

by waterbottlehead



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:59:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 64,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7945597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbottlehead/pseuds/waterbottlehead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Ashlyn and Ali go their separate ways after having a drunken one night stand. What happens when Ashlyn is assigned as the new Chief of Detectives in town and Ali, a stubborn Forensics Tech, is forced to work with her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

"Hey is this seat taken?" Ashlyn asked as she walked up to the bar. It had been a hard day today. Well, every day of her life was hard. Miserable, in fact, but she had learned to deal with it. But today… today was out of the ordinary hard. Today she had left a place she had worked at for what seemed like forever; a place that she called home most nights, a job that was her life. She had decided she needed a change. 

A change. She laughed to herself and shook her head before asking the barkeeper for a bottle of whiskey and a glass as she got ready to fall into a full blown stupor. 

\-----

"A shot of JD please." Ali said, taking the only available seat at the crowded bar which was in the far corner and pretty secluded which she liked. She only had a stool on one side of her for others to sit. Only one person. One person to annoy her when she wanted to be alone this fine evening. Fine… she laughed to herself, what a joke that was. "You know what, make it a double." 

The barkeeper nodded and prepared her drink before giving it to her. 

\-----

Ashlyn was still seated at the other end of the bar, drinking away her sorrows. She had downed almost half a bottle of whiskey and as she looked across the now emptying bar, her vision was a bit fuzzy. She was well on her way to that feeling of oblivion which she longed for when something, or someone rather, caught her eye. 

\-----

Ali ordered two more shots, six in total so far, and she was feeling no more pain which was a good thing because if she did, she would be a mess right now. She raised her glass to chug it when she looked straight across, to the other end of the bar. Things were looking a bit fuzzy but something, someone, caught her eye. She had long blonde hair, and even through her blurry vision, Ali could see she was attractive. 

They locked eyes and Ali held her glass up to which Ashlyn did the same. They nodded and at the same time they drank. Shot after shot they went on like this. Ali and Ashlyn, both just drowning whatever it was they needed to forget.

After about an hour, the barkeeper announced, "Last call. You too, ladies!”

It was only then that Ali noticed that she and the blonde haired woman were the only two left in the bar. 

"I called you a cab, miss." The barkeep told Ali as she started to stand and try to walk at the same time as her drinking partner on the other end of the bar. The barkeeper told Ashlyn the same thing as she too stood unsteadily and made her way towards the door. 

Ali and Ashlyn somehow made it outside. They locked eyes as they stood closely together, both wobbly on their feet, but neither of them spoke and neither of them wanted to. They just looked at each other and it was as if some kind of unspoken agreement passed between them. 

After about fifteen minutes of trying to focus but not quite managing to, a single cab showed up. Still without any words spoken, they both got in.

"Where to?" The driver asked, and the brown and hazel eyes that were still locked, now slightly reddened, both had the same glint in them.

"The nearest hotel." 

Ten minutes later, drunk to drunk, they barely got the room door opened as they started tearing at each others clothes. Ashlyn’s lips crashed upon Ali’s in a fiery attack and Ali’s hands started rubbing every inch of Ashlyn’s skin they could find. 

Ashlyn ripped at Ali’s shirt, causing the buttons to come off and scatter around the room. Ali didn’t care. This woman that she didn’t even know invaded all her senses and somehow managed to drive her crazy in all the right ways. Nothing else in the world mattered, and that was exactly what she wanted. 

She frantically took hold of Ashlyn’s breasts through her bra and started running her fingers underneath the fabric to feel her already hardened nipples. She let out a drunken chuckle as she used her mouth to form her first words to her of the night. She pulled Ashlyn’s body even closer to hers than it was before and, tightly and aggressively, she tugged at her belt. 

"Take them off.” She almost growled into Ashlyn’s ear, and Ashlyn wasted no time doing what Ali had commanded, pushing her pants and her boxers down her legs urgently. She shivered when she saw Ali’s eyes darkening and sighed when the brunette knelt down in front of her and brought her to a place that both of them would barely remember in the morning.

\-----

Two months later

"Nice of you to finally join us, Krieger. The meeting started an hour ago." 

"I’m sorry, uncle Ted. I mean sir." Ali replied with a slight smirk, knowing he was just kidding around. "What's this about?"

"I'm introducing the new Chief of Detectives but she to seems to be running a bit late." Ted explained as he looked up to see the woman in question hurrying towards the conference room. “Speak of the devil. There she is.” 

"Great. I've got work to do." Ali mumbled as she ignored the woman that walked in. 

"Hey wait up, Ali. This is Ashlyn Harris. Treat her with respect, will you? Like I said, she's your new supervisor.” 

“Yeah, I heard you loud and clear the first time.” Ali said with an annoyed sigh, and when she finally looked up, her mouth fell open. 

Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

As Ali stared at Ashlyn, she suddenly felt sick and quickly took a seat in the back so the blonde wouldn't see her. Out of all people, the woman she had a one night stand with showed up and now she was her boss. Her superior, technically, because Ali was forensics so she answered to Ted, but she interacted with the Chief of Detectives most of the time. Almost every case. 

She sighed and buried her face in her hands. 

In the meantime, Ashlyn spoke to the squad. She was exact with her words and clear in her intentions. She was here to work and she expected a hundred percent effort from all of them. Each and every one of them. 

"Alright, everyone get back to work." Ted announced as he approached Ashlyn and shook her hand. "Good to have you here, lieutenant. You will definitely be an asset to our department.” He saw a flash of Ali’s dark hair out of the corner of his eye and turned to her. "Hey Krieger, come and personally meet the woman you'll be spending so much time with." 

Ali heard the commissioner and fought the urge to groan. She knew that there was no point in stalling since she would have to face Ashlyn sooner or later anyway, so she forced a smile onto her face and walked up to the two, hoping that Ashlyn had been too drunk to remember anything. 

“Ashlyn, this is Ali Krieger aka my top Forensics Tech. She’s my niece." Ted said as he introduced them, whispering the last part as if it was some kind of secret. 

Ashlyn froze for a moment. Although everything was a bit fuzzy from that night, she was pretty sure she knew who she was looking at. She wasn’t completely sure until an officer walked up to Ali to ask her something and Ali spoke. 

"I told you I would have your DNA analysis by noon. It’s only ten. Go away." 

Ashlyn shook her head, trying to hide her smile. She would recognize that commanding voice anywhere. Drunk, sober, or even deaf. She would know. 

Ali dealt with the nagging officer who wanted his reports, and then turned around and knew she had to shake Ashlyn’s hand; the hands that she so vaguely remembered up and down her body. Play it cool, she thought to herself, she was probably too drunk to remember you. 

"Nice to meet you, Harris.” She said as they shook hands, and when Ashlyn smirked, she knew that she was wrong before. Ashlyn remembered.

"Nice to meet you too, Krieger." Ashlyn gave her a wink and she clenched her jaw. Clearly that night was one of the stupidest things she had ever done in her life and now it was coming back to bite her in the ass.

"I've got work to do." She said before quickly leaving the room. 

Ted proceeded to take Ashlyn to what was going to be her office and left her to get to a meeting. Ashlyn began to unpack her stuff and as she looked around, she decided that she liked the room. It was nice. Cozy, almost. 

She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in." She said and looked up to see Ali standing there.

"I was told by uncle Ted to give you this file. It's on a case the old Chief and I were working on together." 

Ashlyn took the file from her and tilted her head a bit. "Thanks. Can I ask you something?" 

Ali wanted to scream inside. She was sure Ashlyn wanted to ask her something about that night while she just wanted to forget it ever happened.

"Sure.” She said politely. 

“Do you think it's a good idea?"

"What?" 

"To be referring to the commissioner as your uncle at work. I don't think it’s very appropriate or professional." Ashlyn told her, and the way she said it, her tone, her demeanor, made her seem like an asshole in Ali’s eyes. Who the hell was she to tell her what to call her uncle? 

Ashlyn saw that she had managed to get under Ali’s skin which was exactly what she wanted. She held back her smile as she saw Ali trying desperately not to get mad at her and explode in her face. “Okay, I think maybe you don't understand how things work around here. This is a small town. Everyone knows everyone. We don’t care much about formalities. Nobody here has a problem with me calling Uncle Ted my uncle because that’s what he is. So if that’s all then please excuse me.” 

Ashlyn nodded and chuckled quietly as Ali stormed out of the door. 

Five minutes later, there was another knock on her door. She looked up to see her older brother.

"Hey, settling in nicely I see." Chris said as he took a seat in front of Ashlyn’s desk. 

"Yeah, just trying to find my bearings. Just trying to fit in." She looked out the window and into the lobby where Ali was talking to some officers. She was even smiling a bit which made Ashlyn smile too, and Chris noticed. He followed her line of sight and shook his head. 

"Ashlyn, she's a no no." He told her as he turned back around.

Ashlyn looked straight into his face. "A no no? Didn't they teach you big words in medical school?" They both laughed and Ashlyn tried to think of a way to change the subject but she couldn’t help but be intrigued. “Why?”

Chris took another look behind him to see Ali bending down for something. He turned to see Ashlyn's eyes widen and he snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Ashlyn, there are more reasons than you could possibly imagine so I'll just spell out the obvious ones like the two of you working together, side by side probably." 

"So, what else? You said there were more reasons." 

“There are plenty of reasons. Ali is somewhat of a friend of mine. She really is great but... but... she's been involved with a few people around town and... well..." 

"Are you saying she's easy?" 

"Oh no. She's anything but easy. Anyone involved with her just ends up... let’s just say she can make the strongest people cry and we'll leave it at that.”

Ashlyn heard Chris’s words and decided that he was right. She shouldn’t and wouldn't be putting effort into finding out more about Ali because she was just a colleague; someone she would be working closely with. She had to just try and get that night, that long night of mind blowing sex, out of her head. 

Chris and Ashlyn caught up on things and made plans to meet up for dinner. Chris was about to leave when there was a knock on the door. 

"Come in." Ashlyn said, and just like before, Ali walked in. 

"We've got a hit and run. I'm heading over there now. Oh... hi Chris. How are you?" 

Her stomach dropped when she realized that Ashlyn must be Chris’s sister. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t put two and two together before. This was getting worse by the minute. She looked between the two of them and got a weird vibe. What if Ashlyn had been telling Chris about their drunken night of sex? She had hoped to just ignore this whole situation but maybe it was time to address it. She couldn’t risk having Ashlyn going around town telling everyone. 

“Hey Ali.” Chris smiled at her.

"I haven't had time to learn the area much. Give me a minute and I'll ride with you." Ashlyn told her, carefully studying her face. She looked as white as a ghost. Ashlyn shrugged it off and waited for Ali to leave her office before telling Chris she’d see him later.

She met Ali outside by her truck and they both got in. In complete silence, they drove to the scene of the accident. After a few minutes of awkwardness, Ali decided she needed to say something. Anything. 

"We are going to have to have a little talk about that night." She said, wanting to control the conversation. She wanted Ashlyn to know that she was no pushover and what happened between them wouldn't be happening again.

"What night?" Ashlyn asked as she smirked a bit.

Ali turned her body slightly as she drove and wanted so badly to tell Ashlyn to fuck off, but she contained herself. "You know, you really are an ass. Thank God I was too drunk that night to remember anything but your face." 

Ashlyn turned serious for a bit. Did Ali really not remember that night? It was all she could think about. That night, she was brought to some... She shook her head, not knowing how to describe the place Ali had brought her to over and over again. 

"Don't really think you were that drunk by the third orgasm. Definitely not by the fourth and oh, let’s not forget the fifth in the chair." She said smugly, and Ali’s face turned red. 

"Listen, if I could remember it, I'm sure there was no third, fourth or fifth time in any chair. As a matter of fact, as I was checking you out earlier when you were climbing the stairs, I'm very doubtful there was even a second time. Your stamina isn’t, how should I put it, great." 

Ashlyn couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “So you were checking me out, huh?” 

“Are you always this arrogant or are you making a special effort today?” 

Ashlyn shrugged. “Only when the people I talk to are so defensive.”

Ali rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything so Ashlyn sighed and stared outside.

\-----

Ashlyn glared at Ali for a minute as they approached the scene. They hadn’t spoken a word since their earlier conversation and she felt like it was for the best. 

They both jumped out of the truck and Ali walked over towards the ambulance that was on the sight and waved hello to the EMTs as she walked to the gurney with the victim on it.

She pulled the sheet off of him for a minute and looked at him. Poor guy. He was in his twenties and good looking with black hair that was a bit unkempt. She was still looking over the dead man when Ashlyn came up behind her. She leaned in near Ali’s ear purposely as she spoke. 

"I found his wallet in the bushes. He must have lost it when the car hit him." She said as she saw Ali move away from her. 

Was she making her nervous? She shook it off. This was work. Nothing interfered with her work. Not even Ali and her sexy body, she thought as Ali leaned down to pick something up off the ground. She gulped when she saw a glimpse down the brunette’s shirt as she retrieved a piece of evidence. She started to sweat a bit and opened the first button on her blouse. 

"What did you find?" She asked, and Ali showed her the bag. 

"A cigarette bud." 

"And why do you think it has anything to do with this?" Ashlyn asked with a condescending tone, almost like she thought Ali was wrong. 

Ali gave her an annoyed look. "Because it’s pretty fresh. It may or may not have anything to do with the case but... if it does and we don't process it, we could be overlooking key evidence."

"What will you do with it?" Ashlyn asked, and Ali was starting to feel like a trainee with the way Ashlyn asked questions, like she was some sort of rookie on her first assignment. 

"I'll run all the proper tests. DNA to start with. There's lipstick on it, you see? Anyway, if that’s all, I'd like to get back to inspecting the area." 

"No more questions for now but don't go far, I may have a few more later." Ashlyn told her snidely as if putting her in her place. This was her scene. She called the shots. 

Ali rolled her eyes and walked about ten feet away from where the man was found. She knelt down and looked at the rubber markings made by tires. Skid marks, she concluded, as Ashlyn once again walked closer to her. 

"Someone left in a hurry.” She said as if it wasn’t obvious, and Ali bit her lip to keep from telling her ‘no shit’. She ignored Ashlyn and stood up to walk around and make sure they hadn't missed any evidence. 

Ashlyn followed a few feet behind, just far enough to watch her ass move as she walked around. She bit the inside of her cheek, hard, hoping the pain would help keep her distracted from thoughts of that night. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked herself out loud.

"Excuse me?” Ali turned around, thinking Ashlyn was speaking to her. Ashlyn shook her head and looked up at her, and when her hazel eyes met her brown ones, she quickly looked away. She was afraid she might be weakened by them, afraid of remembering the dark tone they held when she was excited. She cleared her throat. "I'm done. When you’re ready we can leave.” 

Ashlyn nodded. "One final walk around and I'll be with you."

It didn’t take long before Ashlyn was finished and soon they were once again silently sitting in the truck. Ashlyn sighed and decided to try and make conversation.

"Anything coming to you?" 

Ali looked confused for a minute. "Oh, the case. Not yet. I tend not to speculate until all the facts come in and I've looked over all the evidence. To speculate at this time is just a waste of time, energy and brainpower." 

Ashlyn nodded in agreement. That was exactly how she did her cases, using evidence and facts first to guide her. She smiled, realizing for the first time how good Ali really was. 

"You were good.” She said, meaning the work Ali did today; the processing of the scene. Ali, however, didn't like her compliment. She quickly moved the truck to the side of the road, slammed it into park, and looked at Ashlyn angrily.

Ashlyn gulped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments

Chapter 3 

"What?" Ashlyn asked as Ali jumped out of the truck. Her face was still flaming and her body was tense, and Ashlyn could tell. She grinned subtly and followed Ali’s lead, getting out of the vehicle too.

"You jerk!" Ali yelled as she paced back and forth. Ashlyn watched her with a frown. 

"Okay, not understanding what’s going on and what you’re so mad about.” She told her in a leveled, even tone, not wanting to piss her off even more. 

"What you just said in the car, about me being good! Does it ring a bell, asshole?" Ali asked incredulously as she got closer. Ashlyn was actually starting to find the whole situation quite amusing. 

"Alright then. You really need to learn to take a compliment. I meant..." As she went to explain, realization dawned upon her. Ali thought she was complimenting her on her skills in bed. She looked at her and chuckled. Doesn't remember it my ass, she thought. 

"What are you laughing at?" Ali hissed. She was tired of this game.

Ashlyn closed the remaining distance between them and Ali backed up slowly, causing her back to hit the side of the truck. She was almost pinned against it as Ashlyn stood in front of her. Ashlyn leaned in a bit, teasing her, and she saw her eyes start to change partially to the brown desire she had seen that night. She was vulnerable and Ashlyn knew it. 

Ali knew that she had nowhere to turn, to hide, to run. She could push Ashlyn further away from her since she was invading her space, but she didn’t. She was frozen. She saw Ashlyn lick her lips and she couldn't take her eyes off of them. She squared her shoulders a bit. She needed to control this. If anyone was going to be in charge of this next lapse in judgment that she knew was coming, it would be her. 

Ali moved in almost violently. 

She grabbed the back of Ashlyn’s neck with her hand and brought their lips together in a deep kiss. Ashlyn’s hands came up to Ali’s head and knotted in her dark locks as she reciprocated without hesitation. Ali moved Ashlyn backwards as she was unpinned, freed, and brought their bodies even closer together. 

Ashlyn was breathing heavily when Ali suddenly pulled out of the kiss. Ali smiled wickedly as she moved towards the truck without a word. She got in and left Ashlyn there, panting, trying to catch her breath, continuing to still feel Ali’s lips on hers. 

She blinked and realized that Ali was gone. She found her sitting in the driver’s seat of the truck, and quietly got in too. She looked over at her with a serious look, but Ali didn’t even look at her as she started the engine and drove off. 

Ashlyn stared out the window, wondering, thinking, asking herself question after question. Not about the case but about Ali. What was her story? Was she really a control freak in the sense of the term? And if that was the case, what had made her that way if anything at all? She looked over at her again and told herself that it was best not to get involved. 

Ali drove them back to the station. Driving, she sighed, that was what this was all about. The control, the drive. She was right where she wanted to be, in control. Ashlyn was right where she wanted her to be, powerless so to speak, powerless over her emotions. 

They arrived at the station, still no words spoken, and went their own ways. Ashlyn to her office, and Ali to the lab. 

Two hours later, Ali found herself at the local bar. It was a tiring day and she needed a beer. She got one from the bartender and headed over towards the pool table. The place was pretty empty tonight except for only a few stragglers. No one she knew, at least, and she was happy about that because it meant she could relax how she wanted to with a beer and a few uninterrupted games of pool. 

She smiled as she set up the balls. This was her favorite thing to do because there was no talking involved. It was just her, her pool stick and her chalk. All was right in the world. If only for the time when she was playing, tuning out the world. 

Ashlyn walked into the bar Chris had told her to meet him at. At first glance, it looked nice and clean. She was about to sit down when she saw her, at the pool table. She was bent over and Ashlyn’s body moved quicker than her head could process; process the fact that she was off limits. She began to walk towards her but suddenly, Chris stepped in front of her.

"No, Ashlyn." He said sternly, and Ashlyn looked at him in confusion. She felt like a dog who had just been told off. 

“What?” She questioned, and Chris shook his head.

"To interrupt Ali when she’s playing pool is the biggest no no ever…”

"Again with the no no, Chris?" She asked jokingly but not really. Inside, she was a bit pissed that her brother kept warning her against Ali. A flash of heat shot through her body as she saw Ali bending forward again, and she quickly looked away. She opted not to argue with Chris. She was here to have dinner with him and to catch up on the past few years that they had hardly been in touch. She just wanted to have a good time and not make things more complicated by thinking of Ali, by wanting to relive things with her, things she did with her hands, her mouth…

“Come on.” Chris dragged her to a table.

They had just finished up dinner when Chris’s cell phone went off. It was the hospital and he had to go. He turned to Ashlyn one last time as he said goodbye and warned her. "Ash, she’s a no no. Don’t forget.” 

“Again with the no no shit.” She grumbled, and Chris grinned before leaving.

Ali was still playing pool. It had been a few hours and she was enjoying herself. No interruptions, just the game, and she was getting a new perspective on things. On life, so to speak. She was rebuilding her control, the control she was reminded she lost that night with Ashlyn, it was almost back. Just then, she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She looked up.

Of course.

Ashlyn took a stick from the wall and invited herself to start playing pool with Ali. She didn't speak and Ali didn't, either. She just stared as Ashlyn took her first shot. She stood for a few minutes after Ashlyn invited her into her space and she was unsure if she should just leave, or if she should just beat her ass.

She decided on the latter.

They played for a while. Ali didn't scream at Ashlyn, get mad, or even stop playing, which was a relief. Ashlyn watched her. She was good but then again... so was she. Ali won the first two games, a smile never appearing on her face as she did, but Ashlyn won the next two.

Ali was furious, her face turning red. They were tied up at this point, two games to two, when the bartender told them he had to close up. Ali managed to make arrangements with him to close for him when they were done. She needed to beat Ashlyn in this last game.

Still without words to each other, Ali leaned in and set up her shot. She was about to release the stick to hit the 8 ball into the side pocket and win, when her cell phone went off in her pocket. It startled her just as she released the stick and caused her to scratch. She was fuming inside as she took her phone out. It was her mom. She listened closely to the voicemail and felt all the blood drain from her face. 

Ashlyn watched Ali scratch on the 8 ball and she knew it wasn't going to be good. She hadn't known her that long but from what she had seen, she knew she could be short tempered. But, as she watched her listen to her voicemail, she suddenly looked sick. Ashlyn frowned in concern and walked closer to her. She reached out her hand and touched her shoulder and, to her surprise, Ali let her. 

"What is it?" Ashlyn asked softly, and Ali fumbled with her words. 

"My cousin was in a car accident. With my niece.” She said shakily, barely able to finish her sentence.

Still seeming a bit in shock, Ashlyn moved her hand to Ali’s and took it. She guided her to the front door and turned briefly, still holding her hand, still guiding her, and locked up the bar before walking her towards the parking lot. 

"I'll drive you.” She told her and led her to her car.

\-----

Ashlyn drove her to the hospital. She almost looked like she was trembling. She seemed more than upset by the call. Her eyes were glassy and Ashlyn could tell she was trying so hard to keep it together.

They arrived at the hospital and Ashlyn parked the car right in front of the entrance, holding up her badge for the security guard who came out to yell at her. She opened the car door for Ali and guided her inside. She looked around for her family, but... but she didn't know her family, just Ted.

Ashlyn guided Ali into a chair by the frontdesk before asking the nurse to page Chris for her. Chris would know what was going on. He would guide her towards Ali’s family. 

She turned back around to see a dark haired man walk up to Ali. Her family, Ashlyn thought, as she approached the two of them. She listened to the man’s words and she saw Ali straighten up. She was back to her old self, out of her funk, and she had a determined look on her face. The man’s words seemed to work.

Ali stood up and walked right past Ashlyn towards the elevator, leaving her behind feeling slightly dejected.

As Ali listed to her brother, she came out of her state of shock, her state of vulnerability, and pulled herself together. She followed Kyle towards the elevator and looked at Ashlyn for a moment. She searched for her hazel eyes so she could acknowledge her somehow and at least show some sort of appreciation, but Ashlyn was staring at the floor. 

Ali was confused. She had shown Ashlyn a part of who she was; a part she never let anyone see, and yet... yet she wasn't pissed by it. She was just confused by it. However, she couldn't take the time now to think about it. She needed to concentrate on her family.

Ashlyn was pulled back to reality when Chris approached her. "Hey, you paged me? What's going on?" 

"Nothing... I brought Ali here. Apparently her cousin and her niece were in some kind of accident?" 

"Yeah, they were brought in earlier tonight but they’re fine.” Chris replied, and then realized what Ashlyn had said. "So... you brought Ali here? What's that all about? Didn't you listen to what I told you?"

Ashlyn gave him a sour look. "No comment." 

Chris laughed. "You know Ash… someday... someday you'll be telling me I'm right. Right because she broke that sensitive little heart of yours in two." 

"Don't worry so much, Chris. I ain't that fragile." 

With that, Ashlyn left the hospital. Now that she knew that Ali’s family would be alright, there was no need for her to stick around anymore.

\----

Later that night, Ali returned home. It was very late and all she wanted to do was get undressed and go to bed. She had stayed with her family for most of the night, just to make sure that they were alright, and after speaking with the doctor she decided it was safe to leave. 

Ali got under the covers in bed. She was exhausted but she wasn't sure if it was even worth it to try and sleep since she had work in less than five hours. She stared up at the ceiling as she thought about everything that happened today. Or yesterday, actually. 

She had not only come face to face with Ashlyn, but she needed to work with her day in and day out. She shook her head as she closed her eyes, trying to fall into that much needed sleep. How could she be so damn stupid? She rolled onto her side and closed her eyes tighter as if the tightness would block things out; block out the things that were bothering her.

Her thoughts almost immediately wandered to Ashlyn. She was such a jerk for bringing up the fact that they had slept together. A lapse in judgment, that was all it was, and Ashlyn was such an ass but then… then they played pool together and Ali had genuinely enjoyed herself. Ashlyn had been so nice after she freaked out… helping her, driving her to the hospital.

"Shut up, Ali.” She told herself, hostile almost. "Don't go down that road." 

Ali knew she couldn't be thinking Ashlyn was nice. She was an ass. If Ali thought she was nice, she might have another lapse in judgement. Then where would she be? Would she make yet another mistake and sleep with her? Or even worse, make a huge mistake and fall for her?

She shook her head. No way.

\-----

Five hours later, sometime around eight, Ali walked into the station. 

Ashlyn was sitting at her desk when she saw Ali. She was surprised because she hadn’t expected her to show up. She saw her head towards the lab and she quickly left her office to catch up with her. 

"Hey, how's your cousin?" She asked her softly, but Ali seemed determined to just walk past her. She was starting to when Ashlyn put her hand out in front of her to stop her. "Hey, what's wrong with you?" 

"I'm fine, lieutenant. My cousin is fine too. Thank you for asking. Now excuse me, I have work to do." 

Ashlyn stood there for a few minutes, frozen, as she still felt the coldness even after Ali walked away. She was so confused. First Ali kissed her but left her high and dry. Then they had some kind of breakthrough, that’s what Ashlyn thought anyway, and now she was being pushed away again. She was tired of these mixed signals.

She shook her head and decided to ignore it for now. Although it was really starting to bother her that Ali seemed to be back to her distant ways towards her, even after the small bit of progress they seemed to have made last night. But, they were at work. This wasn't the time or place. 

Ashlyn walked back into her office. She looked out the window and noticed the rain starting to fall. The sky was pitch black and Ashlyn knew that there was a thunderstorm coming. She bit her lip and took a seat, trying to bury herself in paperwork. 

The day went by slowly; extremely slow. The storm outside seemed to still be brewing, continuing to move closer, as the rain poured down. Ashlyn looked at her watch and saw that it was only two. She sighed. It was going to be a long day. 

A few minutes later, Ted popped his head into her office. "Harris, this storm is causing chaos all over town. I need you to head up the mountain. There's a possible homicide at one of the cabins just over the bridge. Take Ali with you." 

Ashlyn suppressed a groan. Alone in a car with Ali again. Great.

\-----

Ashlyn met Ali at her car. The brunette walked over to her and she didn't look happy. What else is new, Ashlyn thought to herself. 

"We aren't taking your car." She spat out, and Ashlyn looked at her with a frown as she watched her start to walk towards her truck.

“Hey!" She called after her. 

She turned briefly and raised her eyebrows. "Yes, lieutenant?" 

"If I say we’re taking my car, we’re taking my car. I'm the superior officer here." Ashlyn said, and Ali had to bite her tongue to not yell back at her. 

"Sorry ma’am.” She said sarcastically. “If you would like to take your car, I will follow you with my truck." 

"Fine, follow behind. And later after we are done taking care of things, we'll have a nice talk about your attitude towards me at work." 

“Fine.” Ali snapped, getting into her truck without another word.

They drove towards the mountain. Most of the streets were flooded and Ashlyn was having a bit of a hard time moving through the standing rainwater with her car. Ali drove in her truck behind her and she could tell that Ashlyn’s car was having a hard time wading through the water.

Finally, Ashlyn came to a huge body of water at the bridge leading towards the mountain and she stopped her car off on the side of the road before she got too close. She got out, and Ali drove closer to her with a knowing smirk, but not too close. She would make her walk in the rain for a bit, but not too long because she didn’t want her to get sick. She did have a conscious after all.

"Try not to get my truck all wet." She told her as they exchanged glares after Ashlyn slid into the passenger’s seat. 

"Just fucking drive.” Ashlyn mumbled angrily.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ali and Ashlyn drove over the flooded bridge in silence, both fuming inside, both under the other’s skin, both wanting to be anywhere other than together at this point. 

They arrived at the second bridge leading right towards the cabin they needed to investigate and Ali stopped her truck. "Shit!” She cursed as she looked at Ashlyn. “This bridge is washed out.”

"Is there any other way to get over there?" Ashlyn asked, and Ali shook her head. 

"There's no way. We're not going to be able to investigate anything tonight, at least not until they get the bridge fixed and the rain stops." 

A crack of thunder suddenly sounded in the air. It was a loud, crisp, exact sound and it was close. Ashlyn’s eyes shifted to Ali and her eyebrows pinched together when she noticed that the brunette was trembling. She physically flinched when another crack of thunder sounded, and Ashlyn realized… she was afraid. 

She reached her hand out to Ali, to place it on hers that was still on the steering wheel, but Ali pulled away as soon as she made contact. Ashlyn sighed dejectedly and folded her hands in her lap. Did Ali really hate her that much? 

Ali heard Ashlyn’s sigh, and it sounded so sad that she momentarily felt guilty. She shrugged it off, though, and drove back towards the first bridge, the one that brought them to the mountain, and stopped short just in time. 

"Fuck!” She screamed as she almost drove them off the bridge that was now collapsed in the water. She contemplated her options and froze again as more thunder sounded, trying to regain her bearings before driving in the opposite direction of the bridge. "We won’t be able to get back to town tonight.” 

Ashlyn looked at her with wide eyes. "Where are you going?” 

"My grandfather has a lodge not far from here. We can spend the night there." Ali told her and when she saw the nervous expression on her face, she even offered her a smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll be safe there.”

Ali confused Ashlyn. One moment, she was hostile towards her, and the next moment she was kind. She had given up on trying to figure her out. What was the point when Ali clearly didn’t want anything to do with her? She sighed and leaned her head against the window. They would spend a whole night together again but Ashlyn knew that this time Ali didn’t like her as much as she did last time and she wasn’t drunk either. 

This was going to be awful.

Ali heard the thunder a few more times and she tried so hard not to let it affect her; not to let it bring her to that place she had been trying so hard to forget about for years now.

She concentrated on the road and felt bad when she saw the look on Ashlyn’s face. It was obvious that she wanted to be anywhere but here, and Ali couldn’t blame her. But it was either this, or spend the night in the truck parked somewhere, and that, that was definitely not an option. 

Ali parked the truck next to the lodge and they made a run for the front door, getting soaked in the process. Now freezing, Ali searched the front porch for the extra key. She found it and quickly unlocked the door. As Ashlyn walked inside, she took a moment to look around. The place was quite nice. There were a few pictures on the rustic mantle above the fireplace but not many.

Ashlyn watched Ali silently. She was soaked. Her shirt clung to her body, to every curve of her body, and Ashlyn had to stop her thinking, her almost imagining, her remembering of what her breasts tasted like. She forced herself to clear her head before she embarrassed herself by doing something she knew Ali wouldn't want her to. 

The first thing Ali did when she walked into the lodge was go straight to the fireplace. There was still some wood there from last time someone was up. Enough wood for them to warm up but not enough in case they had to stay there longer than expected. They would need to warm up in other ways, then; ways that Ali wanted more than she would ever admit. 

She shook her head, not wanting her mind to go there. As she looked at Ashlyn, the subtle blush on her cheeks told her that the blonde’s mind had already wandered off.

"Let me help you." She said as she saw her carrying piles of wood towards the fireplace.

"No I've got it.”

Ashlyn sighed and stood back as Ali began to build the fire. It was clear that she knew what she was doing and at first Ashlyn was surprised but then she wondered why she would be. From what she had learned about Ali so far, the woman seemed pretty self sufficient. 

Ashlyn felt awkward standing there, shuffling from foot to foot. It wasn’t that Ali was doing anything in particular to make her feel unwelcome but she still felt that way. Maybe she had pushed Ali too far with her teasing, but Ali could at least pretend not to hate her. 

Ali walked to the dresser near the bed in the other room and looked through the drawer which unfortunately didn't have a lot of clothes in it. "Here.” She told Ashlyn, throwing a t-shirt to her. “Go change in the bathroom.”

Just as Ashlyn was about to say something, a crack of thunder stopped her, and she saw Ali freeze up again, just like before.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly as she moved closer to Ali, but Ali backed up a bit so she stopped. She let out a sad sigh. Ali didn’t want her near, even if she was afraid, even if she was in a vulnerable state. Ashlyn recognized her need and desire to be strong, because she used to be like that, but still, she wished that she would give her a chance to show her that she wasn’t the enemy. 

"The bathroom’s the door on the left. The other door's a closet." 

Ali sighed a sigh of relief as Ashlyn left the room. She went over to the bed and sat down as she continued to listen to the thunder. It wasn't going away and she knew Ashlyn could see that it was getting to her. 

She glanced over towards the bathroom when she heard Ashlyn coming out. They locked eyes for a moment before Ali let her gaze wander down Ashlyn’s body - her eyes followed her long, toned legs, stopped for a while on her boxers, and then moved up to the t-shirt that hugged her muscular torso tightly. 

Ali wasn't sure if she wanted to smile or cry at that moment. This would be hard. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to keep her distance. Not when Ashlyn looked so attractive, and so uncharacteristically childlike at the same time. Where Ali expected to find a smirk, she found a shyness she wasn’t familiar with, and as she watched Ashlyn squirm in front of her, an unexpected feeling of protectiveness washed over her.

“You okay?”

“My pants… are wet.” Ashlyn said awkwardly. 

Ali fought back a chuckle and nodded in understanding. “Put them by the fireplace to dry.”

When Ashlyn returned a minute later, she sat down next to Ali on the bed. Ali held her breath at the closeness, afraid to move, and waited for Ashlyn to say something. "I think maybe we should talk about the tension between us at work. Maybe about other things too once… once you've changed. You're still soaked." 

Ali didn’t know what to say. This was all unraveling too fast. She wanted nothing more than to just forget, forget it all, ignore it, maybe just have sex with Ashlyn again, but not let her get so close. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded her head as she got off the bed, finding a t-shirt for herself before heading for the bathroom.

Ashlyn thought about what a mess she was; she was a huge mess, wasn't she? She didn’t know why she cared so much. She thought that maybe it was because she had once been a huge mess herself… she still was sometimes. 

Ali walked out of the bathroom in just a t-shirt and underwear as well, and when she gave Ashlyn a sheepish look, Ashlyn couldn’t suppress a chuckle of amusement. Ali put her jeans by the fireplace next to Ashlyn’s and took a seat in one of the solid wooden chairs by the small kitchen table. She brought her knees up to her chest, and Ashlyn thought she looked like a small child.

Ashlyn too took a seat at the table, across from Ali, and searched for her eyes. 

"Are you ready to talk?" She asked. 

"No, not in the mood. I'm going to bed." Ali said, and Ashlyn frowned. 

"It’s early. There’s still plenty of time for you to sleep." She told her a bit more demanding than she intended to. 

“I’ll decide that for myself.” Ali got up out of the chair and angrily stormed into the bedroom, Ashlyn following her right away. She lifted the covers off the bed and moved to get in when Ashlyn stopped her by placing her hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry, Ali. That sounded like an order. Please, I think we need to get some things straight and out in the open so we can work together without all the tension and hostility." 

Ali was about to open up her mouth with a rude, uncalled for remark, when the thunder sounded and made her jump. She almost ended up in Ashlyn’s arms, and when she looked into those gentle hazel eyes, she couldn’t stop herself. Without any thought or realization, she grabbed the back of Ashlyn’s neck, pulled her towards her, and kissed her aggressively.

She needed this. She needed to forget how vulnerable the thunder made her feel; how vulnerable all of this made her feel. She pulled Ashlyn closer, tangling her fingers into her hair, forcing her tongue into her mouth.

Ashlyn almost got lost in Ali’s touch. She wanted it, wanted it so bad, but she pulled away from her which she knew would piss her off even more. But, she didn't want her like this again. She was unsure of when it had changed, of when she had changed, but she didn't just want sex from Ali anymore. There was more to her and Ashlyn wanted to find out.

"What the hell, Ashlyn.” Ali growled, but then came back towards her again with her lips. She was about to kiss her again when the thunder sounded even louder than before. She closed her eyes and fell into Ashlyn’s arms, shaking uncontrollably. 

After a few minutes, Ali realized what she was doing, realized that Ashlyn was holding her. Her eyes snapped open and she quickly moved herself out of Ashlyn’s reach, looking at her briefly with watery eyes before standing up and walking to the other end of the lodge. She turned her back to Ashlyn and hoped that the blonde would just ignore what just happened, but she didn’t. 

Ashlyn silently walked closer to Ali. She knew that Ali wanted her to ignore whatever it was that was happening, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know why exactly, but she couldn’t bring herself to stay away from Ali. 

"Why are you so afraid of thunder?" She asked softly, clenching her hands into fists to keep herself from touching Ali, even if she so badly wanted to. Ali didn’t reply. The thunder was getting louder, and she wrapped her arms around herself protectively. 

Ashlyn sighed and stepped in front of her. Their eyes locked for a moment and Ali didn’t look away. Not at first, at least, but then she walked past Ashlyn and took a seat in the wooden chair by the table. 

"Do you ever get tired, Ali? Tired of holding up that wall around you?" Ashlyn asked, harsher than intended, and Ali narrowed her eyes defensively. "Do you ever let anyone in, let anyone see, see you for who you really are?" 

Ali’s face darkened but she hadn’t looked away, which was progress. 

“Why do you even care?” Ali wanted to ignore Ashlyn, like she had done with everyone else in the past, but she couldn’t and maybe, deep down, she didn’t want to. Ashlyn was right. She was tired of holding it all in, but the only alternative was opening up to Ashlyn, and the truth was that she was terrified because something would probably go wrong as always and then she was left alone again. 

“I don’t know…” Ashlyn shrugged helplessly, wishing she had a better explanation to offer, as she sat down in the chair next to Ali. “For some reason I just do.” 

Ali looked at Ashlyn for a moment and even moved her hand to the side of her face, but then she abruptly pulled away. “I… I can’t do this.”

Ashlyn’s shoulders slumped dejectedly as she watched Ali escape into the bathroom. She didn’t know what to do. Ali was a mess and she knew she shouldn’t get involved, but the thing was that it was already too late. She already cared too much, and she recognized the loneliness in Ali’s eyes; it was a loneliness that she had felt so often herself. She never wanted Ali to feel that way.

She sat there for a long time, silently fidgeting with her hands, until finally the bathroom door creaked open and Ali stepped outside. When she spoke, she sounded so stoic that it made Ashlyn shudder. 

"Look, I know I've been avoiding talking to you so I'm going to try which is more than I've ever done with anyone else before. I want to explain why I have such an attitude with you at work and then, when I’m done, we will put all this to rest and we will both be able to do our jobs in peace. That’s all I want. I want to live my life without complications, without added drama.” 

"You mean without anyone, don't you?" Ashlyn asked coldly. 

Ali sighed. "No, that’s not what I mean. I want the same as you, Ashlyn. All this tension between us at work… I want it to stop. And the only way I see that happening is to talk about that night and why I've been acting the way I have towards you. But as far as my personal life is concerned, that’s none of anyone’s business but my own.” 

Ashlyn huffed and looked down at her hands. There was no winning with Ali. She went from being somewhat nice to her and kissing her, to pushing her away. But, at least she wanted to talk to her; tell her something, even if it wasn’t about her issues. It was a start. 

She looked at Ali and nodded. “Okay.”

"I'm mad at myself for doing what we did." Ali started, taking Ashlyn by surprise. "I never should’ve lost it like that. I never should’ve been drinking like that. I had a bad day and I had a lapse in better judgment and for that I'm sorry. I guess seeing you at work just reminded me of how stupid I was and I took it out on you. It won't happen again. I want us to be able to work together without problems. I love my job and I don't want to lose it."

She didn’t even blink while saying all this and Ashlyn felt her stomach sink. Was this really how she felt?

"So you think it was a big mistake then? A lapse in better judgment? Really?" She asked, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice. 

For Ali to say that it was a mistake she could understand. A drunken one night stand with a stranger isn’t always the best thing to do, but she remembered a point during that night where they no longer seemed to be strangers, at least their bodies didn't. But apparently Ali hadn’t felt the same connection.

Ali simply nodded in reply.

"You know, I would almost say it was a mistake too. I mean, we were both drunk when it started off and we never exchanged names, but by the third time around, you had more than enough opportunity to leave. You were, we both were, very much sober by then.” Ali glanced away at that, and Ashlyn knew she was getting somewhere. “Are you sure the sex part is the part that was a mistake or was it the part where I actually held you as you slept for a little while afterwards?" 

Ali was shocked by Ashlyn’s words. She thought back to that night. She did let Ashlyn hold her, didn't she? She did allow herself to vulnerable, didn’t she? Was that why she was so bent on not letting her in again? Why she was so afraid? She didn’t even know the answers herself, so how was she supposed to explain anything to Ashlyn?

"I’m tired.” She mumbled before walking into the bedroom and climbing into bed.

“You're avoiding my question.” Ashlyn followed her. 

Ali pulled the covers over herself, as if trying to block out reality. "I told you I was sorry about work. I explained to you why I behaved that way so what more do you want? Let’s just leave it alone. I'm going to sleep." 

Ashlyn shook her head. What little progress she thought they had made seemed to have vanished all at once. What was the point anymore if Ali didn’t even want to try? Clearly she wasn’t interested in even the idea of being friendly to Ashlyn. 

Then the thunder roared again and Ali flinched a little.

Ashlyn chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before she started to get into the bed too. 

"What the hell are you doing?” Ali hissed softly.

"What do you think? There's only one bed in this lodge.” Ashlyn told her as she yanked the covers down over herself.

"No way. You can sleep in the chair.” Ashlyn ignored her and turned onto her side, closing her eyes. "You're crazy if you think I'm letting you sleep next to me." 

Ali started ranting a bit more when Ashlyn once again ignored her, but never attempted to get out of the bed. Finally, after Ali’s constant nagging for her to get out of bed stopped, Ashlyn turned to her. 

"Afraid?" 

Ali got confused and angry all at once. “What?” 

"Afraid to sleep next to me? Afraid to be so close to me? Afraid you won't be able to keep your hands off me? I know I’m irresistible." Ashlyn teased, smirking a bit when she heard Ali mumble something along the lines of ‘in your dreams, jerk’. 

A few hours later, Ashlyn was pulled from her sleep when she felt Ali trashing around. It took a moment for her to realize that the brunette was having a nightmare and when she leaned in closer, she heard her mumbling. 

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I shouldn't have made you worry, I shouldn't have left…” 

Ashlyn felt her heart clench in her chest. She didn’t hesitate and pulled Ali into her arms.

“It’s okay." She whispered in her ear, the calming sound of her voice contrasting with Ali's noises of despair. She continued to whisper comforting things in Ali's ear, calming her with gentle caresses, until she finally seemed to drift into a more peaceful sleep. 

Ashlyn blinked away the tears that were threatening to escape her eyes and nuzzled her nose into Ali’s hair, never wanting to let go of her. Whatever it was that Ali didn’t want to tell her apparently had her troubled in her sleep and that scared her more than anything.

As she held Ali in her arms, she realized why she cared so much. For some odd reason, a reason she didn’t understand, she was falling for Ali and she was falling fast.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting

Chapter 5

Some time around five AM, Ashlyn's phone went off. She was still holding Ali as she slept, looking exhausted, as if she hadn't slept in days, months, or maybe even years. Ashlyn gently removed her arm that was around Ali’s waist and picked up her cell.

"Hello, sir.” 

“Harris, are you and Ali okay?”

Ashlyn sat upright and tiredly rubbed her eyes. “Yes, we're fine. We tried to call you last night but there was no signal. Probably because of the storm.” 

“Are you at the cabin?” Ted asked.

“No, we never made it there. The bridge was washed out. Ali brought us to your family's lodge for the night.” 

“Yes I was notified about the bridge.” Ted replied. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to stay there for another day.” 

Ashlyn’s eyes widened. “What? Another day? It takes that long to repair a bridge?” 

“I’m afraid they have to rebuild it. The storm caused quite a lot of damage.” 

“Oh.” Ashlyn dead-panned, glancing at Ali who was still fast asleep. She already dreaded having to break the news to her, knowing she’d probably be mad. “Well, I'll tell Ali to call you. She's sleeping right now.”

“That’s fine. Try to get some rest too, Harris.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Ashlyn said before ending the call.

She looked at Ali again and couldn’t stop a small smile from spreading across her features. Ali looked so peaceful. Ashlyn didn’t think she had ever seen her like this before. A few pieces of hair fell across her face and Ashlyn gently pushed them away, careful not to wake her.

Ashlyn got out of the bed and took a seat at the table, watching Ali for a few more minutes. She thought back to her thrashing around in her sleep last night and wondered if she did that more often. She also thought about Ali being afraid of the thunder and why that was. She wished that Ali would tell her. She wished that Ali would trust her. 

When she saw the brunette starting to stir, she decided to go and see what there was to eat in this place. Ted had just informed her that they most likely would be here alone, together, another day, probably the night too, since she estimated it would probably take a while for the bridge to be rebuilt.

Ali woke up to see Ashlyn walk into the kitchen, and a heavy feeling settled in her chest. She sighed, hoping they would be able to get to the other cabin today, do their job, and get back to town. She couldn't spend any more time with Ashlyn, let alone another night alone with her. It was getting harder to keep her distance and she didn’t want to do something she’d regret. 

She got out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash her face. When she was done, she put on a flannel shirt she found in the dresser, brushed her hair and left the bedroom. 

Ashlyn balanced two bowls of cereal and milk and two glasses of orange juice in her hands as she walked back towards the table. She placed them down and pulled up a chair. She tried to keep herself from staring at Ali as she walked up to her, but it wasn’t easy considering how hot she looked. She seemed to look good in anything and everything, and nothing at all… 

She stopped her thoughts before they could wander off too far and quickly started to eat her breakfast. 

Ali sat down at the table across from Ashlyn and when Ashlyn shoved the other bowl into her direction, she accepted it with a mumbled, “thanks”. Ashlyn simply nodded. Ali expected her to say something, but she didn’t even look at her and it confused Ali. 

Ashlyn had found an old newspaper in the kitchen and she started to fake read it. She was more concentrated on what Ali could be thinking and if she remembered her holding her last night and if she would be pissed about it. She waited for her to speak, not wanting to push her.

Finally, after nearly ten minutes of pure silence, Ali finally said something. "Can you get a signal on your cell? Did you try the station?" 

Ashlyn took another spoonful of cereal before replying. "Yes, there's a signal.” 

"And? Did you speak to uncle Ted? Are the roads clear yet? Is the bridge fixed? Can we get out of this place?" Ali asked impatiently as Ashlyn decided to just ignore her questions for a few more minutes and finish her cereal. Ali was starting to get mad. "Why won't you answer my questions?" 

"I'll speak to you when I'm done eating and reading my paper." Ashlyn said in a monotone voice. She could tell that Ali was starting to lose her temper again. She wondered if she ever laughed or had any fun. 

"You aren't even really reading it!" Ali protested. Ashlyn glanced at her for a second, giving her a bored look, before going back to reading. "I know you’re not, Ashlyn. If you are then tell me what you’re reading about.”

Ashlyn looked up from the paper again. “I'm reading about a Forensics Tech who wouldn't keep her big mouth shut so her superior officer had to shut it for her." Ali didn't expect that answer and a soft laugh escaped her mouth before she could stop it. "Oh my god. Did you just laugh?" Ali began to shake her head and Ashlyn smirked. "Yeah, you did! Damn, the last time I heard you laugh was…”

She quickly shut herself up.

And just like that, the tension was back. It had been gone for a few seconds when Ali seemed to lighten up, but now it was back and it was all Ashlyn’s fault. She felt so stupid. 

As Ashlyn went back to reading her paper, Ali began to clean things up. To her surprise, Ali actually tried to make conversation with her. She didn’t know what had changed since last night. Was it because she held her while she was scared? Did she even remember it? She decided not to bring it up out of fear of causing another shift in attitude.

"I can't believe how long that milk lasted without spoiling. I bought it when I was here a few weeks ago." She said as she straightened up the bed, not far from the table. 

"Why were you here a few weeks ago?" Ashlyn asked, and she regretted it immediately when she saw Ali’s face fall. "Nevermind. I shouldn't have asked." 

Ali’s movements faltered. For the first time, she seemed to be confused about whether or not to talk to Ashlyn, tell her something, open up, even. She didn’t know why but she just wanted to feel… light for once, like she didn’t have to watch every word she said out of fear of saying too much. 

She just wanted to be.

"I really like this place.” She started, and Ashlyn’s eyes met hers in surprise. “It’s nice and quiet and peaceful. I had a few days off and no one was using it so I came here to think, to relax, to hang out. It’s quite beautiful out here.”

Ashlyn was shocked that Ali was talking for once, and she didn’t want to say anything to mess it up. "I guess... that’s what you’re looking for then. Peace." 

"What makes you say that?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn shrugged. "Well, you mentioned peace last night. You said you just want to do your job in peace." 

Ali thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, I guess… Oh, I've got to call my brother to ask about my cousin.”

Before Ashlyn had the chance to respond, Ali was already on the phone. She listened to Ali’s side of the conversation and was glad to hear that her cousin was doing fine and was getting out of the hospital today. Ali seemed sweet with her brother and it was nice to see. She seemed to be in some sort of a good mood, almost as if she was content to be there. 

Ashlyn shook her head. They would be stuck in this lodge all day alone. If Ali was really in a good mood, she would take the chance to try to gradually break down more of her walls. 

She waited until Ali was done on the phone before speaking. "So, what is there to do around here since we might be here for a while longer?" 

Ali flinched a bit at Ashlyn’s words but she quickly recovered. "I don't know. Cards, maybe. There's a deck in the cabinet." She said, and Ashlyn smiled a bit. "You do know how to play cards, don't you?" 

"Know how to play? Hell I was raised playing cards." 

Ali nodded and slightly narrowed her eyes. "Well, then let’s play." 

Ashlyn was still a bit confused. It was like Ali was a completely different person today, but she certainly wasn’t going to complain about it. She just wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. “Fine. If you’re prepared to lose.”

"What do you want to play?" Ali asked as she got the cards out of cabinet, and they both took a seat at the table. 

"How about Poker?" Ashlyn suggested, and Ali smiled devilishly. Poker was her game. She was almost as good at it as she was at pool. There was no way Ashlyn would beat her. 

"Sounds good to me. Are we playing for something?" Ali asked, and Ashlyn shook her head. “But it’s more fun when you play for something." 

Ashlyn tilted her head in amusement. Was she referring to strip poker?

"Are you trying to get me naked?" She joked, and to her surprise, Ali laughed a hearty, genuine laugh instead of blowing up. Who was this person? She even made her own joke. 

“Listen, if I wanted to get you naked, I wouldn't have to beat you at cards to do it.” She said and Ashlyn just smirked. “Really, what do you want to play and what do you want to play for?" She asked again and saw Ashlyn trying to decide, so she added, "Whatever you want to play is fine with me." 

Ashlyn decided what the hell.

"Ever hear of Emotional Strip Poker?" She asked, and Ali’s mouth fell open. 

"You mean when you lose you have to tell something personal?" 

"Actually, the loser has to answer the winner’s question. So, are you too chicken to play?" 

"I'm going to kick your ass." Ali said confidently as she started shuffling the deck. 

Ten minutes later Ali was waiting for an answer to her question; her personal question. The rules were that if you lost the hand, the winner got to ask you anything, any type of question. 

"I guess I was 14. I can't really remember. All I know is that I was curious and home alone and well…” She took a sip of her water, trying to play it cool. She couldn’t believe that Ali would ask her something like this. 

Ali, in her turn, could barely control her laughter. She purposely asked Ashlyn a question she knew would embarrass her, a personal question about a girl growing up. She smiled at her answer. She was a bit shy about it which was strangely cute. 

They played another hand and this time, Ashlyn won. 

“Okay, now it’s my turn. Hm, let’s see. Since yours was such a personal question... I guess it’s only fitting that mine is just as personal. So, when was your first time?" 

Ali went as white as a sheet. Her playfulness, her mood, it was gone, just like that, and Ashlyn felt her heart sink. What had she done wrong now? Before she could ask, Ali stood up and started to walk outside without a word. 

Ashlyn sat there, stunned, as Ali walked out the door. She didn't know what to say or what to do. Was her question really that upsetting? Too personal? She shook her head as she went to the window and watched Ali as she sat on the steps, holding her face in her hands. 

Ali got up after a few minutes of letting herself be upset and dusted herself off before walking back inside. 

Ashlyn watched as she got up from the steps. She seemed to have pulled herself together. She started walking back inside, and Ashlyn quickly moved away from the window and acted as if she hadn't been looking at her. 

Ali walked over to the mantle and grabbed her keys along with the other stuff she had put there. She silently began to make her way towards the door again when Ashlyn stopped her, stepping right in front of her. 

"What are you doing?" She asked, utterly confused. 

"What does it look like I'm doing?” Ali spat back. 

Ashlyn briefly looked down at the ground. Ali was back to being distant, and it hurt more than she would’ve liked to admit. 

"It looks like you think you are going somewhere, but you're not.” She told her and waited for it, the words, the nasty 'you are not my boss, who are you to tell me what to do'. Almost as soon as the thought passed through her head, Ali said something similar. 

"Who are you to tell me what I can or cannot do?" 

Ashlyn sighed as she looked at her. How was this even the same person as a few minutes ago? 

"Ali, the roads still aren't clear. The bridge still hasn't been rebuilt. There is nowhere for you to run and hide.” She said calmly, and Ali looked at her for a long time. Ashlyn thought she saw a glint of something, something she couldn’t quite explain, in her eyes at the words ‘run and hide’. 

Ali felt something. It was weird. When she heard Ashlyn’s words about hiding, she felt almost as if… as if she didn't want to do that anymore; hide behind her wall. Almost as if she could find the strength to come out in the open by herself. She sighed and turned around, putting her stuff back on the mantle before taking a seat on the couch. 

Ashlyn hesitated for a moment but then sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep the peace. I really am." Ali said, grabbing a pillow from the couch and hugging it to her chest.

Ashlyn approached her with a question, softly. "Why'd you leave? We were having so much fun." 

Ali looked at her and smiled sadly. Ashlyn looked so dejected that it broke her heart a little. Why did she always have to mess everything up? "I know. I was enjoying myself." She said and then paused. "I... I'm not sure why I ran out. I mean... I... I don't know how to do this. How do I tell you... How do I open up to you when I've been so closed off for so long?" 

"You just talk." Ashlyn replied, and Ali looked confused so she continued. “Just say anything. Talk about anything you want." 

"Anything? You sure about that?" Ali asked jokingly to break the tension, and they both laughed. It was silent for a moment before Ali spoke again. "I can't just do this on the fly. Ask me a question. I promise to try and answer and I promise not to run again.”

Ashlyn smiled and nodded. She felt like they were really getting somewhere this time. She took a moment to think about what to ask and decided that she would start off slow and ease Ali into talking. 

"So, did you lie when you said you didn't remember that night?" She asked with a smirk.

"All I can say is... they charged my credit card for that chair.” Ali replied, and Ashlyn threw her head back as she laughed. Ali smiled at her which gave her the courage to ask her a more serious question. 

"Why does thunder bother you?" 

She waited nervously for Ali to either explode or answer. She did neither for a few minutes. 

"Do you know anything about me, Ashlyn? Of how I got here?"

“No.” Ashlyn admitted softly.

"It's a long story."

"Well, we've got plenty of time." 

Ali shivered and avoided Ashlyn's eyes, unable to take the intensity she saw in them. "Okay... I'll tell you."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"My childhood was far from perfect." Ali began, still avoiding Ashlyn's eyes. "My parents argued a lot and at some point, my dad left. Just like that. He walked out of our lives as if we meant nothing. My mom struggled a lot raising two kids by herself and I don't even remember having much of a life… not much to be happy about…” 

Ali trailed off. There was so much more to tell Ashlyn but she was afraid to think back to all the things that hurt her so much. She stood up and walked over to the front window, looking out at the porch. 

After a few minutes of silence, Ashlyn came up behind her and gently placed her hand on her shoulder. “Tell me about the thunder." 

"Thunder has bothered me for years. It’s a noise that is a constant reminder of weakness to me. A few years after my dad left, my mom got a new boyfriend and he used to say things like ‘don't be vulnerable, Alex, never vulnerable. You have to be strong. Don't be an easy mark, an easy prey’." Ali took a breath. “He was great, though. He was really great to me. A bit old fashioned, stubborn as hell, but he took good care of me and he was the father I never had.”

Ashlyn gently turned her around and looked into her eyes. She saw the sadness in them and it made her heart ache. She reached out to wipe away a few tears that had escaped, but Ali pushed her hand away. Ashlyn got the hint. This was too much, too fast.

"Are you alright? You want to stop for now?" She asked, and Ali shook her head. 

"No, I might as well continue now that I’m at it.” She said as she moved towards the couch again. 

"Do you still keep in touch with them?" Ashlyn asked, and Ali stopped dead in her tracks. She stood frozen for a moment. She wanted so badly to just run away, far away from Ashlyn, from the truth, the pain. 

She was so close to doing it, just running away, when Ashlyn gently and carefully took her hand in her own. Ali looked down to see Ashlyn’s fingers intertwined with hers and she didn't quite understand how or why but she could no longer bring herself to move. She didn’t want to.

"Ali, what happened to them?" 

"They’re dead. They died the night I became afraid of thunder.” 

Ashlyn heard what Ali said and she knew that this, all of this, had to do with why Ali was the way she was. She held Ali’s hand and wanted nothing more at this point than to hold her but she knew, Ali more than likely wouldn't let her. 

"I loved them, you know, I never use that word anymore. I haven't since them. I mean... I still have my brother and my uncle… but it’s not the same. I never tell them, can never tell them, and I won't ever tell them." Ali said, getting choked up. 

Ashlyn ignored her earlier thought about it being too soon to hold her and pulled her towards her. Ali allowed it this time, and Ashlyn held her as she rested her head against her shoulder.

"Do you want to tell me how they died?" She asked softly, gently rubbing Ali’s back. She felt Ali nod before she spoke.

"It was my fault... They died because of me... because I loved them and because they loved me. I was so stupid. I was maybe fifteen and..." She started, but couldn’t continue. She pulled away from Ashlyn. "I can't talk anymore. I need to be alone.”

Ashlyn watched her walk out on to the porch. She sat there, staring out into space, and as much as Ashlyn wanted to go to her, she knew it would be a mistake. She wanted to be alone so Ashlyn would let her.

\-----

Almost two hours later, she still hadn't come in. Ashlyn glanced at her every now and then. She was still in the exact same position, staring out into space, looking at absolutely nothing. It was starting to get dark and she hadn’t eaten anything all day. Ashlyn felt helpless and she couldn’t take it anymore.

She quietly stepped outside, and Ali didn't even flinch or look up when she heard her coming towards her. Ashlyn knelt down besides her and tried to get her attention but it was like she wasn’t even mentally present. Ashlyn contemplated her options and then began to pull Ali up.

"You can trust me.” She told her gently as she guided her into the lodge. Ali didn’t protest as Ashlyn pulled the covers down the bed and nudged Ali to lie down. She was almost out arms reach when Ali looked at her for the first time. 

"Please, Ashlyn, please. I need to feel something other than pain." 

Ashlyn swallowed thickly. “Ali…”

Ali curled her hand around the back of Ashlyn's neck and gently pulled her down, bringing their lips together in a frantic kiss. Ashlyn immediately melted into the touch, her lips moving against Ali's just as eagerly. A soft whimper escaped her throat when Ali trailed her tongue across her bottom lip, requesting entry. She granted her access and the kiss quickly grew in heat as their tongues met.

Wanting to taste more of Ali's skin, Ashlyn broke the kiss, letting her lips travel up Ali's jaw. The brunette's breathing sped up as Ashlyn nibbled on her skin, moving up to her ear and lightly biting down on her earlobe. She moaned and wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's shoulders, letting her eyes fall closed.

"You're so beautiful." Ashlyn whispered into Ali's ear before she swiped her tongue over the sensitive area just below it, causing her to shudder. Her lips traveled down Ali's neck, sucking and biting on the skin before soothing the spots with gentle kisses. All she could see, smell, hear, was Ali and she was already embarrassingly aroused, her mind clouded with nothing but the need and desire to be with the woman who was well on her way of stealing her heart.

"Ashlyn please." Ali breathed out shakily, her nails digging into Ashlyn's shoulders. She gasped when the blonde sucked on her pulsepoint, momentarily leaving her unable to form any coherent words, let alone sentences. 

Ashlyn pulled back to look at her, her eyes a shade darker than usual. “Are you sure you want this?”

It was so different than last time they were in this position. Ali had been demanding then, in control, but this time she was the exact opposite.

"I want you." Ali whispered. 

Her words were simple but they were all Ashlyn needed to hear.

\----

Ali sighed contentedly as she slowly woke up, snuggling closer to the warmth that embraced her body. She sleepily kissed the side of Ashlyn’s neck, listening to her steady breathing. In a moment of weakness, Ali decided that the sound was the most comforting thing in the world. 

After a while, she pulled back to look at Ashlyn and her heart swelled in her chest when she saw that the other woman was still fast asleep. She couldn’t help herself. Seeing Ashlyn like this, so calm and delicate, lost in the sheets, made her want to stay like this forever. 

She brushed some hair away from Ashlyn’s face and pressed a kiss to her brow before carefully rolling off her and getting out of bed. After making sure that Ashlyn was safely tucked in, she put on a shirt and left the room.

Ashlyn woke up some time later to the sound of Ali’s voice. She watched through squinted eyes as Ali walked around the living room, her phone pressed to her ear, and listened vaguely to her side of the conversation. 

“Yes, uncle Ted, I'm fine. I was just sleeping. Ashlyn is still asleep... in the chair.”

…

“So it's passable?”

…

“Alright, we'll get our stuff together and get back to the station. Do you need us to go over to the cabin for the investigation?” 

…

“No? Okay then. See you in a little while." 

After Ali finished her conversation with her uncle, she stood frozen in her spot for a few minutes. She wasn't sure of what to do next. With Ashlyn, with the situation. How was she going to handle things from here on out? How was she going to handle the fact that she had let Ashlyn in? Not just her body but also the barrier that she had spent years building.

Ashlyn knew what was going through her mind. She wasn't hard to figure out. She was most likely regretting it. Not so much the being together part but the opening up part. Ashlyn didn't want to give her too much time to think, to regret, to retreat and hide, so she got out of bed.

Ali felt Ashlyn’s arms wrap around her from behind and she held her breath. Ashlyn kissed her neck, her breath warm and sensual, and Ali shivered. Her lips felt so good on her skin. They had been wonderful last night and they still felt that way to her this morning. 

"Good morning." Ashlyn whispered as she nibbled on Ali’s neck to make it impossible for her to concentrate on keeping her away. She was losing all control for a moment, again. 

Ali closed her eyes and leaned back into Ashlyn. She wasn't thinking about anything. Not about work, not about being vulnerable, nothing but the way Ashlyn’s mouth was making her feel. 

After a few minutes, Ashlyn turned Ali around in her arms so that they were facing each other. She stared into her brown eyes, and Ali could have sworn she was looking inside her; inside her soul, seeing who she was and what she feared the most. And at this moment in time, Ashlyn was what she feared most. She feared falling for her, letting her in, maybe even loving her. 

She took a deep breath and broke the trance, slowly walking away from the blonde. "We need to get dressed. I told my uncle we'd be right in." 

She searched the cabin for her clothes. She found them and walked into the bathroom to get dressed without another word. 

Ashlyn got dressed in the bedroom. She gathered up her stuff and wondered how this was all going to play out; how Ali was going to handle this, handle what they did last night. She had learned a bit about her. She had opened up more than she probably ever had. Maybe more than she had ever wanted to with anyone. If Ashlyn could just get her to open up some more, little by little if that's what it took, then maybe, maybe, this thing between them, whatever it was, could be more. Because with the way she felt, Ashlyn definitely wanted it to be more. Much more. 

"Are you ready to go?" Ali asked as she walked out of the bathroom, her hair up in a ponytail.

"No, I think we should talk about a few things while we have some time alone." Ashlyn told her, and she saw her back up. She turned briefly.

"We're already running late. My uncle is expecting us. We can talk another time." 

"When then, Ali? When can we talk about… this? Maybe you could finish what you were telling me last night." 

Ali looked at her. She didn't want to be nasty to her again, rude, but if she pushed her, continued to ask her to share things, things that hurt so much to talk about still to this day, she might revert back to it. Back to those ways. She took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. 

"Please don't push me, Ashlyn. I've told you much more than I have ever told anyone before, including my ex-husband. Can it just be enough?" 

Ashlyn blinked. "Ex-husband? I didn't know you were married." 

"Yeah, it was a mistake and it ended badly.” Ali saw that Ashlyn wanted to say something so she quickly continued. “Let’s just work together and be professional without complications and drama.” 

Ashlyn was confused. Was Ali really just going to ignore what happened between them last night? 

“So we’re still just colleagues? Even after last night?" She asked her point blank. 

"Honestly?” Ali asked, and Ashlyn flinched physically, afraid of what she had to say. “It's more for your benefit than mine if we just act like last night never happened. None of it, the sex, the talking, the holding." 

Ashlyn would be lying if she said Ali’s words didn’t hurt her, but she knew that she had to be patient. "Fine. I won’t push you. When you're ready to talk again, I'll be here. Now we better get to the station." 

Ali smiled. Ashlyn was being a lot nicer about the whole thing than she had expected.

\-----

Ali and Ashlyn arrived at the station a little while later. Ali went to the lab and Ashlyn to her office to discuss pending cases with a few of the detectives. The day went by fast and they didn’t see each other at all. 

Ashlyn was in her office by herself when there was a knock on the door. It turned out to be Ted. 

"Hey Harris, I just wanted to know if you had plans for tonight. My family is having a party. Well, it was supposed to be a surprise party for me but they’re not good at hiding things.” He laughed. “Anyway, I thought maybe if you weren't doing anything you'd want to swing by. A few of the officers will be there too." 

Ashlyn thought about it. She didn't have any plans. She had just been hoping to maybe run into Ali at the bar where maybe they could shoot some silent pool. She saw Ted continuing to look at her as she was lost in her own head for a minute and forced a smile onto her face.

"Sure, why not. Thanks for thinking of me.” 

Ted left and Ashlyn sighed. She knew that Ali would be there tonight which was the only reason she had agreed. As much as she liked Ted, she hated parties. However, she wasn’t going to pass up on a chance to see Ali outside of work. 

\-----

Sometime after 8, Ashlyn arrived at Ted’s party. The place was crowded. There were people everywhere, the music was blaring, and it seemed like everyone was having a great time. 

Ashlyn walked around the room, searching for a familiar face, for Ali. She stopped briefly when she ran into Ted and wished him a happy birthday before continuing her search. It took almost half an hour for Ashlyn to find Ali who was dancing closely with some guy she didn't recognize.

The guy had his arms around her waist and his body was close to hers. Any closer and he would have been inside of her. The thought made Ashlyn want to vomit. Ali was swaying back and forth to the music. She didn't seem drunk. Maybe just a bit tipsy.

Ashlyn continued to watch until she heard someone clear their throat behind her.

She turned around and smiled when she saw her brother. “Hey.”

"Ash, this is Matt.” Chris introduced the tall, dark haired man that was with him. “Matt, this is my sister.”

“Nice to meet you.”

As the three of them made small talk, it was obvious that Ashlyn’s attention was somewhere else. 

"Who's that dancing with Ali?" She asked after a while.

"Not sure. I think he’s an old friend but I don’t really care. She's not my heartache any longer." Matt said harshly before he excused himself. 

Ashlyn heard his words and guessed that he was an ex of some sorts or maybe even her ex-husband, and he was obviously bitter. She shrugged and continued watching Ali.

"Ash? I heard you and Ali were stuck in the Krieger lodge alone for two nights. Anything you want to share with me?" Chris asked, and Ashlyn laughed.

"I don't kiss and tell." She joked, wanting to move away from the subject as quick as possible. She wanted to know more about Ali’s ex; the one she just saw walk up to Ali and pull the guy she was dancing with off of her. The situation was starting to get pretty heated and almost everyone at the party was staring now.

"What the hell are you doing Matt?" Ali asked an angry Matt as he took her arm and escorted her towards the terrace doors. 

Chris was still talking to Ashlyn, warning her yet again about pursuing Ali, but Ashlyn ignored him and started to walk to where Ali and Matt had disappeared to. "I know, Chris. She’s a no no. I got it." 

When she reached the doors leading outside, she could hear Ali and Matt screaming. Without thinking, she rushed up to the two and grabbed Matt by the collar, shoving him up against the wall. "Cool it, dude. There’s no need to talk to her like that.” 

Matt stared at her angrily. “She deserves it. She's a whore. Only whores have problems with words like love and respect." 

Ashlyn lost it. She pulled him off the wall a bit only to push him back harder. "Watch your mouth, asshole.” She growled, almost to the point of steaming. “If you want to walk out of here in one piece, you better shut up.”

"What the hell? Who the hell are you? Wait a minute... wait... No, Ali, not already. You aren't doing her already, are you? Isn’t she your boss or something? Don't you two..." 

"Shut up! Shut up, Matt! This is none of your business." Ali said heatedly as Ashlyn continued to hold him against the wall. She turned to the blonde and continued in a calmer tone. "Let him go. He's all talk, no action. Sort of like our marriage."

Ashlyn released him slowly, and he looked at Ali. "Well someone had to do the talking in our marriage since you never did.”

He glared at her before walking back inside.

Ali sighed and walked over to a bench not too far away, burying her face in her hands. 

Ashlyn followed her lead and sat down next to her. "Are you alright?" 

Ali looked up and smiled weakly. "Matt didn't really mean all the stuff he said.”

“So that was the husband, huh?" Ashlyn asked, and Ali nodded. "Why'd you guys get a divorce?"

"Isn't it obvious?” Ali huffed. “I couldn't tell him I loved him or give him any emotional part of me. He couldn't handle it. No one I’ve dated could ever handle it. It always ends ugly." 

Ashlyn looked at her for a moment and took hold of her hand without even realizing. "Maybe they were the wrong people.” 

"What?" Ali frowned in confusion as Ashlyn turned her body sideways towards her. 

"Maybe they were the wrong people for you. Maybe they weren't strong enough to handle it… you. Maybe they weren’t mature enough or maybe they just didn't look deep enough to see the real you." She said with a gentle smile, and Ali was a bit shocked. Her words were sweet, almost, and it was amazing to her how Ashlyn seemed to understand her.

She gazed into Ashlyn’s hazel eyes and decided that maybe, just maybe, things would be different with her. She was strong enough to try and all she could do was hope that if she let Ashlyn in, neither of them would end up getting hurt.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" She asked.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate your comments

Chapter 7

Ashlyn and Ali started walking in no particular direction. They just walked, in content silence. Ashlyn was both happy and shocked that Ali had suggested they’d go somewhere privately to talk. It was almost as if she was finally ready to open up, but Ashlyn didn’t want to get her hopes up.

Ali almost opened her mouth to speak to Ashlyn several times as they walked. She wanted to do this. It felt right. It was time to finally let it all out, to open up to someone. Maybe Ashlyn was the person she’d been waiting for. 

She shook her head still, confused and undecided about that one.

She could do this. She could tell Ashlyn her story and, if Ashlyn didn't run away, if she was strong enough to stay, maybe then she would feel some peace. 

"Wanna see something?" She asked. 

Ashlyn nodded and Ali started walking towards the town's only hotel.

"What's going on?" 

"I'm taking you to a place that makes me feel good. A place I go to when I want to be totally alone and just relax.” Ali told her as she led them up to the roof. Ashlyn followed her silently, and they stood there for a moment until Ali turned to her. "I've never brought anyone up here before. I've never felt like I could and I never wanted to." 

"You feel safe up here, don't you?" Ashlyn asked, looking into her eyes. 

Ali smiled. Ashlyn got it. She got her. This was her safe haven. She nodded and walked over to the railing, gazing out to see all the cars passing by. 

"You know, you don't really have to talk if you don't want to. It already means the world to me that you feel comfortable enough to want to tell me, want to open up and let me in." Ashlyn said and smiled softly as Ali faced her. 

"Boy, was I wrong about you, huh?” Ali mused, chuckling when Ashlyn frowned. “I thought you were the biggest ass around but you’re not. You’re quite the opposite, actually. But I guess I’ve never been a good judge of character.”

Ashlyn moved closer to her. “What do you mean?”

Ali sighed and sat down, leaning her back against the railing. "I don’t even know where to start.”

“Just start where you need to.” Ashlyn said softly as she sat down next to her, gazing at the side of her face before slowly reaching out to take her hand in her own. “Take all the time you need.”

Ali nodded and took a moment to gather her thoughts. "So... my stepdad needed help in the summer with his business. He hired a guy named Charlie.”

Ashlyn could see the sadness gathering in Ali’s eyes and it scared her. She suddenly wasn’t sure if she was prepared to hear whatever it was that had Ali feeling like this. Taking a deep breath, she gave the brunette’s hand a squeeze. "You don't have to do this, you know?" 

“Please just… let me talk, okay?” Ali said, not angrily but pleadingly in a way that made Ashlyn shiver. She nodded and smiled softly when Ali tightened her grip on her hand. “You probably already realize where this is going. Charlie and I ended up dating. Well secretly, anyway. I was 15 and he was 18. My stepdad was always giving me that vulnerability speech I told you about the other day... not to be vulnerable, not to let anyone take advantage of me. I wish I would have listened.”

Ali paused for a moment, staring at their joined hands. Ashlyn's touch was comforting, so gentle that Ali leaned into her unknowingly.

"My parents found out about me and Charlie after a few months but by then I was in love with him. I thought I was, at least. My stepdad fired him and warned him to stay away from me or he'd go to the cops. I can still remember my mom talking to me about not seeing him anymore." 

The pain in Ali’s voice made Ashlyn’s heart ache. She reached out to wipe away the lone tear that had rolled down Ali’s cheek and told her with her eyes that it was okay to go on. 

"I didn't listen and if I did, they would still be alive. We all would’ve been happy but instead I was stupid… just plain stupid and naive." 

They sat still for a few minutes, both caught up in their own thoughts. Ashlyn was watching Ali closely as they felt it starting to rain. It was sudden and cold, yet they still didn't move. Ali stayed and so did Ashlyn. When thunder sounded, Ali didn't flinch for some reason. Maybe it was because Ashlyn was still holding her hand tightly.

"Come on, you're getting soaked." Ashlyn helped her to her feet. "Let's go to my apartment."

\----

When they arrived at Ashlyn's apartment that was only a short walk away from the hotel, Ashlyn gave Ali a set of dry clothes to borrow. After Ashlyn had finished changing, Ali was still in the bathroom, so she grabbed two beers from the fridge and put them on the table next to the couch. 

Ten minutes later, Ali walked out of the bathroom in a pair of Ashlyn’s sweats, and Ashlyn couldn't help but smile. She really looks good in everything, she thought to herself as Ali came and sat down next to her.

It was silent for a long time, and Ashlyn knew that Ali didn’t know where to continue.

"Why do you think it’s all your fault?" She asked her to help her along, and she looked away for a minute. She was trying so hard not to go back to her old ways, not to run, but all of a sudden she felt as if she should. 

Ashlyn saw the gears turning in her head. She was trying to hide again, but she had come so far, Ashlyn wouldn't let her. She turned her body and laid back against the arm of the couch, gently guiding Ali so that she was resting against her chest, and circled the brunette’s waist with her arms.

Ali took a deep breath, sinking further into Ashlyn’s comforting embrace. 

"Charlie called the night of a major thunderstorm. My parents weren't home and I wasn’t supposed to leave the house. I did anyway. Charlie said it was important and he needed to see me. When my parents got home and didn't find me, they called all over looking for me. No one had seen me so they figured I had left to go be with Charlie. It was a fucking major storm, one of the biggest, what the hell was I even thinking sneaking out like that? Why did they care about me so much to even go out in that crazy weather looking for me?" 

Ali shook her head, snuggling even closer to Ashlyn. Her warmth was helping; it helped make her strong enough to talk about the worst event in her life. 

"The police reports all say that the truck that hit them hadn't even seen them. That's how bad the rain was." She briefly closed her eyes, and Ashlyn kissed the top of her head. She knew how painful this must have been for her… still was for her. 

"What happened with Charlie?" She asked softly, unsure if Ali wanted to answer the question. "If you want to talk about it." 

“He never loved me. My mom was right. He just wanted sex. I only saw him once after the accident and asked him to take me away... to run away together... and you know what he said? He said I was too young for him!” She furiously wiped at her eyes as tears threatened to escape them. “The son of a bitch was just using me all along!”

“Ali…” Ashlyn’s voice cracked a little. “I’m so sorry.”

Tears erupted from Ali’s eyes in a rush of uncontrollable emotion and Ashlyn held her tighter, resting her chin on her shoulder, trying to fight back her own tears, as Ali mumbled over and over again, "He never even held me afterwards. He never even held me."

Ashlyn pulled her as closely as possible, not wanting to let go, not ever. She had all this guilt built up inside of her, and guilt was something Ashlyn knew a little too well. She herself used to carry around a guilt; a guilt that had haunted her for years. But she had overcome it eventually, with a little help from her brother. 

She felt Ali take a deep breath; she heard her crying begin to stop. Ashlyn closed her eyes as she felt Ali take one of her hands, intertwining their fingers. "I like your arms, your hands." She told her softly. 

"That's good because they seem to like you too." Ashlyn replied just as softly, kissing her temple. After a few seconds, she spoke again. "You do know that none of it was your fault, right? The accident, all of it, you were just a kid. That guy was a jerk. You need to let go of that guilt.”

Ali sighed. "I know. I've been trying so hard all these years. But every time I think I can or that I'm making progress… well, I guess it just isn’t enough. I really thought things would get better when I married Matt. I thought I’d be able to move on with him and be happy. But obviously that didn't happen." She looked down at their joined hands and smiled sadly. "It's really late. I should go." 

She attempted to get up but Ashlyn held on to her tighter. "You should stay." 

"I'm really tired. I… we have work tomorrow." Ali said but didn't attempt to get up again. 

"Sleep then. Right here, like this." Ashlyn spoke softly, nuzzling her nose into Ali’s hair. "Let me hold you. Let me protect you. Please. You don’t have to be so strong all the time." 

She felt Ali tense for a minute and then relax. Ali leaned into her more and closed her eyes, letting the feeling of the trapped warmth from where their bodies touched comfort her. 

\----

Ashlyn woke up on the couch alone. 

She looked around the room and felt her heart sink. Ali left. 

Just as her shoulders began to slump in defeat, the woman in question came out of the bathroom and walked into the living room. 

She frowned when she saw the look on Ashlyn’s face, but then realization set in. "You thought I left?" 

"Honestly... yes. But I'm glad you didn't." Ashlyn admitted softly.

Ali smiled sadly and sat down next to her, her hand settling on the blonde’s lower back. "You really are a sweet person, Ashlyn Harris. Probably too sweet for me.”

"Why? Do you think you’re going to hurt me?" Ashlyn asked, only half-joking.

“Yeah, I hurt everyone. Even if I don’t mean to." Ali gave a helpless shrug of her shoulders.

"Not this time.”

Ali raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you know something I don't, lieutenant?" 

Ashlyn smiled. "Yes, I do. Go out with me?" 

"What?" Ali asked in surprise. “Really? Isn't it a bit late for that?" 

“Yeah, well… maybe. I mean, I guess we've sort of started this thing... this relationship… backwards, haven’t we?”

"Relationship? Is that what you would call this? Really?" Ali asked, and Ashlyn nodded with a slight blush on her cheeks. "But how and why would you call it a relationship? We've slept together a few times, fought a whole lot, hated each other at times. I'm a complete mess, and... I don't really know anything about you. Only that you're pretty good in bed." 

"Pretty good, huh?" Ashlyn smirked and moved even closer, looking into her eyes. "But seriously, go out with me. Let’s try this slow, from the beginning. Don't run and hide. We've made so much progress. " 

Ali averted her gaze to the floor. "I'm not sure. I mean, why would you even want to get more involved with me? I really am a huge mess. I can't make promises of changing and… and well… I really don't want to hurt you, Ash. I care about you too much and it would kill me to hurt you.”

Ashlyn reached out and placed her hand on Ali’s cheek, smiling gently when Ali leaned into her touch. "Listen, stop thinking for a few minutes. Stop thinking about everything in your past; stop thinking about what we've already done together; stop thinking about how you think you're going to hurt me; stop thinking about your issues, even. Let’s just go out, maybe a few hundred times, and have some fun. It seems like we could both use a little fun in our lives." 

"Fun?" She repeated, and when Ashlyn flashed her a dimpled grin, she couldn’t bring herself to resist. They did have a lot of fun together when they were stuck in the lodge, and it was light and easy. "Okay. Pick me up at seven." 

She got up off the couch and began to walk towards the door. Ashlyn got up too and stopped her. 

"Wait, you don't seem to understand something. I asked you out. That means I tell you when and where." Ali looked at her in confusion for a moment before she began to get a little mad. She was about to say something when Ashlyn smiled. She knew that her demanding words would get under Ali’s skin and she had only said them to tease her. She leaned in and gave her a small peck on the cheek. "I'll pick you up at seven, grumpy. If you tell me where you live, at least."

"I'll give you my address later. I don't want to be late for work. The Chief of Detectives is a real ass." 

She winked and with that, she was out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Ali walked into the station to see Ashlyn already in her office. She was on the phone with her back turned to the door, and Ali debated whether or not she should approach her; talk to her again, give her her address, even. 

She watched Ashlyn for a moment and when she saw her begin to turn, she quickly moved away. Why am I hiding, she asked herself, why would she not want Ashlyn to see her? She knew why. She was feeling a bit embarrassed about what happened last night; that she had told her all her darkest secrets.

Ali stood with her back to the wall just outside of Ashlyn’s office. She was looking down at the floor, caught up in her own thoughts, and didn’t realize that Ashlyn was now standing in front of her. 

"Hey." She said, and Ali jumped sky high. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." 

Ali fumbled with her words and was getting red in the face, and Ashlyn was actually a bit amused by it. Ali noticed her amusement and it made her mad. “What?” She snapped, but Ashlyn just laughed and grinned at her which made her smile too in spite of herself.

"Did you need to see me for something?" The blonde asked.

"Like what?" Ali teased. Of course she knew that Ashlyn was talking about her address. 

Ashlyn glanced around the station to make sure no one was around before leaning closer to whisper into Ali’s ear. "We’re still on for tonight right?" She asked in a low, raspy voice that sent chills down Ali’s spine.

"Yeah, we're still on." She replied as they noticed a few officers walking towards them. Ashlyn pulled her mouth away from Ali’s ear and motioned for her to follow her into her office. She did and Ashlyn closed the door. 

"Were you hiding from me?" She asked, and Ali knew she had been busted.

"Kind of." 

"Why?" Ashlyn frowned as Ali took a seat across from her. 

"Because I'm embarrassed, okay? I mean… I told you all this stuff that I never tell people and I know nothing about you." 

Ashlyn’s lips curled up into a small smile. “Hey, that's not true. You know I'm good in bed. Remember? That's what you said earlier." She grinned, and Ali rolled her eyes playfully.

"Yeah, I know that but... you want me to be honest and it bothers me a little that I know nothing about you while you know so much about me. It makes me feel like you have the upper hand." Ali admitted, and Ashlyn’s face turned more serious.

"Alright. Tonight, I'll tell you anything you want to know." 

"Anything?" Ali repeated, and Ashlyn nodded. "Okay, I'll see you later then." 

She started to walk out of the room, but Ashlyn’s voice stopped her. "Aren't you forgetting something?" 

"Nope. You do know that you can just find my address in the police database, right?" 

Ashlyn pursed her lips. "Right."

\-----

Ali was about to leave work when she saw her uncle and Ashlyn standing in the hall. 

"Hey, cutting out early, huh? It’s only two hours over the clock tonight. Something wrong? You sick?" Ted asked jokingly. He knew Ali. She never left the station this early. Ali gave him a smirk and continued to walk towards the door as he called after her. "Guess you must have a really hot date to get ready for if you don't have time to hang around and put me in my place.”

Ali stopped and turned a bit, her face heating up. She looked at Ashlyn and then quickly looked back at her uncle. Ted wasn't stupid. He saw the way she looked at Ashlyn and he knew that something was up but he decided to ignore it for now. 

"Just don't want to be late for dinner. That's all." She mumbled before quickly leaving the station.

Ted looked at Ashlyn who seemed just as flustered. “Harris, we need to talk. My office." 

Ashlyn gulped and followed him. “Wha-”

"Harris, is there something going on between you and my niece that I should know about?" He asked point blank, and Ashlyn froze. She hadn't expected him to ask that, at least not so straightforward. She stumbled over her words for a while, they weren't even recognizable, until Ted let her off the hook. "I didn't mean to ask so bluntly. I know it’s none of my business. However... if there is something going on, whether it be the two of you not getting along or the two of you getting along too well, and it interferes with your work, then it does become my business. And I'm very protective of Ali. There are things that happened in the past that I know still affect her today, and I will not tolerate anyone affecting her well-being again. Are we clear?" 

Ashlyn felt like a fool as she stood there, nodding frantically.

“And as for you two being close... I can sort of see it. The two of you come across as the same type of person, and when I had your background searched I found out she isn't the only one with a past.”

Ashlyn shifted uncomfortably, rubbing the back of her neck. "You’re right but I have been able to overcome all that. As for Ali... I'm not really sure why but she seems to trust me. She's opened up a bit and... I'd like to get to know her more… maybe help her open up even more if I can.”

Ted sighed. "You know, I've never seen her respond to anyone the way she does to you. Not even her ex-husband. If she's already opened up to you after only knowing you for such a short time then that's a good thing. You seem like a nice person. Maybe, and I say maybe, you are just what she needs to find some type of happiness." 

His phone rang. He motioned to a shocked looking Ashlyn that he was going to take the call in private and walked away. 

\----

Seven o'clock arrived fast and Ali was all ready to go. She walked down the stairs of her cottage just as she heard the doorbell ring. Ashlyn was already here, she thought to herself, as she paused for a few seconds. She suddenly felt really nervous but she shook it off and opened the door, ready to just have a good time and not think about anything else.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Ashlyn asked as they stared at each other. 

"Yeah. I just wasn't sure where we were going so I wasn't sure of how to dress.” Ali said with a sheepish smile, gesturing to her casual outfit.

"You're fine. Better than fine. You look great." Ashlyn replied quickly, stumbling over her words a bit, and for some reason knowing that Ashlyn was nervous too made Ali feel better. Ashlyn stretched out her hand and Ali took it.

"Where are we going?" She asked as they left the cottage. 

“Well..." Ashlyn said and then stopped. Ali looked at her, confused. "I thought we'd start at that bar... a few burgers, pool, beers. We’ll see." Ali smiled, and Ashlyn grinned. "I take it by your smile that meets your approval?" 

Ali nodded, relieved that Ashlyn wanted to keep things simple. "Yeah, I love that place.” 

"I kinda figured that." 

\----

They had been at the bar for a few hours now. After eating and playing some pool, they had sat down at a table and were able to just talk. It was nice and Ali was genuinely having a good time. She hadn't asked Ashlyn anything about herself yet. She wanted to enjoy the night first without all the seriousness. There would be time to ask her more serious questions later. 

They were laughing about a case Ashlyn was telling her about when they turned to see Chris standing next to their table. It had taken a minute before they even realized he was there.

"Hey." Chris said when they finally saw him.

"Hi. Want to join us?" Ali asked politely, and Ashlyn made a face.

"I'm sure Chris has something better to do." 

Chris looked at Ashlyn. It was a bit awkward. The three of them didn't say a word for a few minutes. Ali sensed the tension; Hell the whole bar could sense the tension. "You know what? Chris, stay for a few minutes and talk to your sister. I have to use the bathroom.” 

Chris nodded as Ali excused herself and sat across from Ashlyn. "What's up, Ash? You and Ali seeing each other now?" 

"And what if we are?" Ashlyn spat back, not liking his tone. 

"You know what? Nothing. Never mind.” 

Ashlyn narrowed her eyes. "Why are you so negative about me seeing her?” 

“I'm just looking out for you. She’s got issues.”

Ashlyn was silent for a moment. She knew that Chris could be protective of her and she knew that he meant well but it still irritated her. She glanced at Ali as she came out of the bathroom and stopped by the bar to talk to the bartender. She was laughing, and Ashlyn’s heart fluttered in her chest.

“Why does it matter?” She turned back to her brother. “It’s none of your business.”

"I just think... maybe I've never seen her like this before. Look at her; she seems different somehow. I'm not sure how to put my finger on it, but maybe you're good for her. I just hope she's good for you too, Ash. You've just moved on from your own issues and I know you’re still obsessing over dad's-" 

"She _is_ good for me too.” Ashlyn cut him off, annoyed. “We're good for each other. She just hasn't realized it yet." 

"And you have?" Chris asked quickly as Ali approached. 

"Yep, I have." Ashlyn said with a confident smile.

Ali took a seat and Chris took his cue to leave.

"It's late." She said softly as she looked at Ashlyn, noticing the slight hint of exhaustion in her eyes. 

"I know. Let me take you home.”

Ashlyn drove them back to Ali’s cottage in silence, until Ali spoke up. 

“Are you okay?” Ashlyn didn’t respond and Ali noticed that she seemed distracted. She reached out to touch her thigh. “Ash?”

“I’m fine.” Ashlyn finally replied, and Ali saw her smile briefly as she watched the road. She reached over with the hand that wasn't on the wheel and took Ali's, intertwining their fingers, and now it was Ali’s turn to smile. 

They arrived at Ali’s cottage and walked to the front door. Ali opened the lock and turned to Ashlyn. "Wanna come in?" She asked a bit shyly. 

Ashlyn smiled. She wanted to go in, she really wanted to, but she didn't know how she would keep her hands off Ali if they were in there alone. They had had such a great time tonight and at this point Ashlyn wanted her even more than she had wanted her before. 

"I’m not sure it's a good idea." She said, rubbing the back of her neck thoughtfully.

Ali understood perfectly but she didn't want the night to end. She hadn't even found out anything about Ashlyn yet. "I understand. I just… I'm just having so much fun I don't want it to end yet and we haven’t even had the chance to really talk yet."

Ashlyn looked at her for a moment. She was so damn beautiful. How could she ever turn her down? 

“Okay.”

Ashlyn followed Ali into her home. The place was kind of small but cute in a cozy way. They walked into the living room and Ali stood near the couch. "Do you want something?" She asked and she saw Ashlyn frown, making her laugh. "Like coffee, tea, water..." 

Ashlyn smiled. “Oh. No thanks.” 

They both sat down and Ali fidgeted with a pillow for a moment. "I had a great time tonight."

Ashlyn’s smile got bigger. "Yeah, me too. It was fun. Really fun. You're really fun." 

She gazed into Ali’s eyes and couldn’t help herself. She leaned in and lightly brushed their lips together before giving her a chaste, teasing kiss. Ali rolled her eyes and cupped the blonde's cheek, pressing her lips against hers more roughly and kissing her deeply. 

They parted and Ali gently brushed her thumb over Ashlyn's jaw. “That was great but I really want to know a few things about you. You know so much about me." Ashlyn nodded her head for Ali to go ahead as she leaned back against the couch. "Have you ever been married?" 

"No." 

"Why did you become a cop?" Ali asked and she saw Ashlyn tense up.

Ashlyn glanced down at her hands as they nervously rubbed together. "My dad was one. He died and it made me want to help people, put the bad guys away." 

“Ashlyn…” Ali breathed out as Ashlyn lifted her head. Her eyes met the saddest pools of hazel she had ever seen and her heart clenched tightly in her chest. "I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to lose someone you love.”

"Yes it is. I've... I've also lost someone else... someone I was starting to love. She worked with me. She was my partner and she was also killed in the line of duty like my dad."

Ali felt more than selfish. She had been so caught up in her own problems that she hadn’t bothered to learn more about Ashlyn’s past until now, and she suddenly longed to be closer to her. She rested her head against Ashlyn’s shoulder and took her hand, stroking it gently.

“I’m really sorry, Ash. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Ashlyn shrugged. “It just never came up.”

Ali frowned sadly. She wrapped her arm around Ashlyn’s waist and pulled her into her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I’m here for you too, you know?”

Ashlyn pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, as if to push back her tears. “I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”

“Okay, we don’t have to.” Ali murmured sympathetically, prying Ashlyn’s hands away from her face and giving her a soft smile. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

She stood up, still holding Ashlyn’s hand, and led her to the stairs. Ashlyn followed in silence and they walked into a room with a pool table and a dartboard. Ashlyn looked around and smiled when Ali grabbed two sticks off the wall. 

"Wanna play or did I beat you bad enough already?" She asked, and Ashlyn felt her sadness from their conversation seep away.

She grabbed the rack and started organizing the balls.

"So Harris, what are you gonna do?" Ali asked a few minutes into the game, meaning the eight ball. Ashlyn was lining up her shot and Ali was standing behind her, so closely that Ashlyn could feel the heat radiating off her body. She leaned even closer when Ashlyn took her shot and it caused her to scratch. 

Ali laughed as Ashlyn shot her a look. "That wasn't fair." 

“Too bad. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen.” 

Ashlyn swallowed. It was definitely hot in there. She reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind Ali’s ear. “You’re so beautiful.”

Ali couldn't take it anymore.

She lunged at Ashlyn's mouth, drawing her in for a fiery kiss. Ashlyn moaned and curled her hand around the back of Ali’s neck, running her fingers through the soft hairs at the base, as Ali nibbled on her bottom lip, the kiss quickly growing in heat. Ali pulled away from Ashlyn's mouth and moved down to her neck, pausing to nip at a sensitive spot. She pressed the blonde up against the pool table and shoved a thigh between her legs, applying pressure to where she needed her most. 

“Ali…” Ashlyn somehow managed to get out in between heavy breaths. “Wait.” 

“What?” Ali mumbled, distracted, laying open-mouthed kisses on Ashlyn’s neck.

"We can't… I mean…” Ashlyn tried her hardest to form a coherent sentence. “I don't want to look back on this and regret anything... It's been a perfect night... for me anyway." 

Ali didn’t hear her at first but then she stopped. Ashlyn was right. They had done this before and although she never regretted it, she wanted this to be different. This was a start for them, their beginning so to speak, a beginning to a relationship about more than just sex. There would be a time and place for this, just not tonight. 

She pulled back and smiled at the sight of Ashlyn’s flushed cheeks. "You’re right.”

Ashlyn returned the smile. “I should go.”

Ali nodded in agreement and showed her to the door. They stopped briefly and Ashlyn pulled Ali into a hug. Ali sighed and soaked up her warmth, speaking softly into her ear. “Thanks for tonight.”

“You too.” Ashlyn mumbled back before pulling away. "See you at work tomorrow."

Ali went to bed feeling good and a bit frustrated at the same time. Ashlyn’s lips, her hands, her touch, drove her crazy tonight. Hell, they drove her crazy every time she was near. She just didn't want to admit that she wanted her and that she was getting to her, opening her up more and more every time they were together. 

Ali got undressed and slipped into bed. She was still smiling. How was Ashlyn able to accomplish all this; for her to feel this way? Ashlyn helped to ease the pain she always felt being with someone, going on a date, the guilt of what happened all those years ago. Just being with Ashlyn, joking around, playing pool, helped. 

She wondered why. Why hadn't being around any other woman or man helped at all? Maybe Ashlyn was right, in more ways than one. Maybe she just hadn’t met the right person yet… until now. For the first time in a long time she felt as if she was happy. Content. At peace. If she was starting to feel all those things, all those emotions, then maybe she'd even be able to find love, feel love, or could she already be starting to feel it?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of fluff. In loving memory of Ashlyn's hair (I'm kidding I like her new hair too).

Chapter 9

The next morning, Ali walked into the station. She went to her desk in the lab and looked at her calendar. She looked at the date and sighed when she saw that she had her drug screening today. The new governor had made it mandatory for all Law enforcement personnel to have annual screenings at the hospital. 

She worked for a few hours before it was time to leave. She made her way through the lobby and passed Ashlyn’s office door. She paused and glanced inside. Ashlyn looked up from her computer screen and smiled, motioning for her to come in. 

Ashlyn walked towards her as she closed to the door behind her and she had a serious look on her face. Ali watched her curiously as she closed the blinds, but before she had time to register what was happening, Ashlyn’s arms were around her waist and she pulled her into a kiss. The brunette was surprised by the forcefulness of her actions and it took her a moment to respond to the kiss, her eyes fluttering shut. 

"What was that for?" Ali whispered after pulling away, dazed.

A light blush spread across Ashlyn's cheeks and she shrugged. "I just felt like doing that."

"Well, good morning to you too." 

Ashlyn grinned. "It is now." 

A few moments of silence passed as Ali studied Ashlyn's features, a gentle smile in place. “I wish I could stay but I have an appointment."

She walked to the door and started to open it when Ashlyn stopped her by grabbing her arm. "It will be even nicer seeing me later. Say dinner?" 

"I can't tonight.” Ali told her, and she looked disappointed.

"Plans?” She asked curiously.

"Yep, I’ve got a date." Ali replied, and to her amusement, Ashlyn’s face darkened immediately. She laughed. "A date with a three-year-old. I'm babysitting my cousin's daughter.”

"Oh.” Ashlyn lightened up. "Afterwards then? We're both off tomorrow." 

"She's spending the night.”

“Oh.” Ashlyn let go of Ali’s arm and Ali once again moved to leave. "Does she like pizza?”

Ali turned back to her. “Why?”

"Well, I thought maybe I could stop by around 7 and bring the two of you pizza. That is if she likes pizza… and you too… of course." Ashlyn suddenly seemed shy, and Ali couldn’t help but find it cute.

"That’s sweet.” She smiled at Ashlyn’s grin. “But you better bring it around 5:30. She starts getting ready for bed around 7." 

Ashlyn nodded. “5.30 it is.”

\----

Twenty minutes later, Ali walked into an exam room in the hospital. After a few minutes of waiting, Chris walked in and Ali couldn’t help but find it a bit awkward that he was her doctor. She didn’t say anything though.

"Here's the cup. You know the drill." 

“Yep.” Ali mumbled before retreating into the private bathroom.

She came out a few minutes later with her urine sample in hand. Chris took it and started to fill out the proper paperwork. Ali was about to leave when he stopped her. "Wait. Do you have a few minutes to talk about my sister?" 

Ali cringed. Things were going well between Ashlyn and her. She didn't need Chris sticking his nose into things. "What is it?” She asked him a bit impatiently.

"Ali... I don't want to pry but..." 

"Then don't, Chris." 

"Ali, she's my sister and I just want to make sure she doesn't get hurt." 

"She's a big girl, Chris, and… and I like her a lot, okay? If that makes you feel better. She's not like anyone I've been with and I don't plan on hurting her.”

"Ali, you never plan on hurting anyone. It just happens sometimes.” Chris sighed, looking at her both apologetically and pleadingly. “You’re not the only one who’s struggling, you know? I don’t know if she told you but…”

“She did.”

Chris looked surprised. “Well, it may seem like she’s moved on but I’m not sure that’s the case. I’m worried about her because-”

"Chris, I've gotta go. I don't want to have this conversation with you and I don’t think Ashlyn would appreciate it. Like I said, Ashlyn can take care of herself. Let’s leave it at that." 

She excused herself and didn’t wait for a reply from Chris.

\----

Ashlyn walked up to Ali’s door with a pizzabox in her hands. She rang the bell and stood there for a few minutes but Ali didn't answer. She peeked through the front window and saw the place was a mess, toys littered everywhere.

She rang the bell again and watched through the window as a small, dark-haired girl ran towards the door. "Aunt Ali, there's a strange woman at the door!" She yelled, making Ashlyn laugh. “She's got a pizza!" 

Ali smiled at the young girl's words. “Then I guess she can't be that strange. Not if she's bringing us pizza." She told her in a playful voice as she opened the door for Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn thought Ali was cute. She leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips. Ali was a bit shocked by Ashlyn’s way of greeting her. It was definitely something that she was unsure of. Ashlyn seemed to be kissing her a lot lately, and she couldn’t deny that she kind of liked it.

"Allie, this is the strange woman with the pizza. Her name is Ashlyn.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Ashlyn smirked and shook the girl’s chubby little hand before looking at Ali. “Allie, huh? Doesn’t that get confusing?”

Ali shrugged. “Most of my family calls me Alex.”

“I like it.” Ashlyn flashed her a dimpled smile that melted her heart. She stared into Ashlyn’s eyes for a moment. Part of her was worried because Ashlyn’s was getting too close, too fast, but at the same time, she felt a warmth inside that excited her. 

She took the pizza from her and led the way to the kitchen. 

They ate and had some laughs; Ashlyn couldn’t keep her eyes off Ali. She just couldn't get over it. She was such a natural with the girl. After dinner, Ali took Allie upstairs to get washed up and put her pajamas on. Ashlyn took it upon herself to start cleaning up the mess and then she went into the living room to wait for them to come down. 

She walked over to the fireplace and started looking at the pictures on the mantle.

Ali came down the stairs, giving Allie a piggyback ride. She placed her on the couch and started her favorite movie before walking over to Ashlyn.

Ashlyn held out a picture. "Who are all these people? I recognized that one guy from when I took you to the hospital." 

"Yeah, that's my brother Kyle. And that’s my mom. And that’s my stepdad." She liked how Ashlyn genuinely seemed interested. 

"Is this one Allie when she was just born?" 

"Yeah it is. She was so small back then. Time goes by fast doesn't it?” 

Ashlyn smiled softly but didn’t say anything. 

"I've got more pictures if you’re really interested in seeing them.”

"I'd love to." 

Ali disappeared into another room and came out with two big books. They sat down and went through the first book together. It were mostly pictures of her family, but also pictures of when she and Kyle came to live with Ted. The second was a mixture of everyone and everything.

“You and your brother seem pretty close.”

"Yeah, we were always together growing up. He helped me a lot after the accident. He never blamed me even though I blamed myself.” Ali glanced away, trying to hide the sadness on her face.

Ashlyn watched her. She knew this was hard for her, then and even now. This opening up thing was hard but she was doing it and doing it so well. 

Ali went to check on Allie for a moment and when she saw she was asleep, she picked her up and started to carry her upstairs. Ashlyn sat down on the couch, fidgeting with her hands, as she waited for Ali to return.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Ali asked as she walked back into the living room. Ashlyn didn’t respond, and Ali noticed that she appeared to be lost in thought. Ali placed her hand on her shoulder to get her attention. “You okay?”

Ashlyn looked at her. “Is this weird?”

“What?” Ali frowned in confusion.

“For me to be here and for it to feel so… normal?” Ashlyn clarified with a slightly worried look on her face. “I care about you a lot, you know, and when I’m with you I kind of can’t keep my hands to myself. But if this is moving too fast for you, I need you to tell me. Please tell me, okay?”

“Ash…” Ali sighed as she sat down next to her. “I care about you too and I’m not gonna lie, it kinda overwhelms me how much. But weren’t you the one who told me not to overthink things?” Ashlyn nodded sheepishly, feeling foolish. Ali smiled and placed her hand on the blonde’s thigh. “So let’s just go with it.”

“Does that mean cuddling is not out of the question?”

Ali rolled her eyes. “Now you’re pushing it.”

She picked out a romantic comedy to watch and quickly put it on before rejoining Ashlyn on the couch. Ashlyn held open her arms and grinned brightly. “Come on. You know you want to.”

Ali groaned but cuddled into her side anyway, resting her head on her shoulder and sighing contentedly. She pressed a kiss to the underside of Ashlyn’s jaw as Ashlyn gently stroked her hair. 

“I talked to Chris today.”

“Oh.” Ashlyn mumbled, not interested in talking about her brother. “At the hospital?”

“Yeah.” Ali replied, placing her hand on Ashlyn’s flat stomach and spreading her fingers. She sighed and stared at the screen for a moment. “He really doesn’t want us seeing each other, does he?”

“He needs to stop being so protective.” Ashlyn grumbled, fighting the urge to close her eyes. It had been a long day and sitting here with Ali like this lulled her into a sleepy state.

Ali pursed her lips as she rubbed small circles on Ashlyn's stomach, all too aware of the relaxing effect it was having on Ashlyn. She didn’t want to ask questions that might upset her and ruin the night, but she wanted to know. “Why is he like that?”

“Huh?” Ashlyn’s eyes were now closed. 

Ali smiled a little. “Why is he so protective of you?”

“I don’t know.” Ashlyn scrunched up her nose at the idea of having this conversation and peered at Ali through one eye. “Because of stuff that happened in the past, I guess. I told you about those things.”

Ali contemplated her words for a moment. “Will you tell me about her?”

Ashlyn immediately knew who she was talking about. She cleared her throat, opting to look at the screen rather than Ali’s face. 

“Her name was Lara.” She said in a surprisingly even voice. “Like I told you, she was killed on the job. It should’ve been a simple arrest but the guy ran. He was armed. A gunfire followed and well…” 

Ali carefully searched Ashlyn’s features, looking for a hint of emotion. She couldn’t find any, but she kissed her on the cheek anyway, hoping to offer her some comfort. “I’m sorry.”

“I wish I could go back and do things differently. Maybe she would’ve still been alive. Maybe I didn’t cover her well enough. Maybe I hesitated. Maybe I had a clear shot at him at some point but hesitated and that one moment of hesitation cost Lara her life. But I don’t remember, Al, I don’t know…”

“Hey, look at me." Ali said in a hushed voice, placing her hands on Ashlyn's cheeks and tilting her face up, forcing eye-contact. "What are you talking about? You’re great at your job, Ash. The guy who shot her made that decision that day. You can’t blame yourself.”

Ashlyn sighed, comforted by the warmth she found in Ali’s eyes. She couldn’t believe that this was the same Ali as the one who didn’t want anything to do with her and pushed her away. In that moment, she was beyond grateful that she hadn’t given up on her because being with Ali, simply being around her, made her happier than anything else in the world.

“I know but that’s easier said than done.”

Ali nodded. She understood. She knew what it was like to feel guilty over something, knowing deep down that you’re not actually to blame but still doubting yourself anyway. She gently stroked her thumb over Ashlyn’s jawline before leaning in to give her a kiss on the lips. “We’re both pretty fucked up, aren’t we?”

Ashlyn laughed at the blunt remark. “Maybe that’s why we like each other so much.”

“Maybe.” Ali smiled, settling back into Ashlyn’s arms.

“Hey Al?”

“Yeah?”

“What are we doing?”

Ali lifted her head off Ashlyn’s shoulder to see her face more clearly. “What do you mean?”

“I know you said to just go with the flow, but are we like… dating?”

“Do you want us to be?”

Ashlyn’s heart started to pound a little faster. “Yeah. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

Ali bit her lip as a shudder of anxiety rippled through her body. She really did like Ashlyn a lot, but making things official made it so… real. Doubts and insecurities began creeping into her mind and she let out a shaky breath. Was she really ready for this? To make this type of commitment? 

Ashlyn could see the hesitation on Ali’s face and she felt her heart plummet. She removed her arm from around Ali’s waist and stared at her lap, her shoulders slumping with rejection. She felt stupid, for asking but also for being so upset. “I’m sorry. It’s too fast. I don’t mean to push you.”

Ali cringed at the hurt and disappointment in Ashlyn’s voice. She decided that she didn’t want to let her fears win again because despite them, she felt safe with Ashlyn. The way Ashlyn looked at her, like she was all that mattered, made her feel brave.

She slipped onto Ashlyn’s lap, her hands finding their way to Ashlyn’s cheeks again almost naturally, and when her eyes met tear-filled hazel ones, she knew that Ashlyn really, deeply cared, and suddenly the words just started flowing. “I think this thing between us... this going back and starting from the beginning… I think it may be moving faster than we originally wanted it to, than we originally expected it to, or at least for me, anyway. Because I think… never mind." 

Ashlyn draped her arms around Ali’s waist unsurely. “Because why?”

"Because I don't want to ruin this.” Ali admitted. “You’re so afraid of scaring me off but that won’t happen. Lots of things scare me but for some reason, you don't. You actually make me feel safe, which is something I've never felt before. Well, not in a real long time anyway. I know it’s stupid and I don’t mean to get all sentimental but sometimes it feels too good to be true.” 

Ashlyn’s eyes brightened a little. “It’s not stupid. I never expected any of this either but Ali…”

“What is it?”

“I think I'm falling in love with you. Hell, I think I've already fallen.”

Ali offered her a watery smile. "Okay, I lied. There are a few things that do scare me when I'm with you. I'm scared of hurting you, scared of failing you, and as scared as I am of loving you, I still think that maybe I do." 

Ashlyn felt herself getting emotional again and decided to stay silent, afraid that she would burst into tears if she spoke. That would be embarrassing. As if sensing her thoughts, Ali pulled her into a hug. 

Ashlyn smiled and buried her face in the curve of Ali's neck, grateful for the hiding spot. “I’m sorry for getting emotional.”

Ali chuckled. “I really was so, so wrong about you when we first met. Who knew big, bad lieutenant Harris was such a softie?”

“Shut up.”

Ali kissed the top of her head before maneuvering herself so that she was sitting next to her. They watched the rest of the movie in silence, but neither of them could really concentrate on it. Ashlyn was close to falling asleep while Ali couldn’t stop sneaking glances at her. She never would’ve thought that she would meet someone she’d let so close to her heart so easily. She had told Ashlyn more about herself than she had told her ex-husband during the entire span of their marriage, and as crazy as it was, she didn’t regret it. She didn’t regret it because while she used to want to run away from Ashlyn, run away from all her feelings, she now just wanted to be close to her. 

By the time the movie came to an end, Ashlyn was leaning heavily against Ali and Ali could tell that she was asleep by the way her warm, deep breaths blew steadily against the side of her neck. 

“Ash.” She shook her a bit. “Ash, wake up.”

Ashlyn let out a mumble of protest as she slowly cracked her eyes open. Ali shot her a sweet smile, and Ashlyn returned it. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Ali laughed softly. 

“Sorry I fell asleep. I should go.”

“You can stay here.”

“What about Allie? What if she asks questions?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. She didn't even blink when you kissed me so I don't think she understands that stuff yet.”

“Okay.” Ashlyn mumbled, pulling herself upright and stretching her arms out above her head. 

Ali got up to turn off the TV and quickly walked around the place to turn off all the lights and check to see if the door was locked before returning to Ashlyn who was still seated on the couch. Her heart melted at the sight of Ashlyn’s droopy eyes. She didn’t know how the woman could go from sexy to cute in a matter of seconds but she sure wasn’t complaining. 

“Come on, sleepy.” She coaxed the blonde into a standing position and led her into the bedroom. They brushed their teeth and got changed before crawling under the covers. Ali rolled onto her side and Ashlyn settled behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist protectively. Ali didn't complain. Instead, she tangled their legs together and slowly ran her hand over Ashlyn’s thigh, caressing the exposed skin. “Goodnight, Ash.”

Ashlyn pressed a kiss to the back of Ali’s neck and closed her eyes. “Good night, Al.”


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 

Ali woke up sometime around two in the morning. She tried to untangle herself from Ashlyn’s grip carefully without waking her but it was next to impossible with the way she was holding her. She tried wiggling free and cringed when Ashlyn began to stir. 

"What's going on?" She croaked out, still very much out of it.

"I just wanna check on Allie and get some water. You thirsty?" Ali asked, and Ashlyn mumbled “yes” as she fell back to sleep. 

Ali smiled and kissed her on the cheek before slipping out of bed. She went out into the hall and glanced into the room Allie was staying in. The child was still very much asleep so Ali went downstairs and got a glass of water. 

She was heading back upstairs when she stopped and looked over towards the photo albums that were still lying on the coffee table. She turned on the small floor lamp and sat in the chair by the sofa. 

She started to open the album with pictures of her parents in it, but then hesitated. She had flipped through it quickly earlier, without telling Ashlyn any of the stories that went with the images. She hadn't looked at them in so long; they always hurt to look at. 

She could do this, she told herself, she could look at these pictures, remember everything, and not let it affect her so much. She could find the strength to not let her guilt and her grief ruin her life; ruin something that might turn out to be the best thing that happened to her. She would not let it ruin something with a person who might be the best thing that happened to her. 

She took a deep breath and slowly opened the album. She looked at the first picture of her parents and ran her fingers over their faces. 

Ashlyn didn't make a noise or say a word, but Ali knew she was standing behind her. She felt her presence. 

Ali looked up at her briefly and scooted over a bit on the over-sized chair, making room for her to join her. Ashlyn took the hint and sat with her as she continued to look at the picture.

"This picture was taken on my birthday. It was the first birthday I spent with my stepdad there. Things were always so different after my dad left and special days always made it a little harder. But my stepdad was great. It was a great day." 

Ashlyn nodded in understanding. She placed her hand on Ali’s lower back and watched as the brunette continued to flip through the pages, explaining every picture, as she listened intently. It was rare for Ali to share stories about her family so Ashlyn wanted to capture this moment and remember it forever. 

"This was taken on Halloween." 

"You both looked so cute." Ashlyn smiled, looking at the picture of a young Ali and Kyle in their Halloween costumes.

"I was a bumblebee and Kyle was a turtle. Not very scary, I know." Ali explained, and Ashlyn laughed. "But my mom made our costumes herself and we loved them.”

"That's sweet." Ashlyn said, resting her head on Ali’s shoulder.

Ali nodded. "She was sweet."

They continued to look at pictures until Ali turned the last page with trembling hands. Blinking back tears, she spoke softly. "This is the last picture we ever took together." Ashlyn felt her heart ache and she couldn't stop herself from wrapping her arm around Ali’s waist, pulling her against her. Ali closed her eyes at the contact before opening them again, letting out a shuddering breath. "I miss them so much.”

Ashlyn waited patiently until Ali had closed the photo album before pressing a sweet kiss to her temple. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

Ali turned so that she could wrap her arms around Ashlyn's neck, pulling her into a warm hug. Ashlyn hugged her back tightly, welcoming the intimacy. After a while, they pulled away and Ali flashed her a small, sad smile. "I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I want to let go of all that." She sighed as tears filled her eyes. "For the first time since the accident, I really feel like I can move past this.”

“You can.” Ashlyn said softly, genuinely. “I never knew your parents but I know that’s what they would’ve wanted.”

Ali squeezed her eyes shut, causing her tears to spill onto her cheeks. Ashlyn pulled her into a hug again and stroked her fingers through her dark locks soothingly. She wanted nothing more than to take Ali's hurt away forever but she simply didn't know how to. All she could do was be there for her and listen to her.

“You know what I don’t understand?” Ali asked after she had calmed down a bit, her words slightly muffled from where her face was buried against Ashlyn’s shoulder. “My mom and my stepdad didn’t want to leave us… they never had a choice… but my dad… how can you just walk out on your family like that? Part of me doesn’t want to know because I’m scared of the answer… but another part of me just can’t let it go.”

“Have you ever tried to look for him?” Ashlyn asked carefully. It was rare to see this side of Ali, so vulnerable, and Ashlyn didn't want her to build her walls back up. 

Ali shook her head and pulled back to look at her. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What does Kyle think?”

Ali huffed. “He wants absolutely nothing to do with him. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s better this way. Why mess with the past, right? Like I said, I want to start moving on.”

Ashlyn nodded slowly, her brow furrowing. Ali smiled at her expression. She knew that Ashlyn wanted to help but couldn’t figure out how. She had felt that way earlier, when Ashlyn told her about old partner. It was obvious that they both had their baggage, their pasts, but for the first time in a long time, Ali didn’t feel so alone anymore, and as much as the thought scared her, she was confident that together… together they could get through whatever. 

After several moments of silence, Ali spoke. “Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

Ashlyn nodded and allowed Ali to lead her back upstairs.

\----

It was about eight in the morning when there was a knock on Ali's bedroom door and a small voice came bellowing through. "Aunty Ali... can I come in? I'm awake." 

Ashlyn’s eyes shot open. She jumped out of bed and frantically started looking for her pants, given the fact she was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt. Her eyes widened in panic when she heard the doorknob start to turn. She had kind of hoped to make a quiet escape.

She heard Ali laugh and looked at her in confusion.

"What are you laughing at?” She hissed, pulling on her pants. 

"She isn't tall enough nor does she have enough coordination to turn the knob all the way to open the door." Ali explained, still laughing, and almost as soon as the words left her mouth, Allie opened the door and was pushing it open. 

Ashlyn freaked out internally, while Ali's smile and laughter quickly faded. 

Allie walked into the room. "Hey, I didn’t know you was having a sleepover?" 

"Um..." Ali fumbled for words, and it was now Ashlyn's turn to laugh. 

"Mommy and daddy have sleepovers all the time. Can I have breakfast now?" The girl asked innocently, and Ali nodded quickly.

Ashlyn walked over to her and took her hand. "Come on, I'll make you something to eat while aunt Ali gets up." She turned to Ali briefly and gave her a look. “Not tall enough, huh?”

\----

Twenty minutes later, Ali walked into the kitchen where she found Ashlyn and Allie seated at the table, each with a bowl of cereal in front of them. She smiled and turned to the cabinet to get herself a bowl too. 

Five minutes later, the doorbell rang. 

"It’s gotta be mommy and daddy, it’s gotta be." Allie said as she ran towards the door, Ali following behind not too far.

Ali opened the door and was surprised to find Kyle. 

“Uncle Kyle!” Allie squealed excitedly. 

Kyle ruffled her hair. “Hey, little one.”

“What are you doing here?” Ali asked.

“Good morning to you too.” Kyle rolled his eyes as he walked inside. “I agreed to pick up Allie and drop her off at home.”

“Oh…”

“What…” He was just about to say something when he saw a woman walk out of Ali's kitchen. His voice caught in his throat. He looked at Ali but Ali was avoiding eye-contact which told him enough. His mouth continued to hang open as Allie walked over to Ashlyn and took her hand.

"This is Ashy. She gave us a pizza and she had a sleepover with aunty Ali." 

Ashlyn’s face turned red as she stepped forward to shake Kyle’s hand. "Ashlyn Harris." 

Neither Kyle or Ali said anything. They couldn't seem to find words. After a few minutes, Kyle finally went over and shook Ashlyn's hand. He smiled knowingly at Ali as he spoke to Ashlyn. 

"You're Chris’s sister, right?" 

Ashlyn nodded. 

"You're the new Chief of Detectives, right?" 

Ashlyn nodded again as they watched Allie run into the kitchen for something. 

"So that means you and Alex work together, huh? Friends, huh? Are you sure there isn't anything else going on here?" He continued to drill Ashlyn as he kept smiling at Ali who was starting to get mad at all the questions being hauled at Ashlyn. "So you had a sleepover… as in the Chief of Detectives here slept in the other spare bedroom?" 

Ali lost it a bit. "Yes Kyle. Yes we had a... sleepover. But Ashlyn didn't sleep in the spare room, okay? She slept in my room. In my bed. With me. Are you happy now, nag? Can you stop with the third degree?” She was hostile at first but then ended up laughing at the last part. 

Kyle joined her, but Ashlyn didn’t think it was funny. She awkwardly cleared her throat, her face burning with embarrassment as she quickly made her exit. “Uh… I’ll go check on Allie.”

“Oh no, the poor woman is traumatized already.” Kyle continued to laugh before quieting, his face turning more serious. “She's really cute, Alex." 

Ali smiled. "I know, but she's much more than that." 

Kyle looked at her for a moment. He was surprised by the tone of his sister’s voice. Her face, even… something was different. "I can tell. She seems different than the others. You really like her, don’t you? I’m right, aren't I?”

Ali nodded. “Yeah, so don’t go scaring her off with your interrogations.”

Before Kyle had the chance to respond, Allie ran in with her stuff. 

After they left, Ashlyn looked at Ali with a sheepish expression. "Well, I guess that was pretty awkward. Your brother… he's... he's a bit..." 

"Annoying? Yep he is but that's Kyle and I love him for it.” Ali said and she couldn't believe it. She just said the word ‘love’ about her brother. A small smile lit up her face. "You are so good for me, Ashlyn Harris.” 

Ashlyn smirked. "I am, aren't I?" 

Ali smiled mischievously and placed her hand on Ashlyn’s chest, pushing her backwards until she was pressed against the wall. "Come on upstairs and show me how good you really are." 

In one swift motion, Ashlyn spun Ali around and crashed their lips together. She effortlessly lifted Ali by her hips and Ali wrapped her legs around her girlfriend’s waist as she began to carry her towards the bedroom.

\----

A while later, Ashlyn collapsed on top of Ali.

Their chests heaved in unison as they tried to catch their breath, their skin covered in a thin layer of sweat. Ali nuzzled her nose into Ashlyn’s hair and dropped a quick kiss on her forehead. "That was amazing."

Ashlyn hummed in agreement but didn't say anything, too dazed to do anything. Ali's fingers lazily traced patterns on her back, sending her into a state of complete relaxation. They stayed like that for a while and Ali was just starting to think that Ashlyn had fallen asleep when she spoke. 

"Is there anything you want to do today?" 

Ali smiled. "We've already done what I wanted to do a few times." 

Ashlyn laughed softly. "Seriously, what do you want to do today? Do you have plans? Can we spend the day together?" 

"If we can spend it in bed." 

“Damn, who knew you were such a horndog.” Ashlyn mumbled, groaning when Ali elbowed her in the ribs. “Hey, what was that for?”

She curled onto her side dramatically, and Ali rolled her eyes. 

“Stop being a child.” She rolled onto her side as well, wrapping her arms around Ashlyn waist and kissing her shoulder. “Why do we have to go outside where it’s cold and lonely and dark and unpleasant when we can stay inside?”

Ashlyn chuckled. “That was really dramatic, babe.”

Ali tensed at the petname. 

Ashlyn noticed and she rolled over to face her, her eyes widening. “I’m-”

Ali cut her off with a kiss on the lips. She placed her hand on her cheek and gazed directly into warm, hazel eyes. “Don’t take it back.”

Ashlyn rested their foreheads together. “Okay.” She whispered.

\-----

They spent the next days together, getting to know each other more, having fun and being content together. 

Ashlyn told Ali more about herself, about growing up with her parents, about how her mom turned to alcohol after her dad died and how their relationship had been strained since then. She explained to Ali how much it hurt and how it took her a long time to deal with it. She also told Ali more about her old partner, about how her guilt wasn’t only based on the fact that she felt like she should have been able to prevent her death, but also on the fact that they had even been arguing that day. They had an argument about something stupid but they brought it into the job.

Ali listened, held her, kissed her, and their connection only grew stronger.

Ashlyn had spent the last few nights at Ali's cottage with her; she was comfortable there with her, both physically and emotionally. 

She groaned at the sound of the alarm going off and squeezed her eyes shut tighter. She didn't want to leave the warmth radiating off the body curled up against her but she had to get up and get ready for work. Her and Ali both did.

“Al, wake up.” She shook her a little. “We’re going to be late.”

Ali groaned loudly and buried her face deeper into her pillow.

"Come on." Ashlyn nudged her again before climbing out of bed. She stretched a little and grabbed a t-shirt, pulling it over her head. "You take a shower and I'll fix you some breakfast."

"But…" Ali started to say something but Ashlyn cut her off.

"No protests." She said firmly as she walked over to Ali who was sitting upright and gave her a quick kiss. "I'm making my girl breakfast. Now go and get your butt in the shower."

Ali tried to glare at her but found it impossible with the way she was smiling at her. She sighed and got out of bed before slowly dragging herself into the bathroom.

“Can I take you out for lunch today?” Ashlyn asked ten minutes later, staring at the plate of half-eaten breakfast in front of her. Ali watched for a moment as she distractedly pushed her food around before answering.

“Sure.” She said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Ashlyn mumbled.

Ali narrowed her eyes skeptically. Ashlyn got like this sometimes, quiet and distracted, and Ali knew that she spent a lot of time thinking about things; questioning the world around them. When she got like this though, so withdrawn, Ali couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else… if she was holding something back. 

Ali had told Ashlyn everything about herself, and she couldn’t fathom the thought of Ashlyn not being able to do the same.

She stood up and walked around the table, wrapping her arms around Ashlyn from behind. “What’s going on?”

Ashlyn sighed and pushed her plate away. “Nothing. I just didn’t sleep well.”

“I know. You were tossing and turning for hours.” 

“I’m sorry.” Ashlyn said guiltily, and Ali kissed her cheek.

“It’s okay. What was keeping you up?”

“I was just thinking about… stuff.”

“Is this about our conversation?” Ali asked softly, wondering if she had pushed Ashlyn too far asking questions about her dad last night and details of how he died. Ashlyn claimed to have moved on, but Ali wasn’t so sure. Maybe she was past the grieving stage… but there was something else… something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. 

“No. It’s fine. I’m fine.” Ashlyn stood up and picked up her plate, bringing it to the sink. “Don’t worry, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Ashlyn’s face softened and she gave Ali a small smile. “I’m gonna go get dressed.”

They went their separate ways at work. Ashlyn to her office, Ali to her lab. As usual.

Around lunchtime, Ali went to see Ashlyn. 

When she arrived at Ashlyn’s office, Ashlyn was on the phone.

Ali leaned against the doorframe, watching as Ashlyn paced up and down the room. She noticed how her fingers were curled tightly around the phone and how her jaw kept clenching and unclenching. She looked angry and after she hung up, she just stood there for a while, blankly staring ahead. 

“Ash?” Ali called out softly, and Ashlyn whirled around to face her.

She forced a smile onto her face. “Oh hey.”

“Who was that on the phone?”

“No one important. Just a case I’m working on.”

“What case?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Ashlyn walked up to her and reached behind her to close the door before giving her a kiss. "It's lunchtime." 

"It is, isn’t it?” Ali smiled and squirmed as Ashlyn started to nibble on her neck. "Ash, you need to stop! Someone could walk in." 

"So what?" 

Ali pulled out of her grip and looked at her. "The bar?" 

"Nah, it’s a nice day. Let’s get something quick from the diner and take a walk outside.”

Twenty minutes later, they were walking through the park, laughing, talking, having a great time. 

"I can't believe this, you know? You and me, us, how open you make me, how free I feel with you, how much I feel now… you've done that for me." Ali said as they walked, holding hands. 

Ashlyn smiled at her words. "I love that I could do that for you. I love you." 

Ali’s heart skipped a beat in shock. Did Ashlyn really just tell her that she loved her? How could she say it so casually? She tried to find words but she couldn't. She would have loved to say those words back to Ashlyn but... but even though she was feeling them and even though she had implied that she loved Ashlyn too, she couldn't bring herself to say it. If she did, if she said the words, it would be too real and something might happen to Ashlyn… to them. 

"Ashlyn, I... I think… I-" 

"I know, I know. It's too soon. This is all new for you and I didn't mean to put any pressure on you. It just kinda slipped out. I wasn't planning on telling you so soon. Well, at least confirming it so soon. I think we've been showing each other how we feel for a while now." 

Ali squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry. I just don't think I'm ready to say it out loud yet. If I do... then something bad might happen, to you, to us. I hope you understand. I don't want to ruin it or jinx it. Am I even making sense?" She rambled, getting a bit frustrated inside.

"I understand.” Ashlyn reassured her. “There’s no time limit, you know? When you’re ready, you’re ready. I can wait.”

Ali smiled. She truly didn’t know what she had done to deserve Ashlyn. 

\----

The rest of the day passed by slowly and Ali was happy to finally go home. She stopped by Ashlyn’s office on her way out and was surprised to find it empty.

“Hey, have you seen lieutenant Harris?” She asked an officer, and he shrugged.

“Pretty sure she headed out already.”

Ali frowned. This was the first time in days that Ashlyn left without her. They hadn’t talked about it but there seemed to be some sort of unspoken agreement between them that they spent their nights together. That’s what Ali thought, anyway. Ashlyn always seemed happy to be close to her… It was always Ali who slowed things down when she felt like they were going too fast… So for Ashlyn to pull away came as a surprise to her.

Had she pushed Ashlyn too far? Was she finally getting sick of her insecurities? Or was she looking too much into things? She seemed fine during lunch… but there was no denying that she had been distracted lately. Fear crawled up and down Ali’s spine and she took a deep breath to calm herself down. There was no point in jumping to conclusions. Maybe Ashlyn just wasn’t feeling well or maybe she was tired… There was only one way to find out.

Ten minutes later, she was banging on Ashlyn’s door.

"Hey.” Ashlyn greeted her almost timidly, stepping aside so she could enter. 

"Why did you leave without saying anything?" Ali asked, almost choking on the words, almost allowing tears to come to her eyes. Her words sounded so damn needy to her own ears... no wonder Ashlyn didn’t want to be around her. Don't do this, Ali, don't cry… don't let her see you cry, that damn voice in her head was back.

"Is everything alright? You don't look so good?” Ashlyn asked worriedly, and Ali gaped at her. “What?”

“I thought…”

“What is it?”

“Why did you leave?”

Ashlyn glanced away. “I’m sorry. I had some stuff to take care of.” 

She started walking around her living room, rubbing her hands on her jeans, which Ali realized was a nervous habit. She walked over to her as she was picking something up and put her hand on hers over the item. "What's going on? I know there's something.” 

Ashlyn met her eyes with her own. "There's nothing." 

"I don't believe you. Did I do something?" 

"No I... I just needed some time alone. That's all.”

Ali dropped her hand as her defense mechanism automatically activated. “I should’ve seen this coming.”

“What…”

"It's because I couldn’t tell you I loved you today, isn't it?" She mumbled, more to herself than to Ashlyn. "It is, isn't it? I can only expect you to be patient for so long." 

“Ali…” Ashlyn tried to get her attention.

“I get it, Ashlyn. All this must be confusing for you. You’re my girlfriend. We spend all our time together and I know you can feel how I feel, but still I can’t say the words. How stupid is that?”

“Babe, stop.” Ashlyn took a step forwards so that she was standing directly in front of Ali. "I’m not mad at you because of that. I already told you that I can wait. You need to start trusting me. You need to start believing that I'm in this for good.”

“But you’re mad at me for something else?” Ali asked her in a small voice.

“No… Ali, I’m not mad at you. I promise. I just had to deal with some stuff but it has nothing to do with you. Don’t worry.”

Ali looked at her for a moment. “Why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not.” Ashlyn stepped away from her, running her fingers through her hair tiredly. “It’s just this case that I’m working on… that’s all.”

Ashlyn’s eyes held nothing but love and sincerity, and Ali felt herself begin to relax. It was then that she noticed how tired Ashlyn really looked and a wave of protectiveness surged through her body. She stepped closer to Ashlyn and placed her hand on her shoulder, rubbing it with a gentleness that made Ashlyn sigh. “Okay. You look exhausted, honey.”

“Did you just call me ‘honey’?”

Ali smacked her shoulder. “Why do you have to ruin it?”

Ashlyn laughed and slipped her arms around Ali’s waist, pulling her closer. “How about we order in and watch movies in bed?”

Ali smiled and leaned in to peck her lightly on the lips. "I'd love to."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments. The story gets dramatic now.

Chapter 11

The next couple of weeks flew by. It was like they were in their own private bubble and they couldn't be happier.

Ali felt comfortable around Ashlyn. There were only a few people in her life that she trusted and Ashlyn was on the top of her list. There was just something about Ashlyn’s presence that put her at ease. She knew she could be herself around Ashlyn without being judged, and she was a lot more relaxed now. Still, she couldn’t help but be scared sometimes; scared that the same things that happened in the past would happen again.

Whenever they had time off of work, they went on dates together. Ali was still amazed by how romantic Ashlyn was, and she couldn’t believe that she had once thought so little of her. She had been so wrong.

Ashlyn steered her car onto an open field and parked near some trees.

“I was thinking we could have a picnic. Or is that too cheesy?”

A smile spread across Ali’s face. “I like cheesy.”

They made small talk as they ate, and afterwards they lay down on the blanket, staring at the sky.

“I think my uncle knows about us.”

Ali’s words caught Ashlyn off guard and it took a moment for her to respond. “Okay…?”

“He keeps asking me about you and about how we spend so much time together. I think Kyle might have told him.” Ali pursed her lips thoughtfully, and when Ashlyn didn’t respond, she lifted her head off her chest to look at her. Ashlyn avoided her gaze, and Ali narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “What did he say to you?”

Ashlyn swallowed before squeaking out a small, “Nothing.”

“Ashlyn.”

“He just sort of gave me the ‘don’t hurt her’ speech.”

Ali sighed. “When?”

“A while ago.” Ashlyn admitted sheepishly. “Before we went on our first date.” 

Ali groaned loudly and buried her face against Ashlyn’s chest again. “I can’t believe him.”

“Are you mad that he knows?”

“No.” Ali kissed the side of Ashlyn’s neck. She knew that her uncle wouldn’t make a big deal out of it as long as they kept things professional on the job. As she had told Ashlyn on her first day, it was a small community and formalities weren’t so important. “But it’s embarrassing.”

“He’s just looking out for you.”

“I know.” Ali said. “I think it’s best if we keep it lowkey though. You know what the guys are like, they’d bug us about it endlessly.”

Ashlyn shivered at the thought. “True.”

“Besides, I kind of like sneaking around with you.”

Ashlyn smirked. “Oh really?”

Ali grinned and rolled on top of her. “Really.”

\-----

They grew closer everyday, and Ashlyn got to know Ali’s family better. She was even invited when Kyle introduced his new boyfriend. 

She had never felt so strongly about someone before and she was sure to let Ali know whenever she could, but still, Ali couldn’t say the words back.

Ashlyn knew that she was scared, scared of opening her heart, scared of being vulnerable, but it was getting harder and harder for her to purely focus on her feelings. She needed to hear Ali say it. She needed to know that Ali felt the same way as her. She tried to be patient, not wanting to push Ali, but it was starting to wear her out and she couldn’t help but feel more and more dejected.

“I knew this was a bad idea.” Ali mumbled unhappily, leaning against the kitchen counter. She looked at Ashlyn who was finishing setting the table and let out a deep sigh, scowling at the clock on the wall again. “I hate people who aren’t on time.”

Ashlyn bit her lip to hide her smile of amusement as she walked closer to Ali, placing her hands on her girlfriend’s hips and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “It’s not as if you’re always on time, Al.”

“Sometimes I like to make an entrance.” Ali said with a shrug, her eyes flickering up to meet Ashlyn’s. She crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw set tight in a stubborn expression. “When you’re going to meet your boyfriend’s sister, the least you can do is be on time.”

“I’m sure there’s a good reason.”

Ali hummed skeptically.

Finally, there was a knock on the door and Ali yanked it open faster than Ashlyn could blink. She was prepared to scold the two about being late but Kyle didn’t give her the chance to speak. “I’m sorry for being late.” He rushed out. “But Darren had a last minute emergency at work.”

“Yeah it’s my fault.” The tall guy that was standing next to him said with an apologetic smile. 

Ali blinked. “It’s fine.”

“It’s great to finally meet you.” Darren offered her his hand. “Kyle has told me so much about you.”

“Is that so?” Ali shook his hand before pulling away and gesturing for them to come inside. 

“Absolutely.” Darren told her with a grin, placing his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “He mostly assured me that even though you can be intimidating, you’re harmless.”

Ali arched an eyebrow at them, but then smiled.

“Al, you’re not already interrogating the poor guy, are you?” Ashlyn’s voice sounded before she appeared next to them, a small smile gracing her features. She looked at Darren. “Hi I’m Ashlyn.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Darren smiled at her.

“Are you guys hungry?” Ashlyn asked. “The food’s ready.”

At the end of the night, Ali had come to the conclusion that Darren did indeed seem like a nice guy. He was funny and it was obvious that Kyle really liked him so she was willing to give him a chance. 

As soon as they were alone, Ashlyn turned to Ali and wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her close. “And?”

“And what?”

“What’d you think?” Ashlyn asked softly, beginning a slow trail of kisses along her Ali’s neck. 

“He’s okay.” Ali whispered, distracted by the feeling of Ashlyn’s lips that were now nibbling on her earlobe. She shuddered and pulled back, smiling when Ashlyn pouted cutely in disappointment. As she stared into her slightly dazed hazel eyes, she smirked and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You drank too much.”

“Not true.” Ashlyn protested, trying to kiss her.

Ali gently pushed her away. “Ash.”

“Maybe a little tipsy.” Ashlyn finally admitted before she successfully crashed their lips together. Ali groaned into the contact, tangling her fingers into Ashlyn’s hair and kissing her back. She didn’t even realize that Ashlyn was guiding them backwards until she bumped into the table. 

“Baby.” Ali whispered shakily, craning her neck to give Ashlyn more access. A moan escaped her lips when Ashlyn shoved her thigh between her legs, applying enough pressure to drive her insane. “Shouldn’t we clean up?”

“Later.” Ashlyn mumbled, placing her hands on Ali’s thighs. She lifted the shorter woman up who instinctively wrapped her legs around her waist in response, her squeak of surprise muffled as Ashlyn brought their lips together in another kiss. 

“I love you.” Ashlyn whispered against Ali’s lips after she had gently put her down on the bed and was now settled on top of her. Ali wrapped her arms around Ashlyn’s shoulders, pulling her closer as the kiss grew in intensity. They were both running out of breath but neither wanted to pull away. She ran her hands up and down Ashlyn’s sides before slipping them underneath her t-shirt, lightly scratching her skin. 

“I love you.” Ashlyn said again. She was breathing heavily as she hovered over Ali, their faces only inches apart. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her cheeks flushed, as she pressed her body closer to Ali’s. “I love you so much.”

Ali smiled softly, bringing her hand up to Ashlyn’s face to gently stroke her cheek. She brushed her thumb over Ashlyn’s bottom lip before kissing her softly, wrapping her legs around her waist and lightly pressing down on her lower back to urge her on. 

\-----

“Jesus.” Ali fell back on her pillow, sweaty and spent.

“I know.” Ashlyn agreed smugly as she draped her body over Ali’s, intertwining their legs. She crossed her arms just below Ali’s breasts, resting her chin on them and looking up at Ali with a sweet smile. Her eyes were more open and clearer than before and Ali knew that the alcohol from before had worn off.

Ali brushed Ashlyn’s hair over one shoulder as Ashlyn continued to stare at her. “What?”

“I mean it when I say it.” Ashlyn said softly. “I really do love you.”

“Ash…” Ali murmured, already sensing where this was going.

“Why can’t you tell me you love me too?”

Ali felt her heart ache at how sad Ashlyn’s voice sounded. She brushed her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair, wishing she had the words to explain herself better. “We already talked about this. You know how I feel about you.”

“But why? Why can’t you just say it? Is it because you don’t know what real love actually is?”

Ali didn’t know how to respond to that. “You said you’d be patient.”

“I’ve been nothing but patient, Ali.” Ashlyn huffed and slid her body upwards so that she was lying next to Ali. She stared at the ceiling, trying to keep herself from getting too upset. She didn’t want to guilt trip Ali into anything but every time Ali didn’t return the sentiment, she couldn’t help but feel rejected. “How am I supposed to just know? Clearly there’s something holding you back and don’t give me that whole actions speak louder than words crap because I’m tired of it. Maybe you think you love me but you don’t and that’s why you can’t say it.”

“Ashlyn that’s not-”

“If you don’t love me then just tell me. I can’t force you to love me. But if that’s the case then please stop making me wait for something that will never happen.”

Ali swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to form words but nothing came out, her mouth moving soundlessly. 

“It shouldn’t be so hard.” Ashlyn mumbled. “I just want to know if we’re on the same page.”

Ali tugged her quivering bottom lip between her teeth. There were so many thoughts going through her mind that she couldn't keep track of them. She wanted to speak, pour out her heart, but no words seemed right and she was so, so scared. 

Ashlyn took her silence as another rejection. She rolled over so that she was facing the wall, pulling the sheets up to her chin, wanting to disappear.

“I feel like an idiot.”

Ali rolled onto her side too but didn’t dare touch Ashlyn. She stared at her back. “I’m sorry.”

She was apologizing because she wished she wasn’t such a coward. She wished she wouldn’t let her fears control her life so much. She wished she was brave enough to tell Ashlyn that she was scared to tell her she loved her because as soon as she did, all control would be out of her hands. As soon as she did, Ashlyn would be able to break her heart into tiny pieces and she didn’t think she would ever recover from that.

But Ashlyn didn’t know any of that. “I think I should go.”

Ali felt her heart stop with one breath and start pounding with the next.

“Please don’t.” Ali whispered, hating how desperate she sounded. She wrapped her arms around Ashlyn, hoping that if she held on tight enough, Ashlyn wouldn’t leave. “I’m so sorry.”

Ashlyn didn’t say anything. 

She didn’t move, either.

\----

Ashlyn avoided Ali at work the following day and Ali couldn’t blame her.

When they ran into each other in the bathroom, the tension between them was insufferable, and it nearly killed Ashlyn because even though she was hurt, she wasn’t really angry with Ali. She was sad, mostly, and she felt stupid for thinking that maybe something would be different; that Ali would have changed her mind, somehow.

Ali hoped that they could talk but Ashlyn didn’t even look at her as she washed her hands, and when she turned to leave, Ali couldn’t stand it anymore. 

“Ash, wait.”

Ashlyn stopped, her back straightening into a rigid line as she tensed visibly. 

“Can we please talk?”

Ashlyn turned to her and her eyes were narrowed in a distrustful look that Ali recognized easily. “I just need some space, Ali. Please understand.”

Ali saw it on her face, the hurt, the defeat, and she didn’t understand how things had gone downhill so rapidly - how she had let them gone downhill so rapidly. “So this is it then? You’re throwing away our relationship just like that?”

She regretted her words as soon as she saw the look on Ashlyn’s face. 

“Are you fucking serious?” She spat out, and Ali’s eyes widened slightly at her outburst. She took a deep breath, knowing that if she blew up at Ali she would probably say something she’d end up regretting. “Look, I know that this is hard for you. I knew that from the start, but I didn’t think you would ever lead me on like that. You can’t expect me to believe that you love me if you can’t even say it.”

Guilt flickered in Ali’s eyes. “I know I messed up but I never led you on.” 

“Why is it so hard to be open with me? Do you still not trust me?”

“It’s complicated.”

Ashlyn huffed, pushing her way past Ali. “Whatever. See you around.”

Ali didn’t say anything to stop her, and she wasn’t surprised.

\----

Kyle picked her up from work later that afternoon to have dinner together. Ali was finishing up some paperwork so she told him to come up to her office. By the time they finally left, it was getting pretty late, but when they walked past Ashlyn’s office, Ali wasn’t surprised to see that she was still there, hunched over her desk, her shoulders strained with an invisible burden.

To Ali it almost seemed like she was avoiding going home.

“Why’s Ash still here?” Kyle asked when he caught her staring, and she almost didn’t want to answer him.

“Working late I guess.”

“We should ask her to join us.”

Ali shook her head. Knowing Kyle, he would ask questions, and knowing her, she would probably give in and embarrass herself by crying.

“She looks sad.” Kyle commented after careful observation. “Seriously, we should ask her.”

Ali rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, basically dragging him to the door. “Trust me, that’s not a good idea.”

Kyle tilted his head curiously. “Tell me everything right now.”

Of course Ali caved and told him everything as soon as they were seated at their table in the restaurant. They hadn’t even ordered yet before Kyle started bombarding her with questions and Ali, being emotionally drained, tiredly relayed everything to him. 

“I know I’m not a relationship expert myself and not exactly a shining example of the perfect boyfriend…” Kyle began, looking at her calmly with kind eyes. “And I know you're scared but you've come all this way for a reason. If you don't try to talk to Ashlyn and let her know how you’re feeling, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.”

Ali rubbed her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. “What do you suggest I do?”

Kyle looked at her for a long time, and when he finally answered, his words made her chest hurt. “To me it seems like Ashlyn just needs someone to stick around. Just like you. I don’t think you’re all that different, Alex.”

\-----

Ali wanted to take Kyle’s words to heart, but whenever she thought she had brought up enough courage to approach Ashlyn, she always chickened out at the last moment. Ashlyn hadn’t made any attempt to talk to her, either, which wasn’t very encouraging. But then again, could she really blame Ashlyn for staying away from her as far as humanly possible? Ashlyn had the right to be mad. Ali had done nothing but send her mixed signals. 

“Will I see you at the bar later?” Her uncle asked her as she was about to leave the office that Friday. “Some of the guys are meeting up there.”

She shrugged, not remotely interested in even the idea of socializing. Her night would most likely consist of a date with ice-cream and wine and trying to think of anything other than Ashlyn Harris. “I don’t know.”

Luckily, he didn’t ask any more questions, and Ali quickly fled the building. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stand the sad sight of Ashlyn hunched over her desk one more time, knowing that she’d probably leave ridiculously late again. Ali couldn’t help but wonder if she would be going to the bar, maybe hook up with someone else, or maybe she already had. 

The thought made her stomach churn. 

\-----

"Ali?" It took her a moment to pull her way out of sleep far enough that she could figure out who she was talking to. 

"Uncle Ted?" She asked. 

She looked at the clock. 3:45. Weren't you supposed to make a wish when the numbers were all in order like that? AM or PM? It was dark. Had to be AM. Why was her uncle calling before four in the morning? Something had to be wrong. 

"What's wrong?" She asked as soon as the thought came into her mind. 

"I'm at the hospital.” He sounded wide awake. And very serious. Of course he was serious, it was four in the morning and he was calling from the hospital. She shook her head as if it would make her thoughts less sluggish. "I think you need to come down here." 

"Who is it?" She asked, jumping out of bed and searching for clothes in the darkness. "Is it Kyle?" 

“No.”

"Who is it, Ted? Allie?" She demanded, stepping into the pair of jeans she'd worn the day before. A thought suddenly hit her, and she froze. “Is it… is it Ashlyn?”

He was silent for a moment longer. She thought at first he might have lost the connection but then he spoke softly. "I'll explain everything when you get here." 

She hung up the phone wordlessly. And she knew. It wasn't anyone in the family. Her family at least was safe. But if it wasn't anyone in her family and Ted was calling her in the middle of the night it could only be one person. 

When she arrived at the hospital the first familiar face she saw was Chis's. One look at him erased any lingering doubts she might have had. It was definitely Ashlyn. Her stomach flipped and she was sure she was going to vomit.

Please no.

"Ali!" He said, rushing towards her and throwing his arms around her. 

She could hear the tears catching in his breath. He clung to her, crushing her so tightly it hurt, but she let him. Clearly he needed this. It was bad, she thought to herself. Chris didn't act like this; Chris was always there with a sly smile and a sarcastic grin. She couldn't recall ever seeing him this broken. If Chris was near tears that meant it was serious. 

"Where is she?" She asked softly when she finally managed to pull back, too shocked to cry, too shocked to do just about anything. 

"She's still in surgery.” Chris explained. So at least she was alive. Ali was relieved enough to draw in a deep breath - how long had she been holding her breath? 

Ted was standing beside her all of a sudden, though she had no idea when he'd approached.

"What happened?" She asked, looking between the two men. 

Chris seemed to make an attempt to answer her but couldn't manage. 

Ted spoke up. "Ashlyn was found down by the docks about an hour ago. Gunshot wound to the head." 

To the head. Ali’s legs quivered beneath her. This wasn’t really happening. She had to still be asleep.

"But she's alive?" 

Ted nodded. "The bullet didn't actually penetrate the skull. She got lucky. But her skull is fractured and there's a lot of bleeding and swelling. They're in there now to try and relieve some of the pressure." 

"Is she going to make it?" She asked, feeling a lump start to build in her throat as her shock began to wear off. She looked between Ted and Chris fearfully, a sense of dread weighing heavily on her chest. “Please tell me she’s going to make it.”

"It's too soon to tell.” Chris replied, looking at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but at her. He was trying desperately not to let the tears out. 

"Do we know who did it?" She asked, not sure why it mattered right now, but for some reason it seemed important. An uneasy look passed between Ted and Chris. "What?" 

Ted put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly. Clearly he was worried about her reaction to whatever he had to tell her. "Honey," He said, "it appears to be self inflicted." 

For a moment she swayed, as though she were going to faint, and both Ted and Chris reached to catch her. "Ali?" Ted called. "You okay?" 

"Of course I’m not okay." She said more sharply than she meant to. "Let's just worry about Ash, okay?" 

Ted guided her over to a chair in the waiting area and Chris sat down beside her. 

"I have to make some phone calls. They'll let us know as soon as they know anything." 

Ali nodded mutely. 

After Ted walked away, Chris spoke softly. “I can’t believe she’d do this.”

Me neither, Ali thought to herself. She was convinced that this was a mistake. There was no way that Ashlyn would do this. It didn’t make any sense to her. But, she had been so distant from her lately… could she really know? 

Ali let her tears fall.

There had to be a different explanation.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"I just…" Chris said after a long silence, struggling to speak without crying. "It sounds crazy with everything she's been through, but she always seemed so invincible somehow. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to lose her…" 

Ali placed her hand on his shoulder. It was the only comfort she could provide. She wanted so badly to tell him he wouldn't lose his sister, that Ashlyn was going to be okay, but she couldn't. Chris knew the medical details better than she did… if he was this worried there was reason to be. 

Finally, she asked, "Chris, where's your mother?" 

"I don’t know.” He said. "I haven't called her. I didn't want to wake her up, I…" He took a deep breath, trying to maintain some semblance of composure. “I don’t know if Ashlyn would want me to call her.”

“I think she would.” Ali said softly.

"I know.” Chris said, squeezing his eyes shut. "But to call her I have to say it and I just don't think I can. I wanted to wait until we knew something. Until Ash was out of surgery… I don't know how to tell her this." 

"Do you want me to call her?" Ali offered, surprised at how calm she was able to keep her voice. She was anything but calm on the inside. She felt desperate, scared, and worried all at once, and, if there was a way to describe that feeling of being completely jumbled, mentally, she’d happily use the word.

“No.” Chris sighed. “She should hear it from me." 

“Okay.” Ali paused, and then said, “This is all my fault."

Chris looked at Ali and shook his head. "Ali, don't say that." 

"But it's true, Chris." Ali insisted, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. "Why aren’t you mad at me? You said it so many times… warned me about hurting her… you were right all along. If you'd know how I treated her over the last couple of weeks..." 

"Ashlyn’s had problems long before the last couple weeks." Chris assured her, and Ali found some comfort in the kindness of his voice. “She’s been messed up for a while now." 

"And part of that's been because of me too.” Ali replied. “She’s been acting so distant and I knew that there was something up but I just couldn’t figure out what. I should’ve tried harder to get her to open up. 

“She’s stubborn as hell, Ali. And before that there was Dad and Lara." 

"So it's not all my fault.” Ali conceded. “But I have a damn big share in it. I should have known that something bad would happen. I should’ve know that that Ash was in a dark place. I should’ve known that she…” Ali caught herself before she finished the sentence. She couldn’t say it out loud because she still didn’t believe it.

"You should have known?" Chris said with a hint of a bitter laugh. "Ali, I'm her brother. Not to challenge the importance of your role in her life but I've known her a lot longer than you have. If anyone should have known it's me. In a way I did... I knew she was losing it I just never thought..." 

Ali looked at him, and in that moment she became convinced that he didn’t truly believe it, either.

She bit her lip in hesitation and then softly said, “Chris…”

Chris took her hands in his and looked seriously into her eyes. "Let's not do this," He said, "Let's just concentrate on getting her through this. Once she's okay, we can talk about..." He stopped suddenly as the doctor approached them. 

Ali stood up immediately. "How is she?" She asked as Chris rose as well. 

"She made it through surgery.” The doctor said, her voice neutral and clinical. "We have successfully relieved the pressure that was building up due to the swelling and at this point we think most of the hemorrhaging has stopped." 

"Think?" Chris asked softly as Ted joined them silently. He looked at the doctor who he had known personally for so long and practically pleaded her with his eyes to tell him some good news. “Dr. Jones please tell me...”

"As soon as she's stable we'll do a CT scan." She explained, her voice kind and sympathetic now. “Then we'll have a much better idea of how much, if any, damage we're looking at." 

"Can I see her?" Ali asked impatiently. The information that the doctor had given them barely registered in her mind. She couldn’t see past her blinding need to see Ashlyn, touch her, kiss her, and maybe momentarily pretend that none of this was happening.

Dr. Jones shook her head. "Not yet. I'll let you know when." 

"Thank you.” Ted said as she turned and walked back into the OR. 

Chris sighed. "Well I guess I'd better call Mom." 

“Will you be okay?” Ali asked.

"Yeah." He said, taking a deep breath. "I'll do it. I think I'm ready." 

Ali squeezed his hand and gave him as much of a smile as she could muster as he separated from her to make the phone call away from the sensitive medical equipment. As Ali watched him walk away, she heard someone call her name, and turned to see Kyle approaching her. 

“Alex, I’m so sorry.” She let him draw her into a tight hug as he asked, "How are you holding up?" 

"I don’t know." She said weakly, starting to get slightly annoyed that people seemed just as concerned over her ability to handle this as they were over Ashlyn. She didn’t matter right now. She didn’t deserve any sympathy. "What are you doing here?" 

"Uncle Ted called me.” Kyle explained. "I guess he figured you could use some company." 

She nodded. "Thanks for coming. Chris just went to make some calls. He… he's not taking it well." 

"And how about you?" Kyle asked, leading her back to the couch in the waiting area. 

"I don't know, Kyle." She said again, shaking her head and looking at her knees. She knew that if she allowed herself to cry, to really cry, she wouldn’t be able to stop. "Is there a right way for me to be taking this? We had a fight because I was being an idiot. Now she’s in the hospital because.. Because…” She swallowed. “And she might still die - she's not out of the woods yet. And it's my fault, Kyle. I didn't want this to happen. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I never wanted to lose her.”

She whispered the last words, as if saying it out loud would make it more of a reality. 

"Hey," Kyle said, pulling her into another hug. “You can't blame yourself for this." 

"I can't not blame myself for this either, Kyle." She whispered as the first tears broke free and rolled down her cheeks. “I should’ve been there for her and I wasn’t. I was too selfish too see past my own issues and it cost us.”

“Alex…” Kyle said, taking her by the shoulders and forcing her to look into his eyes. "It’s not your fault, okay? You can’t play the blame game. It won’t do you any good and Ashlyn needs you right now." 

He hugged her tightly again, letting her cry on his shoulder until she was able to regain some degree of composure. "Thanks for being here." She said, wiping her eyes. “It means a lot."

“Of course.”

Ali gave him a small smile before Chris rejoined them. "Is your mom coming?”

Chris looked at her solemnly. “I got her voicemail. I left a message.”

Ted rejoined them as well, sitting down in a chair across from them. "Ali.” He said. "I made sure your shift is covered for you so if you want to stay here or you want to go home and rest you don't have to worry about work." 

"Thanks.” Ali mumbled, her head still resting against Kyle’s shoulder. Maybe if she closed her eyes, she’d fall asleep and she’d wake up in her bed, and all if this never happened.

Ted continued. "I just talked to Dr. Jones. She said that they're moving Ashlyn to a room now. You should be able to see her soon." 

"Good.” Chris said. "You know I didn't even ask, Dr. Jones is an administrator now, how did she wind up on the surgical team?" 

Ted shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't ask either. She just seemed to think it was an important case and she wanted to be there." 

"Well, I'm glad she was." Chris said softly. 

\----

_She was cold. It seemed strange; weren't you supposed to see this warm glowing light at the end of the tunnel? For that matter, where was the tunnel anyway? Unless she was headed the other direction, but then it should be really hot. What temperature was Hell?_

_It occurred to her that maybe she wasn't dead. Now that was really strange. But it seemed to be the only possibility because she was fairly certain that she was in a room. There were people here, voices. She didn't recognize any of them. She couldn't even understand what they were saying._

_At any rate, they didn't seem to be talking to her. She tried to open her eyes and managed to get them cracked open just enough to see a bright light above her. She was fairly certain that one was electronic rather than divine though._

_She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. This was going to get old very fast._

\----

"Uncle Ted." Ali said suddenly. "Ashlyn was carrying her gun off duty?" 

Ted shook his head. "The one she used wasn't department issued. We aren't sure where she got it." 

They were silent for a moment before Ali spoke again. "So she… she fired against the side of her head?"

"Yeah." Ted said, hoping she wouldn’t ask him to elaborate further. She'd see Ashlyn’s injuries soon enough but he didn't think she needed to hear too many details about them for now. 

"I don't…” Ali paused, it was hard to talk about Ashlyn in this way. “I don’t get it. If you really want to kill yourself, isn't it more effective to fire into your mouth?" 

She stared hard at nothing, like she was trying to figure something out. Everyone seemed unsettled by the question but Chris answered. "You'd have a much harder time surviving that. So thank God Ash didn't…" He trailed off, unable to complete the sentence and not wanting to dwell on the thought. 

"Yeah.” Ali said thoughtfully before turning back to Ted. "Ashlyn's a good shot, right?" 

"One of the best I've seen." He replied. 

"And she has experience firing a gun.” Ali said as much to herself as to anyone else. "I mean, even with a gun she wasn't used to she would know how it pulls and everything like that." 

"Yeah." Ted narrowed his eyes. 

"What are you getting at, Alex?" Kyle asked.

Ali looked around at the others. "Well it's just… Not that I'm complaining, but if Ashlyn wanted to shoot herself, why isn't she dead?"

"She was impaired at the time.” Ted said. Then, catching Ali's inquisitive look, he explained. “Her blood alcohol level was extremely high and the toxicology report also showed high doses of a painkiller in her system. She probably wasn't even able to hold the gun steady, much less fire with accuracy." 

“Yeah, plus the human skull is a lot harder to penetrate than you'd think." Chris added. "For once my sister's thick skull came in handy." 

Ali nodded as she processed this information. "Wait a minute. You said painkillers? Where did she get painkillers?" 

"From me.” Chris said softly, his face paling. "She complained to me about having migraines. She said she didn't want them but I insisted. But that was months ago. I didn’t even know she still had them. God I'm an idiot. I should have..." 

"Hey," Ali swatted him on the upper arm. "If I don't get to blame myself neither do you." 

"I don't think assigning blame is very helpful in cases like this anyway.” Ted interjected. He looked as if he was about to say something else but his phone rang and he excused himself to take the call. 

"Chris..." Ali said, watching Ted walk away. "Does this make sense to you?" 

Chris looked at her for a moment, as if she'd grown another head. "My sister just tried to kill herself, Ali, I don't expect anything to make sense right now." 

"That's just it. I don't think..." She stopped herself when she saw Dr. Jones approach and held her breath, hoping that the doctor wasn't bringing bad news. 

But she smiled, and looked at Chris. "You can see her now." 

"Thank you.” Chris replied, letting out a deep sigh. Apparently he'd been holding his breath as well. 

The doctor turned a sympathetic gaze to Ali and added, "Immediate family only at the moment. But you should be able to see her before too long." 

Ali felt her heart beginning to pound all over again. Nothing in this situation made sense and she had gotten to the point of no longer knowing what to think, but the only thing she did know was that she couldn’t go a moment longer without seeing Ashlyn.

“It’s okay, Ali.” Chris said, as if he had read her mind. “You can see her right after me.”

“But…” The doctor tried to interrupt, but Chris shook his head.

“She is Ashlyn’s family too.” 

Ali wanted to cry again, but for an entirely different reason this time. 

Chris stood and followed Dr. Jones around the corner. 

"I know exactly what you’re thinking, Alex." Kyle said when he figured Chris was out of earshot.

"Kyle, it just doesn't add up."

"It's a natural reaction.” 

"What?" Ali asked, shaking her head, not understanding his response. 

"When someone you love takes their life, or tries to, I think it's a natural reaction to deny that it happened." He said, almost like he was speaking to a child. "I understand why you don’t want this to be real. And one of the easiest ways to act as if it didn’t is to come up with some kind of conspiracy story.” 

Ali stared at her brother in shock. "I can't believe I'm hearing this from you, of all people.”

“I'm saying this as someone who gets it!” Kyle countered. “People who suffer from depression are often very good at hiding it. How well do you actually know her, Alex?”

“I sure as hell know her better than you do!” Ali yelled.

"Okay, keep it down. We're in a hospital." Kyle said, catching the dirty looks the nurse was giving them. "I know that depression doesn’t just creep in over night but sometimes people are triggered by something. You have to admit she's been exhibiting some unhealthy, self destructive behavior lately, basically isolating herself from everyone." 

"Who hasn't?" Ali spat back. “But that's a long way from killing yourself." 

Kyle sighed, knowing that there was no point in arguing. "I just think it’s a possibility you need to consider." 

“Do you really think I haven’t?” Ali asked angrily. She crossed her arms over her chest and sank further into her seat, done with the conversation. Of course she had considered the possibility that Ashlyn had really done this… that she had really tried to end her life… but if that were true, Ali didn’t think she’d ever be able to look herself in the eyes again.

\----

_She’d finally given up and just let herself drift; that seemed to be the only thing she was capable of anyway. But suddenly something very distant roused her consciousness slightly._

_She recognized this voice._

_Chris was here._

_‘Here’ didn't feel like the right word to use, because Chris seemed so far away, but somehow she knew that he was actually close. Close enough to touch. Not that she was capable of touching anyone._

_Chris was mad. What had she done to piss him off now? She tried to think. Maybe it was just old stuff; maybe Chris was holding grudges. Maybe Chris was just as frustrated as she was over her present condition. Medical knowledge was only so helpful when it was a family member in that bed, hooked up to all those machines._

Chris had never expected to see Ashlyn this way. He had every reason to expect it; Ashlyn had been in many dangerous situations, she'd been injured countless of times, but as he entered the room and saw her lying there, he realized how totally unprepared he was for this. 

He sat down in the chair beside the bed for a moment before jumping up and pacing a little.

"What the hell were you thinking, Ashlyn?" He finally asked. He turned and looked at his sister as if she was capable of responding. "I mean, you've done some dumb things in the past but this…" 

Another look at Ashlyn, at that bandage, at the monitors, softened his attitude. 

"I called Mom but I don't know if she's coming.” He said. "Ali’s just outside. Yeah, that's right, Ali's here too. Waiting on your sorry ass to wake up so you guys can finally talk and figure your crap out. So you better wake up, okay? For her... she doesn't deserve to have to go through this." 

\-----

"Okay.” Kyle began calmly. "So you're thinking this is a set up. Why?" 

"For starters,” Ali looked at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was actually willing to listen this time, and then continued. “I don't care how impaired you are, your own head is a pretty hard target to miss, especially for someone experienced with a gun." 

"That much makes sense.” He nodded. 

"And then there's the part about her being impaired in the first place. I mean, drunk I can believe, but the painkillers?" 

"Haven't you ever wanted to feel numb?" 

"All the time, but we're not talking about me. This is Ashlyn. It just doesn't seem like her to me. And why was she down by the docks? That seems strange." 

"I guess she wanted to be alone.” Kyle shrugged, though Ali could see the hesitation starting to creep into his features.

“How did she get there if she was that impaired?" Ali asked. “We're not talking about a normal human being, we're talking about Ashlyn. I'm telling you she'd never drive drunk and put other people’s lives in danger. It's something she feels very strongly about." 

Kyle gave her a sideways glance, his tone hardly convincing anymore. “Maybe she got drunk there." 

"Was there evidence of that at the scene?" Ali asked. "Empty bottles or anything like that?" 

"Well, I obviously don't know." 

"I need to find out.” Ali murmured to herself. 

“You can talk to Uncle Ted about this. Maybe it’s better if you don’t get involved."

Ali gaped at him. "What?”

“You’re too emotionally attached, Alex.” Kyle explained, trying to make her understand that he was just trying to protect her. “Your love for Ashlyn might get in the way of your objectivity. Let Uncle Ted handle it, okay? You know he will do a good job so trust him.”

She was about to protest further when she saw Chris approaching.

“Chris, how is she?" She quickly stood up.

"Comatose." Chris muttered dryly, but Ali could tell that he had been crying. He was about to continue when he saw a doctor pass by, “Dr. Spencer!”

The man stopped immediately and turned, flashing Chris a small smile. “How can I help you?”

“I heard you were one of the surgeons who worked on my sister. Can you tell us more?”

Dr. Spencer sighed, letting his smile transform into a look of sympathy. "Well as you saw, she's stable, but her condition is still very precarious. It's too soon for us to really know the full extent of the damage." 

"Can I see her now?" Ali asked anxiously. 

He nodded. "Come with me." 

"Thank you." Ali said with a breath of relief as she started to move towards Ashlyn’s room. 

Chris stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Before you go in you need to prepare yourself." 

"For what?" She frowned, her palms clammy with cold sweat.

"My sister's not her usual good looking self.” He said with a hint of a forced smile. "There's a lot of bandages and some of them are pretty bloody, but it's not as bad as they look, okay?" 

"Okay.” Ali nodded. She knew she had to stay strong, but her resolve was quaking by the second. How was she supposed to handle seeing Ashlyn like that? The last time she saw her was at work… she had been hunched over her desk just like the previous days… not looking up… and Ali had once again ignored her urge to go talk to her. Oh how she wished she could go back and change that.

"And there's a lot of machines and a lot of wires and… it's not easy seeing someone you love that way." Chris continued.

Ali bit her lower lip. "I do love her." She said with a slight crack to her voice. “And I didn’t tell her because I kept thinking of how much worse it’d hurt if I lost her and now…”

“It’s okay, Ali.” Chris tried to comfort her.

“But it’s not because now I could lose her for real.”

"You're not going to.” Chris assured her. “And hey, if anyone can give her something to live for it's you." 

Ali smiled a bit, dabbing the corners of her eyes. "Thanks Chris."

\----

_She must be dreaming. That was the only explanation. Because Ali was here and she was talking to her. Ali was here and she actually wanted to talk to her. There was no way that could be possible. They hadn’t talked in days._

_But she couldn't help losing herself in the dream a little bit. Ali was here and she still cared. There was something Ashlyn had to tell her. Something important. But she just couldn't convince her mouth to move._

Ali was grateful for Chris's warning, even if nothing was quite adequate to prepare her for seeing Ashlyn this way. 

Some of the hair had been shaved from the right side of her head to give the doctors greater visibility and reduce the risk of infection, and her head was wrapped in heavy gauze which was stained on the right with purplish red. She looked pale - almost grey. Wires and I.V.'s ran from her body to monitors and bags of liquid. 

As horrific as it was to see Ashlyn like this, part of Ali’s heart leaped at her first visual confirmation that she was alive. She sat down beside her and tightly grasped her hand, lifting it to her lips and gently kissing her palm.

"Hey Ash." She said tenderly, staring at the slow rise and fall of Ashlyn’s chest, finding comfort in the sight. “However you got yourself into this mess, you are lucky you're in this hospital bed 'cause I could kick your ass for scaring us all like this. But the game's over now so it's time to come back to us."

She thought for a moment that Ashlyn’s fingers squeezed hers back, but told herself it was probably an involuntary muscle spasm. Nothing to get too excited about. 

"Baby, you have to get through this." She whispered through her tears that were quickly beginning to fall. "When I was in a pit, you kept me going. You were the one that called me out of the darkness. I know I messed up… I was being an idiot and I’m sorry but I know that our connection is still there and I'd really appreciate it if you came back to us right now. Come back to me because…” She took a deep breath. “I love you, Ash. I love you so much… I should’ve told you that before. I was just so scared because I feel so much for you it makes my chest ache.”

Maybe it was her imagination, maybe she was just seeing what she wanted to see, but she swore she felt Ashlyn’s hand move. Maybe it was just a muscle spasm again, but she didn’t think so.

“Ash?” She called, squeezing her hand. "Ash, are you awake? Did you just-" 

But the next moment there was a sound - a high pitched whine in her left ear from one of the monitors, and Ashlyn’s body went rigid for a second before she began convulsing. 

"Ash?" Ali called again with growing urgency as hospital staff rushed into the room and started shouting commands at each other that she couldn't understand. 

"Ashlyn!" Ali screamed as someone pushed her backwards out of the room. She thought she said Ashlyn’s name at least once more as someone caught her from behind and prevented her from rushing back into the room as she watched the doctors working frantically on Ashlyn.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Ali struggled against the hands that held her, calling Ashlyn's name. A voice in her ear said, "Ali, you're just going to be in the way in there." 

She turned her head and realized that the person holding her was Chris. She relaxed slightly - she could trust Chris; he wanted Ashlyn to get better as much as she did. And he understood what was going on better than she did. If he could be calm… 

"Chris, what's happening?" She asked, panic still evident in her voice. 

He didn't answer and she realized that what she'd interpreted as calm a moment ago was only an exterior masking fear and concern. She turned back and watched the doctors working, murmuring a prayer that they could save Ashlyn. Finally, the high pitched whine in the room changed into a steady beeping and she felt Chris relax behind her as he let out a breath. 

That must mean good news. 

She turned to face him. "What happened?" She demanded. 

"Her heart stopped," Chris said, without taking his eyes off his sister. "But they restarted it." 

"I don't understand.” She replied, trying not to cry. "You said she was stable. She squeezed my hand..." 

Chris looked past her to a doctor who was coming out of the room. "Doctor," He said, "What happened?" 

The doctor shook his head. "She arrested. Not sure why but she appears to have stabilized again. We're gonna run a CT - check for bleeds, run some labs. I'll let you know as soon as we know anything." 

"Can I go back in?" Ali asked. 

He shook his head. "No more visitors for now. Sorry." 

As she watched him walk away in dismay, Chris tugged her by the arm back to the waiting area. 

His mother had apparently just arrived and was talking rapidly to Kyle. When she saw Chris, however, she ran over and threw her arms around him. "Oh my God, Christopher!" 

Chris hugged her back tightly, his eyes closing for a long moment. 

"How is she?" Mrs. Harris asked as they finally separated. Chris hesitated and she tensed, recognizing something in his face. "What happened?" 

"She's okay." Chris said to calm her before explaining. “Her heart stopped but they were able to revive her." 

"My God!" Mrs. Harris whispered, putting her hand over her own heart as Ali sat down in one of the chairs.

"It doesn't make any sense." Ali insisted, her voice cracking. "I swear she squeezed my hand. She knew I was there." 

"Head injuries are tricky." Chris said as he and his mother sat down beside her. "Sometimes they're hard to predict." 

“I’m sorry but who are you?” Mrs. Harris asked, and Ali tensed. She didn’t know how to introduce herself because she didn’t know what she was to Ashlyn anymore. Chris must’ve sensed what she was thinking, because he spoke for her.

“Mom, this is Ali. She’s very important to Ashlyn.” 

Mrs. Harris accepted the explanation and gave her a small smile. Ali didn’t know what to think. From what Ashlyn had told her, her relationship with her mother was strained to say the least. Yet here she was, and Ali could see that she was genuinely worried.

She supposed it didn’t matter for now.

“What did you say to her?” Chris asked curiously.

Ali sighed, slightly embarrassed. "It… I had just told her that I loved her and..." 

To everyone's shock and bewilderment, Chris snorted as though holding back a laugh.

"Chris!" His mother reproached him. 

"What?" Ali asked, confused. 

"Never mind." Chris said, shaking his head but still fighting a laugh. Noticing everyone's continued looks of curiosity he added, "It's really inappropriate." 

"Well you can't just leave it at that." Ali pressed. "What is it?" 

Chris shook his head again. 

"Come on, Chris." Kyle piped up. "I think we could all use a laugh right now, appropriate or not." 

"It's just..." Chris had to take a deep breath to speak through his laughter. He looked at Ali and said, "I mean the two of you are just… Everyone knows how you feel about each other, right? With the possible exception of the two of you. And the last couple of weeks, you know, she's just been giving you those tortured looks from across the room and trying to give you your space and all I've been thinking is 'Damn, Ash, would it kill you to just talk to the girl and tell her how you feel?'" 

Mrs. Harris smiled and Kyle laughed out loud. 

Through the tears in her eyes, even Ali laughed softly. "I guess it just about did.” She said. 

She looked up, seeing the doctor who had run the code on Ashlyn approach with a grim expression on his face. Chris noticed him too and straightened up. 

"Hey Chris, can I see you for a second?" The doctor asked. 

"Yeah." Chris said, standing up and following him a short distance away. Ali watched Chris closely, trying to figure out what the doctor was telling him, but Kyle distracted her.

“Hey, you up for that coffee break yet?”

Grasping his meaning immediately, Ali stood and said, "Yeah, I better. Otherwise I'm gonna go into caffeine withdrawal and it won't be pleasant for the rest of you." 

"Can I get anything for you Mrs. Harris?" Kyle offered. 

"I'm fine, thanks.” She said.

When they were a safe distance away, Kyle asked, "Okay, so you've told me why you're suspicious, but do you have any suspects?"

"Suspects?" 

"Well if your idea is that she didn't try to kill herself then that means someone tried to kill her and make it look like a suicide. So who?" 

"I don't know.” Ali said. "I mean, she's a cop. She's made a lot of enemies." 

Kyle nodded. He wasn't going to be able to talk Ali out of this completely, but if he could keep her here and talking he could perhaps keep her from doing anything reckless at the very least. "But who would do this? It's one thing to try to kill someone, but trying to make it look like a suicide is different. It makes it a little more personal, doesn't it?" 

"Well, maybe they were just trying to cover their tracks.” She suggested. “What better way to avoid getting caught yourself than for the police to think there hasn't even been a murder?"

"And with the way Ashlyn’s been acting lately, people would believe it." Kyle added. 

"But that means whoever it is knows enough about what's going on in her life to know that." Ali said, already trying to run through possibilities in her mind. 

"It still seems to me like someone went through a lot of trouble.” Kyle sighed, thinking through the few facts he knew about the case. "If they were just trying to cover their tracks there had to be easier ways to do it. Ways that would be quicker which would have minimized their chances of getting caught. I mean, she was right by the river… why didn't they just dump her in it? It could have been weeks before anyone found her." 

The image of Ashlyn’s decomposing body being dragged out of the river hit Ali with a sudden wave of nausea. She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Alex?" Kyle asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

"I'm okay.” She let out a shuddering breath. "It's just thinking about Ash…" 

"Sorry.” He mumbled guiltily. "I should’ve been more thoughtful." 

"You make a good point though." She said, quickly regaining her composure. “Someone went through a lot of trouble to do this. We need to figure this out… We need to do some research. Find out how she got down to the docks, if anyone saw her there, if there was evidence that she was drinking there..." 

Rummaging in her coat pocket, she found a pen and an old gas receipt which she started scribbling notes on. She made a list of the aspects of the case which didn't make sense and then another of information she needed to gather. Peering over her shoulder, Kyle said, "You should really talk to Uncle Ted about this." 

"I will.” She said, still writing. 

"You should talk to him soon.” Kyle told her. "He can tell you the rest of the story and you can tell him what you're thinking before… you know in case they need to look for something." 

"Maybe you're right.” Ali said. "Do you know where he is?"

Kyle pointed down the hallway. "He went that way last I saw." 

Ali nodded. Kyle followed her down the hall before they found Ted talking closely to Dr. Jones in a low voice. They separated seeing Ali and Kyle approach. 

"Any word on Ashlyn?" Ted asked. 

Ali somberly gave him an update on what happened.

"Um… Dr. Jones," Kyle said, "I need to talk to you about something." 

She seemed to understand what he was talking about even if Ali didn't. She nodded. "Let's step into my office." 

As she led Kyle away, Ali toyed anxiously with her necklace, unsure of how to approach the subject of her suspicions with Ted. 

"Did you need something?" He asked. 

"Yeah… I um… it's just… doesn't something about this whole thing with Ashlyn seem off?" 

"A lot of things seem off, Ali." He said, furrowing his brow. "What exactly are you talking about?" 

"Isn't it possible someone set this up?" She asked. "Made it look like Ash tried to kill herself but..." 

"It's possible.” Ted nodded before she could say more. “And we'll look into that possibility, I promise you. But right now it doesn't look that way." 

Something about the way he said this gave Ali the impression he knew something she didn't.

"What do you mean?" She asked, feeling her heart start to race again. 

He hesitated; she knew he was probably debating whether to tell her this or not, either because it was part of an investigation or because he was worried about her reaction, or both. Finally he said, "We found a letter in her office." 

"A suicide note?" She asked, trying to stay calm, not wanting to believe it.

"Not exactly. It was a letter addressed to her successor." 

"Well, are you sure she wrote it?" Ali asked. "I mean anybody could have gotten in there and-" 

"We're having it analyzed.” He assured her. “But at this point I think it's genuine. It sounds like her. Plus it was definitely written by someone who knew the inner workings of the department pretty well." 

Ali tried to process this information but it didn't shake her suspicions in the slightest. "So she wrote a letter to her successor, that's not the same as a suicide note. I mean, Uncle Ted…”

"Alexandra.” Ted said, sounding gentle but firm. “The tone of the letter… it doesn't sound like a woman who's worried about being fired or anything like that, which she had no reason to be either." 

"Can I see it?" Ali asked, feeling a strange sense of urgency. 

"No.” He said quickly. “I think it’s best if you stay out of this.” 

"But…” She started to protest. 

He put a hand on both of her shoulders. “Ali, I care about Ashlyn too, and I don't want to believe this, either. I promise you we're going to look into this thoroughly, but you can't just ignore evidence because it tells you something you don't want to hear. And you have to let the police do our jobs, okay?" 

"I know. I just..." 

"I'll keep you posted, okay?" He promised as he released her shoulders. "I'm gonna head down to the station now. Let me know when she wakes up." 

"I will.” Ali whispered, trying not to let her eyes fill with tears again. The letter proved nothing, she told herself. Of course, if she could read it she would have an easier time figuring out what it did mean. As she was pondering how she could make that happen she heard a voice behind her.

“Ali?”

She turned around and saw Chris walking over to her with a stunned expression on his face. 

“What is it?” She asked, her voice thick with concern. “Is it Ash? Is something wrong?"

"I think you were right. I don't think Ashlyn did this to herself." 

Ali almost deflated with relief. "What brought this on?" 

Chris leaned forward and said quietly, "I know what sent her into cardiac arrest."

"What?" Ali asked eagerly. 

"She was given the wrong medication. One that had a potentially fatal interaction with one she'd already been given." 

Ali looked at him, trying to figure out the train of thought his mind was on. "You think that was deliberate?" 

"I don't know." Chris said pensively. "I mean I work here. I know mistakes happen, it's the sad truth, but something just doesn't feel right about this. I mean Dr. Jones is an administrator. She's not even supposed to be treating patients and I can't believe she-" 

"Wait.” Kyle suddenly appeared, inserting himself between the two of them. "Not that I was listening in or anything but what time did Ash get this medication?" 

"The order was marked at like 9:21." Chris said. 

"I was talking to Dr. Jones then. She wasn't writing any orders." Kyle said. 

"See," Chris said, "it just doesn't make any sense." 

"So what are you saying?" Ali asked. "That the order was forged?" 

"I don't know.” Chris said, beginning to sound frustrated. "I can't think who here even knows Ash much less wants her dead." 

"Well maybe whoever did this isn't the one who wants her dead." Kyle suggested. "Could be someone here was paid off or coerced." 

"Which means it could be anyone." Ali sighed tiredly. 

"Well who wants her dead?" Kyle asked. "Can't be that many people." 

Ali turned to Chris. "What has she been up to these last few weeks?" 

Chris looked at her thoughtfully. "She hasn't really wanted to talk to me, to be honest..."

"I think I should head over to her place. Maybe there's something there that will-" 

"Wait, wait, wait!" Kyle said with a shake of his head. "That's exactly the kind of thing you should leave for the police." 

Ali gave him an irritated look. "I talked to Uncle Ted. He's convinced Ash did this to herself. Besides, the cops won't know if something's out of place." 

"No offense," Chris interjected, "But you might not either. I know you’re experienced with this stuff but the place has gone downhill massively since you were last there." 

"Okay.” Ali said, trying to shake off her sadness. "So you'll come with me. You might notice something I'll miss." 

"I don't know, Ali." He said, uneasily. 

"Chris, someone is trying to kill her!” She said in a fierce whisper. "If we don't find out who it is soon they might just succeed. I'm heading over there - you can come or you can stay. It's up to you." 

"Okay." He said, still sounding reluctant. "I'm in." 

"And I guess I'll come along for adult supervision.” Kyle said with a sigh. 

"No." Ali said sternly. "I need you to stay here and keep an eye on things. Make sure whoever this is doesn't try again." 

"Alright but be careful." 

"Always." Ali said with an attempt at a reassuring smile. 

"I'll see if I can find out anything around here while I'm at it.”

"Hey," Chris said, "would you tell my mom that I left for a little bit? Don't tell her why though."

"If you want to go say goodbye to her..." Ali offered, but Chris held up his hand. 

"Bad idea. She'll start asking questions and I can't ever lie to her so she'll figure out something's up." 

"Okay then.” She said. "You ready?" 

\-----

Though she wasn't quite surprised by the chaotic state of Ashlyn’s apartment, there was something about it which hit her hard. She had always been so precise, so orderly with this kind of thing, that to see clothes and trash strewn on the floor made Ali feel more guilty than ever.

"What are we looking for anyway?" Chris asked as they stepped inside. 

"I don't know exactly.” She said. "Something that looks out of place… I mean beyond the obvious. Anything showing who she might have been in contact with. Something that proves she didn't do this to herself." 

Gingerly, they each began picking their way through the place. 

"Oh," Ali said suddenly reaching into her purse, "Before you touch anything…" 

She tossed him a pair of latex gloves. Chris gave her a bewildered look as she put a pair on herself. 

"You carry these in your purse?" 

She shrugged. “I’m a Forensics Tech.” 

As Chris disappeared into the bathroom, Ali began rummaging through the dresser in the bedroom. The first two drawers seemed normal, but in the third, under a pile of unmatched socks, she found two tattered, old envelopes. Pulling them out and standing them upright like folders in a filing cabinet, she took the one from the bottom and carefully slid the contents onto the dresser top. 

It was an assortment of photos, ticket stubs, newspaper clippings and other souvenirs. Ali stared at Ashlyn's collection of Lara’s memorabilia with a peculiar sinking feeling. She'd kept her close, but she had put her away as she had moved on. 

Telling herself that this wasn’t strange, Ali put it all back in the envelope and emptied the second one. She steeled herself, wondering what else Ashlyn had felt the need to protect like this. Most of the contents were a yellowing collection of newspaper articles and the bulletin for the funeral mass of Mike Harris. 

As she began flipping through the articles about Ashlyn's father, she heard Chris call from the bathroom. "Well if I didn't believe you before I do now!" 

Still holding the articles, she hurried in to find Chris with a mass of pills splayed on the counter. "What's this?" She asked. 

"This," He said, "is the painkiller I prescribed her. The prescription was for sixty tablets. There are still sixty here." 

"So…" She began as Chris finished for her. 

"Either she was drugged some other way or the toxicology reports were tampered with." 

"I knew it!" Ali exclaimed. 

"What do you got there?" Chris asked, noticing the papers in her hand. 

"Newspaper articles." She said carefully. “About your dad." 

A knowing look spread across Chris’s features. “Oh.”

“What?”

“This is what I kept trying to tell you.” Chris explained with a sigh. “When I told you I was worried about her… this is why. She's been obsessing about Dad’s case lately. I told her to let it go but she insisted on looking into it. I stopped trying to change her mind, thought it might give her some closure." 

Ali figured that this must be the case Ashlyn had been so distracted by. She felt like an idiot for letting it go so easily. "Why did she want to look into it? I thought he was killed in the line of duty?" 

“Well, the theory is that he wasn't really killed by the bullet but by the drunken surgeon.” He said with another sad sigh, and Ali’s face paled. Ashlyn had never wanted to talk about her dad’s death too much when she pressed for more information so she had no idea. "You think it's somehow connected?" 

"I don't know.” Ali mumbled. "But I don't have anything else to suggest. Maybe…" She thought for a moment, then said, "Okay, it's probably a long shot, but is there any chance maybe that doctor works at the hospital and Ash tracked him down and-" 

Chris laughed slightly. "That'd be a little hard." 

"Why?" 

"Because he's dead." Chris explained. “He lost his license after what happened to Dad and just went downhill from there I guess until..." 

He stopped himself and looked at Ali as a revelation hit him. 

"What?" She asked a bit impatiently. 

"He got drunk one night, took a bunch of pills, wandered into a deserted area of town and shot himself in the head." 

"Oh my god." Ali mumbled in shock. 

"This is too much to be a coincidence." Chris said, fear evident in his voice. 

As they headed back to the hospital, Ali called Kyle and asked him to meet them at the entrance and as they arrived, he climbed into the car so they could talk without being overheard. 

"How is she?" Ali asked, wanting to make sure nothing else had happened before they discussed the matter at hand. 

"Stable.” Kyle said. "They're letting her have visitors again." He looked at Chris. "Your mom's in with her now. So I take it you found something?" 

"Not a whole lot.” Ali said. "But her painkillers are all still in the bottle so we know she didn't drug herself. And Chris just remembered that the drunk doctor who operated on their father committed suicide under identical circumstances." 

"That's kinda creepy.” Kyle made a face. 

"It has to be connected." Ali continued. "But I can't figure out how." 

"What's bothering me the most is that if it really is someone who works at the hospital then Ash is vulnerable as long as she's here." Chris said worriedly. 

"Could we get her transferred?" Ali asked. 

He shook his head. "That would be pretty dangerous too." 

She thought for a few seconds, "Okay then, we'll just have to divert whoever's attention away from Ash." 

"How do we do that without knowing who it is?" Kyle asked. 

Ali sighed, feeling more hopeless than ever. “I don’t know.”

\----

_Who needed a massage when you could spend a couple of days in a coma? She could feel that her muscles were more relaxed than she remembered them being in a long time. If she just let herself drift, it all felt like floating in a cool pool. Not that bad._

_But somewhere in the back of her mind something kept reminding her that this was wrong. That she couldn't give into it. Her mother was here, she kept telling her so. And Ali. Had Ali really been here or was that a dream? Did you dream in a coma? Where was she?_

_She needed to talk to Ali._

\----

They returned to the waiting area and Chris left to get coffee. After a while, Mrs. Harris joined them.

"Ali, you're back. Is Chris with you?" 

"He just ran for coffee.” She said. "How's Ash?" 

"The same. They're letting her have visitors again. I'm not sure if it's just family or not." 

"I'll go check." Ali said, standing up and walking towards Ashlyn's room as she looked around for a doctor. Dr. Spencer was standing outside one of the rooms nearby, looking at a chart with his usual self-satisfied smile. "Excuse me, Dr. Spencer?"

"How can I help you?" 

"You're one of Ashlyn’s doctors, right? I heard she was allowed visitors again but I wasn't sure if it was just family. I'm not quite family but I, well, I was hoping…" 

His smile broadened. "I'm sure it would be alright for you to see her. Her room's right over here." 

"I know." Ali said. She walked into Ashlyn's room with, oddly enough, less trepidation than the last time. The door didn't shut behind her but she didn't turn to close it. Instead, she sat down beside Ashlyn.

"Hey there.” She said softly, not caring if she was loud enough to be overheard from those passing in the hallway. "My last visit didn't end so well I know, but I also know you knew I was there. I need you to let me know again." 

She scooted her chair closer to the bed and looked at Ashlyn’s still face for a moment before reaching out to gently touch her cheek. "You have to come back to me, Ash." She whispered, noticing how cold Ashlyn’s skin was. "I need you. I love you. Please I can’t..."

She choked on a sob, unable to get any more words out. She clutched Ashlyn’s hand between both of hers, praying to whomever was listening that this nightmare would be over soon.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_Ashlyn’s hand trailed over her face slowly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she stared hard into her face._

_"Ashlyn?" She asked. "What's wrong?"_

_"Not a thing." Ashlyn said in wonderment. "I'm not used to that. I just can't believe that you're here."_

_"Of course I'm here.” Ali frowned. "Where else would I be?"_

_"You can't stay.” Ashlyn said, looking at her curiously._

_"What do you mean?" Ali asked worriedly. "You want me to leave?"_

_Ashlyn shook her head sadly._

_"No.” She said. "But you need to wake up now."_

Ali jerked awake, her irritation at discovering she had been dreaming pushed aside when she realized there was someone beside her with their hand on her shoulder. She looked up into the smiling face of Dr. Spencer and felt a sudden jolt of unexplainable fear. 

"Dr. Spencer." She said, blinking sleep from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep." 

"It's quite alright.” He said with an unchanging expression. "You obviously needed it. The human body is a remarkable thing that way - when we don't give it what it needs it tends to demand it of us." 

"Yeah, I guess." Ali mumbled, standing up and smoothing her clothes. For some reason she felt incredibly uncomfortable with him looming over her like that. "How is she?" She asked, indicating Ashlyn with a tilt of her head. 

Dr. Spencer sighed. "Well as you know it's remarkable that she's even alive. She's stable for now and barring any further setbacks I would say she's likely to survive but…" 

Ali's heart started to race when he trailed off. What about Ashlyn's condition didn't he want to tell her? "But what?" 

"Well, brain injuries are tricky things.” He continued. "Even if she does survive there's no guarantee when or even if she'll wake up. And even if she does wake up it's hard to predict what the impact of her injuries will be. She could have lasting brain damage." 

Ali took a sharp breath in and steadied herself against the edge of Ashlyn's bed. 

"Are you alright?" He asked, putting a hand on her back. 

She resisted the urge to flinch away from it. "I'm fine.” She assured him. 

"I'm sorry.” He said. "It was insensitive of me to say that, you're obviously very concerned about Lieutenant Harris." 

"No.” Ali told him defiantly. "You don't know Ashlyn. She's going to be just fine. If for no other reason than proving everyone else wrong." 

She walked briskly from the room, meaning to head back to the waiting area to find someone else to sit with Ashlyn, but as she walked she had the sudden sensation of being smothered. Unable to think of anything but a need for fresh air, she broke into a run and didn't stop until she made it out of the sliding glass doors at the front of the hospital. 

She steadied herself against one of the columns supporting the front awning, gasping for air.

"Ali?" She heard a voice behind her say and turned to see her uncle with a cell phone against his ear. 

She stared at him in response, still trying to catch her breath. 

"I'll call you back in a minute.” He said to whoever was on the other end and shut his cell phone as he walked towards her. "Ali what's wrong? Did something happen? Is it Ashlyn?"

"She's fine." Ali shook her head. "There's no change." 

"Okay.” Ted said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “So what happened?" 

"Nothing.”

"Honey, you're on the verge of a panic attack.” He pointed out with a concerned frown. "That doesn't look like nothing." 

"I don't think I can do this.” Ali whispered, suddenly collapsing in sobs against his shoulder. 

"Do what?" He asked gently. 

"Ashlyn.” Ali said, furiously wiping at the tears on her face. "I was just with Ashlyn and the doctor came in and... Uncle Ted, what if she never wakes up?" 

Ted backed up enough that he could look her in the face. "Ali, Ashlyn's not going to die." 

"I know.” She sniffed. "But what if she just doesn't wake up? She has a brain injury and they don't know how bad it is - what if it's really bad? Uncle Ted, I can’t imagine what that’s like. Her being in a coma for so long, visiting her every day, just watching her as she’s there but not really there. Praying she’ll wake up one day and then… losing her anyway. If that happens, I don't think I'll be strong enough to make it through. I don't think I can handle that." 

"Listen to me.” Ted said firmly. "First of all, you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. And secondly, you can't think like that. Ashlyn's strong and she's stubborn and we both know that when she sets her mind to something there's no talking her out of it. So you just sit there and talk to her and you make her want to come back to us." 

\-----

_She was gone again. Had she really been here? There was a moment when she'd seemed so close Ashlyn had almost been able to touch her, but she couldn't quite reach. And now she was gone again. She'd lost her again and this time she didn't even know what she'd done._

_She'd run away. Maybe that’s what she deserved in the end. Ashlyn saw her at a distance. Way over on the shore, sitting in the sand, her knees pulled up to her chest. She was watching a little boy playing in the water._

_"Sweetheart.” She called. "Don't get too dirty. We have to go visit Ashlyn and they'll kill me if you track in all that sand."_

_She smiled at the little boy. She seemed happy, but there was something obscuring her smile. Like a fog. Like she couldn't quite see her way to smiling fully._

_"Sweetheart." She called again. "Are you listening to me?"_

_The little boy looked up at his mother and for the first time Ashlyn got a clear look at his face, and suddenly she realized who he was. That boy was Ali’s son. She had a child. She had moved on with someone and they had a child together. But still she spoke of visiting her. If Ali still wanted her, why wasn’t she part of their lives?_

_Was she happy? Ashlyn wondered. Even if she couldn't be part of her life, she wanted her to be happy. Even if it couldn't be with her._

\-----

When Ali had finally calmed down, Ted looked her in the eyes again and said, "Now I know you're not gonna wanna hear this, but I think you need to go home for a while. It's been a long day." 

It had, she thought. Looking around she realized it had gotten dark - it was night already. It felt like only minutes ago that Ted had called her and at the same time it seemed so far away.

"No.” She said softly. "I need to say here. I need to be close to Ashlyn." 

"Ashlyn would tell you to go home.” 

"And I wouldn't listen to her either.” Ali said, trying to force a smile onto her face.

"Just for a couple of hours.” He pressed. “Get some sleep. You'll feel better. You can come back refreshed, stronger, you'll be a bigger help to Ashlyn. I promise someone will call you if there's any change." 

She shook her head again. "I need to go back in. I need to talk to her mother and Chris." 

"I'll walk you to them.” Ted offered with a sigh. "Maybe they'll have better luck persuading you." 

Chris and his mother were sitting in the waiting area; Chris looked half asleep, his head listing to one side. Mrs. Harris saw them approaching and sat up straight, a look of concern growing as she took in Ali's tear-stained face. 

"Ali?" She asked. "I thought you were with Ashlyn. Is she..." 

"The same.” Ali answered, fighting to keep from crying again. "I just um… I just needed some fresh air." 

"Well that's understandable.” She said, moving over so that Ali would have room to sit beside her. "You've been cooped up here most of the day."

"I was actually trying to convince her to go home and rest for a little bit.” Ted said. 

"That's a very good idea.”

"No." Ali insisted. "I need to be here with Ashlyn. What if something happens?" 

"Visiting hours are almost over anyway.” Chris said. "You'd just be waiting out here." 

"Then I'll wait out here." Ali told him, folding her arms defensively. She tried to give Chris a meaningful look without the others noticing; if they left Ashlyn unguarded through the night, whoever had given her the near fatal medication could try again. 

As if he heard her thoughts, Ted said, "Officer Miller is going to be stationed by her door all night. If anything happens, I'll have him call you immediately." 

"Why are you posting a guard at her room?" Mrs. Harris asked. 

"Dr. Jones requested it.” He explained. "She's concerned with Ashlyn being a cop that someone with a grudge against her - you know, someone she arrested who's out on probation or something - might try to take advantage of her condition. It's just a precaution." 

Ali saw Chris breathe a sigh of relief and hoped she was doing a better job of hiding her own. 

"You see." Chris said to her. "There's no reason you can't go home for a little bit. She'll be fine." 

Ali frowned unhappily but finally gave in. “Fine. Just for a few hours.”

\----

_There was someone in the corner. Someone she didn't quite know and couldn't quite see. Staying deliberately just out of sight. If she could turn her head she should be able to see…_

_But she couldn't move. Whoever it was, was talking. She could hear the sounds but couldn't make them sense of them. She had a feeling they were important, but no amount of straining could decipher them._

_There was someone else too. Standing closer. Beside her bed, almost close enough to touch. Her manner was defensive, protective. And yet… there was no reason Ashlyn should be afraid of her of all people, so why tonight did her presence fill her with dread?_

_She willed her to go away, but she wouldn't. She just stayed there, right beside Ashlyn’s bed, not saying anything, not even really looking at her. It was crazy, she knew. There was no reason she should be afraid of her._

_She tried to say something to her, but still found her mouth useless. There were things she needed to say. Things she needed to tell her and everybody else. Things she needed to say to Ali. And questions she needed to ask. Things that didn't quite make sense._

\-----

"How is she?" Ali asked the next morning as she approached Chris in the waiting area. 

"No change.” Chris sighed. “Her heart rhythm is stable so that's great, but the doctor said there’s no way of really telling if she has brain damage until she wakes up.”

Ali didn’t know what to say to that. She knew she wouldn’t leave Ashlyn. She knew she would vow to be patient through whatever it was she struggled with, stay by her side, support her as best as she could. But she also knew that if the damage was severe, Ashlyn wouldn’t want her to give up her life for her.

It was a possibility she couldn’t quite think about just yet.

"You can go see her if you want..." Chris gave her a gentle smile, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. 

Ali nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. “Yeah.”

\----

"Dr. Jones!" Kyle called as he caught sight of her walking out of her office. 

She stopped and looked at him in surprise. "Yes?" 

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked. Then, taking a look around, he added, "Preferably in your office?" 

She nodded. "Of course." 

She led him back to her office; Kyle noticed that she seemed to look around as if she wanted to make sure they weren't being watched. When they entered her office, she quickly shut the door behind them. "So is this about..." 

"The little research project my boyfriend’s been working on for you?" He finished. "No. I was hoping we could talk about Ashlyn Harris." 

He saw fear spark in her eyes which she quickly tried to cover with blankness. "Well, I'm not one of her doctors.” She said. "But I can check..." 

"But you were the one who ordered that medication that caused the interaction with the anesthesia." 

"Oh… that." 

"Yeah," He said dryly, "that." 

"I feel just terrible about that.” She fumbled. "I..." 

"The thing that confused me…” Kyle continued, "Is that I could have sworn I was in your office talking to you at the time." 

"There must be some kind of mix up.” She said numbly. 

"Yeah. Like someone forged your signature on the chart." 

She hesitated and for a moment he thought she was close to confessing something, but she shook her head. "You don't know what you're talking about, Kyle. Just because your family and your boyfriend have experience with this, doesn’t make you the next Sherlock Holmes." 

"You're right.” He admitted. "I don't. That's why I'm trying to get you to tell me."

"Look," She said, "it's been a long week - I have a lot on my mind. I made a mistake." 

"So you gave the wrong medication and wrote the wrong time on the chart?" He asked. 

"Yes.” She said, trying to sound firm but not quite managing. 

"One problem. Patient's brother's a doctor. He said judging by the time Ashlyn's heart stopped and the amount of the medication in her system, it had to have been administered while you and I were talking." 

"Kyle!" She said, a note of desperation creeping into her voice. "Leave this alone." 

"Why?" 

"Look, whatever happened, it's over now.” She pleaded. "Lieutenant Harris is going to be alright and she's safe now.” 

"That's right.” Kyle said slowly. "You asked Uncle Ted to put a guard on her room. Why'd you do that?" 

Dr. Jones pretended to look through some papers on her desk. "It's standard procedure when we have police officers in here. Just in case anyone had a grudge against her." 

"When Uncle Ted was in here after being shot a few years ago he didn't have a guard." Kyle pointed out, "I would think if the Chief of Detectives warrants one then the Commissioner..."

"Look I don't have to explain myself to you!" She said, an angry edge growing in her voice.

"You're right.” He nodded. “But until you do I'm just gonna keep asking. I can be a real pain in the ass when I want to." 

"Why does this even matter to you?" She asked with a wild look in her eyes. 

"Same reason you have Darren tracking down your son.” He said. "Because family's important and Ashlyn’s important to my sister, and I can't let her look into this alone." 

Her expression softened and she was silent a moment while the anger, but not the desperation, seeped away from her face. "Your sister... I heard… there's a rumor going around the hospital that her and Ashlyn are dating. Is it true?" 

"Why?”

"She needs to be careful.” Dr. Jones said, pursing her lips. "You need to find a way to get her to drop this." 

"What do you mean she needs to be careful?" Kyle asked, concerned by the ominous tone of her words. "Is Alex in danger? Sarah, if you know anything..." 

"I don't.” She said sharply. "Just… you have no idea what's going on. Drop this!" 

"Sarah..." Kyle protested as she pushed past him to the office door. 

"I have to go.” She said through a shallow breath. "I'm late to a staff meeting." 

"Wait!" He called, but she had fled the office before he could stop her. He watched her hurry down the hall, knowing he couldn't afford the kind of scene that chasing her would cause.

\-----

Ali tried not to let her eyes stray to the bandage on the side of Ashlyn's head. Part of her was getting used to seeing her this way and the other part of her hated that fact. There was no reason to get used to this, she told herself, it wouldn't last for long. 

"They say I'm supposed to keep talking to you." She said, brushing the hair back from the left side of Ashlyn’s forehead. "The problem is I'm running out of things to say. Everyone always talks about you being quiet, but I guess I never realized how much you usually say until you weren't saying anything at all. You know, I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and I could swear you were in the room with me. Pretty crazy, huh?" 

She raised Ashlyn’s hand to her lips and kissed it. "I was thinking, when you wake up, once the doctor says it's okay, you and I should go away. Somewhere neither of us have been and where no one knows us. Like Europe or… Siberia, I don't care. Some place we can really get away from everything." 

She looked down at Ashlyn’s motionless form, willing her to move. To give her some kind of sign. 

"Come on, Ash." She whispered, feeling her voice start to crack again. "Please come back to me. Please. Let me see those beautiful eyes again." She paused and waited. Hoping with every ounce of energy she had that her words would have the desired effect. 

Ashlyn didn't move. 

Ali leaned down and kissed her hand again. "I love you, Ashlyn." She whispered through tears. 

\----

_Ali couldn't hear her no matter how loud she screamed. No matter how hard she reached to wipe away her tears, she was too far away. This was getting really frustrating. She couldn't even remember how she got here in the first place…_

_A phone call. Late at night, she was almost asleep. A woman's voice, garbled by tears. A drive through town, still disoriented, groggy, but she couldn't wait. Then a flash of light, almost simultaneous with burning on the side of her head._

_She needed to tell Ali. This and so much more._

\-----

Dr. Spencer glared at his cell phone when he saw the number on the caller ID. 

"You shouldn't be calling me.” He said as a greeting. 

"They're asking questions." She told him, sounding desperate. 

"Of course they're asking questions. Did you really think they wouldn't?" 

"I think they know something.” She said. 

"They think they know something.” He hissed. "They don't have any proof because there isn't any proof to have. So keep your mouth shut and keep acting innocent and this will all go away." 

"But..." 

"And don't call me again.” He said firmly. "I'll call you when I need to talk to you." 

He closed the phone and dropped it back in his pocket. This was going to work, he assured himself as he watched a shaky looking Ali Krieger switch places at Ashlyn Harris's bedside with her uncle. Maybe not quite as planned, he thought to himself, but this was going to work.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"There you are." Kyle said as he saw a somewhat dazed Ali walking down the hall. 

"Yeah." She replied softly. "I was sitting with Ashlyn." 

"You okay?" He asked. 

She nodded, holding back the tears that were pricking at her eyes. "It's just hard seeing her like that." 

Kyle put an arm around her, pulling her into a half hug. "Hang in there." He said. "She's gonna be okay. She’s too stubborn to go out that easily." 

Ali tried to force a smile at his comment. "Did you talk to Dr. Jones?” She asked. 

"Yeah.” Kyle said pensively. 

"And?" 

"Well she definitely knows something… What, I don't know. And…" 

"What?" Ali asked when he trailed off. "There's more? What else did she say?" 

He hesitated, knowing full well Ali wouldn't react to this the way he wanted her to. "She seems to think you're in danger." 

"Oh.” Ali said without flinching. “Well, then at least the attention is off Ashlyn.”

"Alex...” He sighed. "I know you want to protect Ashlyn but I'm questioning the wisdom of going along with you on this one." 

"The wisdom of going along with me is that I'm going to keep looking for who did this until I find them, whether you're with me or not.” She said. "This way you can keep an eye on me." 

He shook his head and wondered if he could stop her by locking her in a closet somewhere.

Chris approached them at that moment, looking somewhat out of breath. "Hey guys, I'm glad I caught you." 

"What's up?" Ali asked, a bit worried by the look on his face. "Is it Ashlyn?" 

"No. Well, sorta, in a roundabout way I guess. I just talked to someone from the hospital in DC. I couldn't get them to release the records of the surgeon who worked on Dad but I happened to get a nurse on the phone that knew him. She said that the whole thing was really weird." 

"How so?" Kyle asked. 

"Well, she said that before that night he had a perfect record, but that actually something strange happened a couple weeks before my dad died. Apparently he got mugged and after that he just started acting different." 

"Drinking?" Ali asked. 

Chris shook his head. "Jumpy, nervous. But as far as she knew he never drank before that night. She said she never quite believed it really happened." 

"What does that mean?" Ali asked, wrinkling her forehead. 

"I don't know.” He said. "But I don't think I'm going to get any more information out of them. Not over the phone anyway and I don't want to leave my mom or Ashlyn right now." 

"I could run up there." Kyle offered. 

"Would you?" Ali asked. 

"Yeah.” He nodded. "It's not that far and Chris is right, it's a lot easier to get info out of people when you're actually in their faces." 

"Thank you," Ali said with a sigh of relief, hugging him tightly. "Be careful please. Let us know as soon as you find anything out." 

"Will do.” He told her as she pulled away. Turning to Chris he said, "Do me a favor and watch out for her okay." 

"I'll be fine." Ali groaned. 

"I'll keep her in line." Chris agreed, throwing an arm playfully over her shoulder. 

"No one can do that." Kyle assured him. "But if you keep her out of mortal danger I'll be happy." 

Ali rolled her eyes but smiled slightly. 

\----

_Ali stood gazing at the mirror, dressed in a beautiful gown. Her uncle approached and put a hand on her shoulder. "It’s almost time.” He said. “How are you?”_

_"I'm okay." Ali said through misty eyes. "I just can’t stop thinking of Ashlyn. I wish she was here. I was supposed to marry her. We were supposed to spend our lives together.”_

_“I’m sorry, honey.” Ted said. "But you know she is here. In your heart. And she would want you to be happy, even if it’s with someone else.”_

_Ashlyn tried to tell them that she was there. More than in their hearts, she was standing beside them, but no one seemed to notice. And then as she had come to expect, the scene faded._

_She was back again. If she ever really left in the first place. She didn't seem to do anything, just hover there. And yet her very presence seemed to be a threat. It wasn't so much as what she represented. So strange how things changed; once upon a time looking up and seeing her standing by her bed would have made her feel very differently. So why did she want so badly to run now?_

\-----

Ali was returning from the hospital cafeteria when her phone rang. Seeing Kyle's name on the caller ID, she answered it quickly. "Hey what's up?" 

"How much do you love your darling brother?" 

"You found something?" She guessed. "What?" 

"First you have to promise never to doubt my magical powers of persuasion and information gathering again."

"Sure I promise." She said impatiently. 

"Okay.” He began, taking a deep breath. "You remember how Chris said the doc who worked on his dad was mugged a little bit before the incident?" 

"Yeah?" 

"He filed assault charges.” Kyle said. "Somehow he found out the identity of his attacker. Turns out it was a juvenile so the records were sealed." 

"Damn!" Ali cursed through gritted teeth. 

"Hold on.” Kyle said, and Ali could almost hear him smiling. "You're doubting me." 

"You got a hold of the records?" She asked eagerly. "How?" 

"Better I don't tell you.” He said. "You'll want deniability. Anyway, turns out this kid is someone we know." 

"Who?" She demanded. 

"David Spencer. Now known as David Saunders. He's John Spencer's brother, and John is one of Ashlyn's doctors. Coincidence? I think not."

“Okay…”

“The strange thing is the doc withdrew the charges two days later. Said he was mistaken."

"Okay..." Ali said again, sinking into a nearby chair. "I need to get this straight. David is charged with assaulting this doctor. Doctor drops the charges almost immediately but hospital staff say he acts strange. Not long after Mike Harris is brought in with a gunshot wound. He dies on the operating table, allegedly because this doctor was drunk when he operated, but no one ever remembers him drinking before. A few weeks later the doctor dies in an apparent suicide which mirrors almost identically the attempt on Ashlyn's life all these years later." 

"Kind of an unlikely set of coincidences." Kyle replied. "It seems kind of suspicious to me." 

"I need to talk to this David guy.” Ali said more to herself than to her brother. 

Kyle snorted. "Good luck. If he hasn't talked about it before I doubt he's gonna say much to you. I can head back and see if I can get anything out of him." 

"No.” She said quickly. "You stay where you are and keep looking." 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Kyle…”

"Okay, forget about David for a minute because there's more." 

"More?" She asked anxiously. 

"An avenue I'm more comfortable with you exploring.” He said. "One of the nurses that was in the OR with Ashlyn's father and the drunken doctor. She left DC right about the time the drunken doctor, his name is Dr. Jacobs by the way, died." 

"You think her leaving was related in some way?" Ali asked. 

"Could be.” Kyle responded. "And she works at a nursing home only fifteen minutes away from here now." 

"Fifteen minutes?” Ali repeated.

"Exactly. So why don't you take Dr. Chris and go pester her and hold off on the David angle 'till I have more info." 

"Or I could send Chris to talk to her and I could go talk to David." She pointed out. 

Kyle groaned on the other end of the phone. "You know, sometimes I hate the way you don't give up on things." 

"Only when it's inconvenient to you." She smiled slightly. "What's the woman's name?" Ali scribbled down the name of the nurse and the nursing home. "Have I told you you're going to make an awesome PI?" 

“I learn a lot from Darren.” Kyle chuckled. "So you're going to check out the nurse first, right?" 

"Okay, I'll start there if it's that big a deal." She said dismissively. "You're the best. Call me if you find out anything else." 

She hung up the phone before Kyle could make her promise anything about staying away from David. 

Chris was back at work today so he was more difficult to find, but Ali finally found him looking over some xrays. 

"What's up?" He said, realizing from her expression that something must have happened.

"Kyle found one of the nurses that was in the OR with your dad." She said, deciding not to tell him about David just yet. "She works at a nursing home fifteen minutes from here." 

"You're kidding." Chris said, surprised. 

She shook her head. "I was going to head over there, try to talk to her. Just on the off chance she knows anything that could help us figure out who's behind all this. Are you off anytime soon?" 

"Theoretically I'm off at seven." He said but motioning to the four clipboards he was holding added, "but honestly it'll be at least eight." 

"I hate to wait that long." She sighed, glancing at her watch and seeing it was only 1:00. 

"You okay to head over there by yourself?" 

Ali nodded, grateful that Chris was slightly less overprotective than Kyle. 

"Just be careful!" He called to her as she walked away. 

\----

_She had always hated hospitals. Ever since she watched them wheel the shrouded gurney with her father's corpse down the hallway of the hospital in DC. She'd never understood how Chris could spend so much time in them._

_She needed to remember how she'd wound up here. It didn't do her any good to figure out what had happened if she couldn't figure out why. Why? She wracked her brain, searching through the memories of the days that led up to this…_

_They'd believed a lie for years. She found that out the day before. She thought about telling Chris but Chris would have asked for answers she couldn't give yet. Because uncovering a lie and uncovering the truth were never quite the same thing._

_But it didn't do her any good to remember anything if she was here for the reason Ashlyn suspected. Damn. She hated feeling so helpless, so feeble. What could she do to stop her in her present condition?_

_Focusing all of her thoughts and energy on one task, she finally managed to speak to her, though she suspected she might have been the only one who could hear her._

_"Go.” She said. "Lara, leave. Please."_

\----

"Linda Winters?" Ali asked the middle-aged woman that the receptionist had pointed out to her. 

The woman looked at her in surprise. "Yes, can I help you?" 

"Hi." Ali said, extending her hand. "My name's Ali Krieger. I was hoping to ask you some questions about a patient of yours." 

The woman shook her head. "HIPAA prohibits me from releasing any confidential information about my patients." 

"Oh," Ali said, "well I'm not actually looking for information about the patient - he died. I'm trying to find out about the doctor who treated him.” 

The woman frowned, "One of the doctors here?" 

"No.” Ali clarified. "No, this was a surgeon you assisted in DC.” 

She laughed. "Honey, that was so long ago, I was just out of school. I really can't say I remember much." 

"What about a Dr. Jacobs?" Ali asked. "He was a surgeon you assisted. Do you remember him?" 

Ali could tell immediately from the look on her face and the way she inhaled sharply that she did. 

"Yes, I remember him.” 

“You were there when he worked on a gunshot victim." Ali explained. “A police officer. He was drunk and made a mistake on closing and the patient died." 

"I'm sorry," the woman said breathlessly, "I can't help you." 

She turned and started to walk away but Ali caught her by the arm. 

"Please!" She said. "You're not in any kind of trouble, I promise. I just... my... someone I care about very much is in danger and it all goes back to this. I need to find out what happened in that operating room." 

"No you don't understand." The woman said. "I can't help you. I don't know." 

"You don't remember?" 

"No," she said pulling her arm out of Ali's grasp, "I wasn't there." 

Ali stared at her, confused. "But the hospital records..." 

"I know what the records say.” The woman said. "But I wasn't in that OR. I was with Dr. Spencer." 

"Dr. Spencer?" Ali asked. "John Spencer?" 

Immediately her mind started racing; if Dr. Jacobs had initially identified his attacker as David Saunders and it turned out David's brother had a connection to him as well... But Linda shook her head.

"No, his wife. Sarah was her name I think." 

"What were you doing with her?" 

The woman was clearly nervous about discussing this, but she kept talking anyway. "She overdosed that night." 

"Overdosed." Ali repeated, frowning. "On what?" 

"I don't remember exactly. It was a painkiller of some kind. And she'd mixed it with alcohol, which is never a good idea." 

"So why do the records..." 

"Because she'd stolen it from the hospital. The rumors were she'd been addicted to it for a while. If there had been any record she would have lost her medical license and possibly been open to criminal charges. Plus it would have looked bad for the hospital." 

"So they covered it up.” Ali realized. "Who?" 

"Her husband.” Linda said, looking back and forth as if she expected to be overheard. “There must have been other people involved, but I'm not sure who." 

"So he falsified the paperwork," Ali said, piecing together the information, "Said everyone was in other rooms with other patients so there would be no record of Sarah's overdose." 

"I didn't hear about what happened in the other room until later." Linda continued. "I didn't believe it at first, Dr. Jacobs had never been the type, but he admitted to it. Lost his license. And then a little while later..." 

"He killed himself." Ali said. "I know." 

"He was a wonderful surgeon before that night. I don't know what happened." 

"Let me ask you something," Ali said, "John Spencer and Dr. Jacobs, did they get along?" 

The look of uneasiness on Linda's face grew. "Dr. Spencer was... I don't know, it's hard to describe. There was something about him. He was a brilliant doctor. I mean really brilliant, I think everyone was sort of in awe of him. I was too at first. But he always seemed to have something going on behind the scenes. Him and his wife and a couple of other people that worked there. I don't know what was going on, it was just understood that you didn't ask. And he tended to be very exclusive. If he liked you he could sometimes go out of his way for you, but if he didn't... Things tended to happen to people he didn't get along with. People who got in his way." 

"And he didn't get along with Jacobs." Ali guessed. 

"No. They had a big fight one day. I'm not sure what it was about, but we all heard them shouting. Then they just sort of stopped talking, but things were very tense between them. But of course Dr. Jacobs wasn't around for long after that." 

"How did you get along with him?" 

"Dr. Spencer? He seemed to like me.” Linda said. "As I said, I was young. Right out of school. I think he knew I wouldn't stand up to him. I didn't want to get on his bad side." 

"That's why he pulled you in when his wife overdosed. He figured you wouldn't say anything." 

"And I didn't," she said softly, "He pulled me aside later. He wanted to make sure I knew exactly how bad it would be for me to say anything. That's part of why I moved away." 

Ali debated whether she should tell the woman how close she was to Dr. Spencer now, but decided against it. "Thank you so much.” She said, squeezing her hand. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you more about Dr. Jacobs." 

"No, no.” Ali assured her. "You've helped me out a lot."

As she drove back to town, Ali's mind raced, trying to make sense of the information she'd gathered. Between the allegations against David and what the nurse had said about Jacob and Dr. Spencer's interactions, it was a reasonable conclusion that Jacobs had crossed the brothers in some way. 

But connecting the two men to Jacobs did not automatically connect them to Mike Harris’s death. Except that Jacobs's death and the attempt on Ashlyn's life had been almost identical, so someone had wanted them both dead and Ashlyn's father was the only connection between the two. And someone at the hospital had attempted to kill Ashlyn a second time, and with what the nurse had said about those who got in Dr. Spencer's way… 

She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Chris. 

"Did you talk to her?" He asked without even saying hello. 

"Yeah. Turns out she wasn't actually in the room with your father." 

"Damn, so that was a dead end." 

"Not exactly.” Ali said. "She was actually treating another doctor who had overdosed on painkillers and alcohol." 

"Okay… I don't see how that helps us." 

"The doctor's name was Sarah Spencer." Chris was silent for a moment. "You still with me?"

"Yeah." He said slowly. "Her and John Spencer got divorced a while ago. She goes by Sarah Jones now. She worked in the hospital with my dad?" 

"And so did Spencer." Ali said. "And the night your dad was killed, Sarah came in with an overdose of stolen painkillers. Spencer skewed the paperwork to hide the fact that she was ever treated. The nurse also said that Jacobs and Spencer did not get along." 

"Okay.” Chris said after thinking for a moment. "I think Dr. Jones is around. I'll talk to her and see what I can find out." 

"Alright." Ali agreed. "I'll be there in a couple of minutes. But you go ahead and talk to her - she might be more likely to talk to you." 

Chris hung up the phone and started in the direction of Dr. Jones’s office. 

\-----

Ali looked down at Ashlyn's unconscious form. There were other things she should be doing, but she felt like she needed to stop in and remind herself of exactly what was at stake. She took a deep breath. 

"So apparently cooing over you like a baby isn't doing any good." She said. "So what's it going to take? What do I have to do to make you wake up?" 

She began pacing at Ashlyn’s bedside. "Everyone keeps telling me I'm supposed to give you something to live for, but clearly they don't know what they're talking about. Because apparently I'm not enough. Come on, Ashlyn, I'm running around being impulsive, mixing with dangerous people, and trying to solve crimes on my own. Don't you want to at least wake up to yell at me?" 

Falling back into the chair, she softened suddenly and kissed Ashlyn’s hand. "Please Ash..." She sighed. "I really need you. I need you to help me figure this one out. I need you to tell me what to do next." 

At that moment, the door to Ashlyn's room swung open and Ali was startled to see Dr. Spencer standing there. 

"Hello Ms. Krieger." He said in his usual good natured manner. 

"Dr. Spencer." She said, hoping her suspicions weren't too obvious. "I was just sitting with Ashlyn." 

He nodded. "That's good. It's good for long term coma patients to have the voices of loved ones.” He said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "Hopefully she’ll be awake soon." 

Controlling the urge to brush his hand away, Ali looked at him steadily. "She will. She knows what it’s like to lose someone. She lost her father young. She won’t do that to her family." 

Watching him react to that statement, Ali was certain for the first time that Dr. Spencer was involved in what happened before. He didn't flinch, but it was obvious he wanted to. She could see him making the effort not to react to the mention of Ashlyn's father. And that meant she was going to have to talk to David. 

\----

_On some level, she was aware that she wasn't actually speaking - that she wasn't making any sound audible to the waking world. It seemed strange that forming speech only in her mind should be so difficult, but she struggled to put together the words she needed to._

_"Lara," She said again, "you need to go. Leave."_

_"I can't do that, Ashlyn." She said in a voice that was gentle but firm and touched with sadness. "Not until I've done what I was sent here to do."_

_There was a time when Ashlyn would have done anything to be with her again. So why did she finally come for her when she had a reason to stay behind?_

\----

"So what is this crisis that could only be handled by my..." Seeing Ali sitting there, he stopped short. “You're the journalist that wanted to interview me?”

"Sit down David." Ali said. "I'm Ali Krieger. I need to talk to you." 

David raised an eyebrow. "Ali Krieger, is it? Did you lure me here under false pretenses?"

"Yes." She said simply. “Just sit down." 

"To what do I owe the honor?" 

"There's nothing honorific about it. I need to ask you some questions." 

"About what?" He asked, not moving to sit down. 

"A long time ago you were charged with the assault of a Doctor Jacobs." Ali said. 

"The charges were dropped.” He responded without flinching. 

"And about a month later the doctor wound up dead." Ali continued. 

"I heard he committed suicide." David shrugged. 

"Who did you hear that from?" She asked. 

David's nervousness was beginning to show. "I don't remember. I mean, word about something like that gets around." 

“Were you and your brother close back then?" 

"I lived with him.” David narrowed his eyes. “Dad was in prison so John offered to take me in. I was a kid, hadn't developed the refined taste I have now so of course I thought my big brother was the coolest thing since crepes with nutella." 

"So you lived with John and Sarah?" Ali clarified. 

"Yes," he said, "They weren't your typical newlyweds. Sad it did not work out. Is there some direction to this interrogation?" 

"Dr. Jacobs worked with your brother and Sarah." She explained. 

He shrugged. "Funny how doctors tend to work with other doctors." 

Ali could tell from the way he answered her questions that he knew something, but she tried not to let her frustration show. "A nurse who worked with them said John and Jacobs didn't get along." 

"Even funnier how people don't tend to get along with John." He said, rolling his eyes. 

"What's funny..." Ali said, "Is how someone who your brother didn't get along with identified you as the person who assaulted him. How did he even know who you were?" 

"Did it occur to you maybe he was trying to get to John by using his prepubescent little brother?" David asked. 

"It did," Ali said evenly, "but it also occurred to me that it's just as likely John would use his prepubescent little brother to get to an enemy." 

David looked at her in surprise. "How did you get to know John so well?" 

"Why did you change your name? Why don’t you want to be associated with him? Is he holding something over you? Is this it? Did you really assault Dr. Jacobs?" 

David snorted. "The statute of limitations on assault would have been long over." 

"But not on murder.” Ali pointed out. "There is no statute of limitations on murder." 

"Whoa!" David exclaimed, holding up his hands. "Who said anything about murder?" 

Ali gave him a look of feigned innocence. "I was just thinking, if assault wasn't enough… what would be?" 

"Why do you think for a minute I would actually tell you?”

Ali sighed. "Look, a few weeks after you assaulted Dr. Jacobs..." 

"Allegedly!" 

She nodded to indicate that she conceded that point while she continued. "He apparently showed up at work drunk and botched a procedure causing the death of a gunshot victim."

"Still waiting for the part where this becomes relevant to you." He said. 

"The gunshot victim's name was Mike Harris." 

David blanched. "Harris?" 

"Yes. So why don't you tell me what you aren't telling me? Were you the one who beat up Jacobs?" 

"One isn't an accurate term." He said hesitantly. 

"So you're telling me you did it but not alone?" She said to clarify. It was clear David realized he'd said something he shouldn't have. 

"You're twisting my words." 

"Then give me a clear answer. Did you assault Dr. Jacobs?" 

"No." He said, though by the way he averted his eyes Ali suspected he was still lying. 

"Did you kill him?" 

"It was a suicide.” He insisted. "How could I be responsible for that?" 

"Recent evidence suggests it might not have been." 

"And what evidence would that be?" He asked skeptically. 

Ali hesitated a moment, not sure if she wanted to reveal what they knew about Ashlyn's supposed suicide attempt, but it was clear she wasn't going to get any information out of him unless she could surprise him with something. "Ashlyn, Mike Harris's daughter, was investigating Dr. Jacobs or more specifically, her father's death. Three days ago she was injured in an apparent suicide attempt that mirrored Jacobs’s exactly."

The smarmy expression on David's face faltered. "I didn't realize." 

"What do you figure are the odds of that?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest and fixing him with an inquisitive stare. 

"I don't know.” He said with a shrug.

"We know that Ashlyn didn't try to kill herself.” Ali said, too determined to get rattled. "So it stands to reason that if the attempt on her life was a set up, the first one might have been also." 

"And why do you think I know anything about all this?" 

"Because there are too many strange intersections between your family and Jacobs." She said, "There's the assault charge, John's argument with him, the fact that nurses who were supposedly in the operating room with Jacobs when Mike Harris died were actually with your former sister in law." 

"What?" David asked, clearly genuinely surprised by this final revelation. 

"You have to know about that," Ali said, "Sarah apparently had a problem with prescription painkillers." 

"I might have known something about that." He said. 

"She overdosed that night on pills and alcohol." 

"I didn't know that." David said honestly. “Does Sarah know that?" 

"How could she not know that?"

"I don't know but John has a very different version of that night and he's been holding it over her head for a long time." 

"What does John say happened that night?" Ali asked, leaning forward anxiously. 

"You're gonna have to ask him.” David said, moving to leave.

"No, no, no.” Ali moved to block the door. "What does John say? Does it have to do with Mike Harris’s death?" 

"I didn't even know that guy was Mike Harris until you told me today!" He insisted. 

"So what did you know about him?" Ali demanded, taking a step towards him. 

"Nothing!" He stammered, "I was a kid I-" 

"David," Ali warned through gritted teeth, "You have no idea how desperate I am right now. If you don't tell me everything you know..." 

"Well Ali," David said, trying to restore his typically jovial demeanor, "I know that ketchup was originally made from anchovies and-" 

Ali took another step towards him, balling up her fist. “You son of a…”

"Alex!" A voice called, and she turned around.

"Kyle," Ali said, startled. "What are you doing here?" 

"I was driving back into town and saw your car in the parking lot.” He said. "I figured you decided not to listen to me and meet up with David."

Ali looked at him sheepishly. “Well…” 

“Yeah, yeah…” Kyle said, rolling his eyes. "In the meantime, you looked like you were trying to go somewhere." He said to David. 

"But not before he tells us everything he knows about the deaths of Dr. Jacobs and Mike Harris." Ali said. 

"Oh good.” Kyle folded his arms across his chest. "Because I have enough evidence to show that you and your brother were involved somehow, I would sure love it if you could just connect the dots and show me how." 

"I wasn't involved!" David protested. 

“David," Ali said in a gentle voice, "There’s enough evidence that shows the contrary. Feel free to prove me wrong." 

David looked a bit like a cornered animal caught between Ali's pleas and Kyle’s glares. Finally he sighed. "John and Jacobs got into it because Jacobs found out that John and Sarah and a couple of other hospital staff were using the hospital supplies to traffic prescription drugs for recreational use." 

"And that's why your brother sent you after Jacobs?" Kyle asked. 

"The first time," he said. "He didn't tell me what it was really about, of course. Just that there as this guy after our family and I might be able to persuade him otherwise." 

"And the second time?" Ali asked. 

David shook his head. "All I did was make a phone call." 

At that instant, Ali’s cell phone rang. 

"Now that's just freaking creepy." Kyle said under his breath as Ali answered it. 

"Ali..." She heard a voice say on the other end of the phone.

"Uncle Ted?" She asked. "What's up?" 

"Can you come down to the police station? I need to talk to you."

\---- 

"Dr. Jones?" Chris called, knocking on her open office door. 

"Yes Chris." She said. "Come in." 

"Mind if I close the door?" He asked. 

Sarah seemed slightly concerned by this request but nodded in agreement. "What can I help you with?" 

"I just found out that you worked in the hospital where my Dad died.” He explained, sitting down across from her. 

"I didn't realize that.” 

"I know it was a long time ago." He said. "But I was wondering if you remembered anything about the doctor who worked on him. His name was Jacobs." 

What color she had, drained completely from Sarah's face as she stammered, "I don't remember him very well." 

"Oh but you must have heard about him." Chris insisted. "A nurse who worked there said this guy Jacobs had some sort of feud with your husband." 

"Well that's part of why he's now my ex-husband.” She said. "He didn't get along with many people." 

"Yeah, but I think he had his younger brother attack this guy." Chris went on. "Or at least that's how it looked. He charged David with assault, but he dropped the charges almost immediately. Almost like he'd been threatened or something." 

"Interesting." Sarah said, clearly struggling to maintain her composure. 

"That was a little bit before Jacobs operated drunk on my dad and killed him." Chris said, his anger starting to show through, not so much at Sarah, but at the situation in general. 

"I don't know anything about that.” She said defensively. 

"Well I guess you wouldn't," Chris nodded, "You were brought in that night with an overdose of stolen prescription meds." 

"What?" She asked, sounding confused. 

"I have a nurse who says she worked on you that night." Chris said. "Don't deny it." 

"I'm not denying it!” She sounded dazed. "I just don't remember. I don't remember a whole lot from back then." 

\----

_She fought against the sluggishness in her brain. She needed to finish this conversation, she needed to make her understand._

_"Lara," She said, "if you came to bring me with you... I can't go. I'm sorry, but I can't. I have people who need me. Ali needs me, we…”_

_"Shh." Lara said, bringing a finger to her lips. "Don't jump to conclusions, love."_

_"But you said..."_

_"I had something to do here." She turned a sad gaze to her and said, "You misunderstood. I didn't come here for you. I came here for her."_


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and commenting

Chapter 16

Ali cursed out loud at the third stoplight that turned red as she approached. Whatever it was Ted wanted to talk about he had refused to discuss over the phone, but Ali could tell from his voice it was serious. Kyle had offered to follow her with David, assuming he could be corralled into the car. She couldn't see them yet in her rearview so it was probably taking some time. 

If there hadn't been a car in front of her she might have seriously considered running the light; instead she tapped the steering wheel impatiently. 

"Ali." 

She heard her voice just over her shoulder. As if she were sitting in the seat just behind her. She actually turned to see if she was there, even though she knew it was impossible. Just as she was deciding it had been her imagination, her desperation to hear Ashlyn's voice again, twisting things in her brain, she heard it again. 

“Ali!" 

This time it was clearer. 

Either that or she was able to hear it better now that she was expecting it. There was an urgency to the tone - something akin to fear. Anyone else would have told her she was crazy and maybe she was, but all that mattered to her in that instant was that Ashlyn was calling her. Ashlyn was in trouble and she needed her. 

As the light turned green, she pulled into the turn lane, changing her direction to the hospital. Whatever it was Ted had to say would have to wait.

\----

Chris walked into the police station just as Ted’s office door opened and an officer walked out. 

“What is this all about?" He asked.

"Let’s talk in my office." Ted said. “Ali’s supposed to be meeting us here as well." 

"She's not here yet?" Kyle asked as he approached with a reluctant yet curious David. "She left before we did, she should have been here by now." 

"Maybe she took a different route and got caught in traffic?" Chris suggested. 

"Hold on.” Kyle said, pulling out his cell phone and dialing her number. He held it to his ear for a moment and said, "She's not answering." 

"Did she say anything about stopping anywhere on her way?" Ted asked. 

"No. She was pretty anxious to get over here. I shouldn't have let her drive she's so stressed out about this she-" 

"I'm sure she's alright, Kyle." Chris said. "If she'd been in an accident we would have passed her on the way over here." 

"Well, why don't we go ahead and get started and hopefully she'll be here in a minute." Ted suggested with a frown. While he was concerned about Ali's disappearance he was also anxious to talk. Hoping that since she'd only been missing a few minutes and there was no cause for concern, he ushered the group into his office. 

"Okay.” He said sternly. "I called you all down here because I get the feeling that all of you are involved in something you should have told me about earlier. I want to know right now."

"Well, I feel bad saying this since she's not here to defend herself..." Kyle said. "But it was all Ali's idea." 

"It usually is." Ted sighed. "What did you do?

"We're now pretty certain Ashlyn’s suicide attempt was in fact not a suicide attempt.” 

"And the reason nobody came to me with this was?"

"Ali tried," Chris interjected, "but you were so convinced Ash did this to herself… you know maybe the better question is why didn't you come to the same conclusion yourself?" 

Chris realized immediately that speaking to the police commissioner that way might not have been a very good idea, but his concern for his sister outweighed his common sense for a moment. 

"Well as a matter of fact I had an officer working on the case, Chris." Ted said calmly. "And it's possible that if you all had shared the information you gathered with him we might have solved this case by now."

\----

John Spencer sat at his desk deep in thought. Nothing had been quite going to plan of late and that frustrated him, but he tried not to let himself be hampered by that frustration. The officer posted at her door made finishing off Lieutenant Harris impossible for the time being, but at the very least she showed no signs of awakening and even if she did, there was little chance she could identify him. 

But she would probably remember the information she had uncovered that had forced Spencer to mastermind her suicide attempt in the first place. She also might be able to finger Sarah - involving her in this had clearly been a mistake. She didn't have the stomach for this sort of thing and would probably confess everything at the slightest prompting. 

Then there was Ali Krieger who just kept digging. 

Biding his time until Harris awakened seemed his only choice, but dared he risk what Harris might remember about her ‘accident’? The sound of his door opening pulled him out of his contemplation. 

Sarah stood before him suddenly, her lower lip quivering with anger or fear. "They know." She said. 

"Who are you talking about and what do they know?" He asked irritably. 

"Chris Harris was just in my office." She said. "You know that cop whose death you pinned on Jacobs was his father." 

"Of course I knew that. Just because you were too squeamish to want to know the identity of the man you killed-" 

"But I didn't, did I?" She asked. 

"What are you talking about now?" He groaned. 

"I never remembered what happened that night.” She said. "I woke up feeling sicker than I ever had and you told me that I had made a mistake in the OR the night before and that a patient had died. A patient that happened to be the cop who had been investigating us and who was conveniently shot in an armed robbery attempt that night. You told me how bad it would look if the truth came out but that you had covered things up and made Jacobs look responsible to save my career. And I was grateful." She laughed bitterly. "I was actually grateful. I had no idea you'd hold it over my head for the rest of my life. If I'd known I would have confessed right then." 

"Don't be foolish." Dr. Spencer said with a smile. "If you'd done that you wouldn't have your career." 

"And I wouldn't have to worry about losing it now." She said. "But it was all a lie anyway, wasn't it?" 

"There have been a lot of lies, Sarah, you'll have to be more specific." 

"One of the nurses that you said was in the room with Mike Harris told Ali Krieger that I overdosed that night. I wasn't ever in that OR, was I?" 

"No you weren't." He admitted, his smile not faltering. "But good luck proving that now." 

She shook her head. "But there's no evidence I was in there. You told me you took care of it all." 

"I know what I told you." He said. "But who's to say that there isn't evidence that you framed Jacobs and had him killed to cover your mistake?" 

Sarah scowled at him. "How did I ever not see what a monster you are?" 

"Well if it's any comfort, your judgment was clouded by one substance or another most of the time we were together." 

"The truth is going to come out.” She said angrily. "You made a mistake when you tried to get rid of Ashlyn Harris. Chris, Ali, Kyle… they're all looking and they're close. They'll put the pieces together." 

"And then you and David will go down right along with me. After all, you were the one who made the phone call to lure her to the docks. Of course Harris couldn’t resist a woman in distress." He said mockingly. 

"At least I'll have the satisfaction of watching your life be destroyed the way you've destroyed so many." She spat out as she turned and walked swiftly from his office. 

Dr. Spencer dropped the smile as soon as she was gone. He hadn't anticipated anyone but Lieutenant Harris managing to piece it all together. Well, he thought as he rose to his feet, it appears waiting to act is no longer an option.

\-----

_"What do you mean, 'her'?" Ashlyn demanded. "You mean… Ali?"_

_Lara nodded slowly. "I'm here because of you, Ashlyn, but she's the one I'm actually here for."_

_"No!" Ashlyn insisted. "You can't have her! Lara, you can't. Not her. Take me instead. I don't want to leave her but if it comes down to it I'd rather-"_

_"Ashlyn, love," She said, her voice still tranquil and steady. "Calm down, you can't afford to over-excite yourself right now."_

_"How am I supposed to stay calm when you just told me-"_

_"Still my same old Ashlyn." She interrupted with a smile. "So passionate and quick to act, but you didn't let me finish."_

_"What more could you say?"_

_"I know how much you love her, Ashlyn. I know you couldn't survive losing her. That's why I came. I would never take her from you."_

_"Then what did you mean when you said..."_

_"I didn't come here to take her.” Lara said. "I came here to save her."_

\-----

"So what you're telling me is that Doctor John Spencer masterminded Ashlyn's apparent suicide attempt?" Ted asked incredulously. 

"Indeed.” Kyle said confidently.

"Why?" 

"I… might be able to shed a little light on that." David said, stepping forward. 

"I'm listening.”

"I suspect that Lieutenant Harris might have uncovered some information about a couple of crimes that John committed a while back." 

"What crimes?" Ted asked. 

David smiled nervously. "That's as much as I'm going to say unless I'm guaranteed immunity for any involvement I might have had in said crimes." 

"What the!" Chris exclaimed. 

Ted stilled him with a raised hand. ”I don't have the time or patience for this." 

"Well you're gonna have to find it." David said. "Because I'm not talking otherwise." 

"I can't begin to make deals at this point. I don't even know what crimes we're talking about."

"I can implicate John in the attempted murder of Ashlyn Harris as well as two other murders." David told him. "And by the way, Commissioner, with all due respect, I know you can't make a deal for immunity, so you might want to see about getting a DA in here." 

Ted gave David a sour look but opened his office door anyway. 

"I'm gonna try Alex again." Kyle said softly. 

\----

Ali rushed into the hospital breathlessly. Ignoring the strange looks from the nurses and an orderly calling for her to slow down, she ran towards Ashlyn's room. She was nearly there when Dr. Spencer suddenly appeared in front of her, blocking her path. 

"Ms. Krieger." He said with a gentle smile. "I've been looking for you." 

"Dr. Spencer!" She gasped. She was virtually certain this man had something to do with Mike Harris’s death and probably with the attempts on Ashlyn's life. He might very well have something to do with whatever danger Ashlyn was in now, but she couldn't afford to let him know she was aware of his involvement. 

"I take it from your expression you've heard about Lieutenant Harris." He said. 

"Heard what?" She asked, trying not to let her fear show too clearly. 

“She suffered a minor setback.” 

“What the hell did you do to her?" She demanded angrily before she could stop herself.

"Saved her life in all likelihood." He said, sounding offended at her implication. 

"I want to see her." 

He nodded. "Of course. We had to take her downstairs for some tests but there's no reason you can't sit with her while we run them. Come with me." 

He reached for her hand but she pulled it away. Motioning for her to follow him instead, he led her towards the back stairway.

\-----

Kyle tapped his foot impatiently as he closed his phone after getting Ali's voicemail again. He realized Ali hadn't been missing for long, but he also knew that it didn't make sense for her to disappear now when they were finally making progress in their investigation. Trying not to fidget too much, he watched the discussion taking place. 

"I was fourteen when I moved in with my brother." David was saying. "Naive, eager to please. Right after I moved in, he got married to an intern from the hospital where he was a resident. It became apparent very quickly that all was not well in the Spencer household. Sarah… had a problem with controlled substances. I don't know where it started but it was very pronounced by the time she moved in. Alcohol mostly but I think there were pills from time to time. There were other things that didn't make sense until later - strangers that John called colleagues, though they didn't look like doctors to me. Hushed arguments he and Sarah had from time to time. Then John came to me one day and asked if I would like to help." 

"Help what?" Ted asked. 

"Don't interrupt.” He scolded. "He told me that this guy Jacobs was after him. That if he had his way we would all lose everything. Because I'm such a sensitive soul I couldn't bear the thought of harm coming to a brother I loved so much, so I agreed to help. That's when John gave me a baseball bat and instructions on where I could find this guy alone." 

"So it wasn't a mugging." Kyle said. "You really did assault him." 

"Yes," David admitted, "with some help. One of the football players from school who I'd managed to get some embarrassing information about. It wasn't until later that Sarah told me, during one of her binges when John was out, that she and John and some of their colleagues had a nice side business selling pharmaceuticals from the hospital supply closet. I don't know if this guy Jacobs had been involved or if he just found out about it, but he was threatening to go to the police. Me and the football guy were supposed to convince him otherwise." 

"Apparently it worked.” Ted said. "There's no record or any police investigation against John."

"Well, if there's no record of the investigation that's because John took care of the records.” David shrugged. "Because there was an investigation. I think John was paying off some of the DC PD, but apparently not all of them were interested in his money. One cop in particular managed to gather a little too much evidence against them, but he was mysteriously shot before he could get enough to file charges." 

"My dad." Chris said, stunned. 

David nodded. "I think so. But you have to believe me when I tell you I didn't know that ‘till today and if you could please make sure you tell your sister that when she wakes up..." 

"Go on." Ted said impatiently. 

"Anyway.” David turned back to Ted and the DA who were busily taking notes. "Sarah suspected immediately that John was responsible for the shooting and I guess that was a little too much for her to handle because at that point she threatened to go to the police, but John stopped her by informing her she was just as responsible for that cop's death as he was. Apparently she'd worked on him in the ER that night while under the influence of God knows what and botched the surgery. Or so he said. She didn't seem to remember much of that night, but that wasn't all that unusual back then." 

"That's why she seemed so surprised when I told her she'd overdosed.” Chris said. "She didn't remember." 

"And it would seem that John fudged the details." David continued. "According to his version, he covered up her mistake, devoted husband that he was, and framed Jacobs for it." 

"Killing two birds with one stone.” Kyle said with a humorless laugh. “He discredits Jacobs and gains leverage on Sarah." 

"The killing didn't come 'till later." David said. "Jacobs lost his career and didn't have much else to lose so he went back to threatening to tell. So John had me make a phone call one night. I told Jacobs that I was scared of John, that I wanted out of his little operation but needed help getting away from him. He agreed to meet me in an empty alley."

"Where he was found dead the next morning." Chris mumbled with a shake of his head. 

"I didn't know that was going to happen!" David insisted. "But then afterwards John explained to me in his charming way that I was officially an accomplice and he'd make sure my involvement was known if I ever said anything. I moved out not too long after, kinda hoped to never see him again. Clearly those hopes were dashed a few months ago." 

"And you think Ashlyn found out about all this?" Ted asked. 

"She was looking into our father's murder." Chris told him. 

"And Spencer was still free to repeat history." Ted concluded. Turning to the DA, he asked, "Well what do you think?" 

"You definitely have enough to bring him in for questioning. Probably for an arrest, but it's going to make it hard for the charges to stick if all we have is his word." He indicated David.

"Hey guys." Kyle said, interrupting. "Not to change the subject, but Alex is still not picking up her phone and I'm really starting to worry." 

"Could she have gone by to see Ashlyn?" Chris asked. "She wouldn't be able to use her phone in her room with all the machines." 

"Maybe." Kyle said, sounding as though his worries hadn't been eased at all. 

"Well I need to head over to the hospital to chat with Spencer." Ted said as he rose to his feet and grabbed his jacket. "We can look for her while we're at it. And later," He gave Kyle and Chris a stern look, "you two and Ali can explain to me why you thought it was a good idea to conduct this investigation without talking to me." 

\----

Ali tried not to let her panic show as she raced down the stairs after Dr. Spencer. Ashlyn had called out to her and she arrived to discover she had evidently suffered some sort of set back. Her gut told her that Spencer was likely to blame for the set back, but at this point accusing him could interfere with Ashlyn's treatment, so she kept her mouth shut. 

Spencer's concern for Ashlyn had to be an act, but why was he bothering? She struggled to keep her worry for Ashlyn from clouding her perception of anything suspicious Spencer did… She realized suddenly that they were in an empty basement corridor that seemed to contain only labs and offices. Why would they have taken Ashlyn down there? 

"Where are we going?" She asked as soon as the thought occurred to her. 

Dr. Spencer took about ten more steps down the hall, then paused and wordlessly turned to face her. 

"What's going on?" She demanded. "Where's Ashlyn?" 

"Upstairs in her room." He replied, opening the door beside him. "Now if you'll please step inside."

Realizing that in her panic over Ashlyn she'd stepped into a trap, Ali turned to run but an arm circled around her chest as Dr. Spencer pulled her back against him. With his free hand he held a syringe in front of her face as he murmured in her ear, "I wouldn't advise struggling further. Now if you would please…" 

Ali allowed herself to be pulled backwards into the room which appeared to be a small laboratory. Once he'd closed the door and locked it behind them, he shifted his grip to her arm and spun her out so she could face him. 

"What's in the needle?" She asked, not taking her eyes off of it. 

"A virus." He said calmly. "A rare tropical one almost unheard of around here. It's a virulent strain, but not one an otherwise healthy adult can't survive without treatment. Of course, it can have unfortunate side effects.” 

“Why go through that trouble?” Ali asked, trying to hide the quiver in her voice. “Why not just kill me?”

"You fail to see the depth of my plan." He said. "But whatever. I'm not really interested in your opinion." 

"So why do you want Ashlyn dead? Or are you going to try to pretend you meant to leave her alive?" 

"No, Lieutenant Harris was supposed to die." He responded. "But I failed to properly estimate the thickness of her skull or the response time of the emergency services. An error on my part, I'll admit, but even if she does recover I don't think she'll be a problem in the future. She has some information she needs to forget, but I suspect she'll be willing to now. She won't risk causing harm to you… her little girlfriend.” 

"That's a good plan." Ali nodded. "But you made another miscalculation." 

"And what's that?" He asked, clearly not believing her. 

"Your leverage doesn't exist.” Ali bluffed. “We broke up. She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her either.”

\----

_Lara leaned forward and kissed Ashlyn on the forehead, then whispered something in her ear that made no sense. As Ashlyn pulled back and gave her a quizzical look, she smiled at her sadly one last time as her image began to blur._

_"Wait!" Ashlyn called but as she suspected, Lara didn't hear. Everything around her began to fade and she felt suddenly as if she was falling. Then she hit the ground with a jolt. There were voices. People in her room. Worried about something or someone._

\----

Chris opened the door to Ashlyn's room but found his mother sitting next to the bed, not Ali.

"Chris?" She asked, seeing the worried expression on his face. "Is something wrong?" 

"Not sure.” He said. "Have you seen Ali?" 

"Yeah, just a little bit ago. I don't know, half and hour tops. She was walking down the hall with Dr. Spencer. She looked really upset about something." 

"Did you find her?" Kyle asked as he joined them. 

"My mom saw her with Spencer." 

Kyle cursed. 

"What's going on?" Mrs. Harris asked.

"I can't find Spencer anywhere." Ted said as he joined them. "He's not in his office, he's not in the OR. Any idea where he would have gone?" 

"No," Chris said, "but Ali's with him." 

"What? Why?" 

"We don't know." Kyle said. 

"But my mom saw them together." Chris explained. 

"Where were they headed?" Ted asked. "Did it look like they were leaving the hospital?" 

"No.” Mrs. Harris pointed down the hall. "They were going that way." 

"There are stairs down there.” Ted said with a sigh. "Great. They could be anywhere." 

"Did Ali look okay?" Kyle asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“She looked worried." Mrs. Harris explained. "At first I assumed maybe something had happened to Ashlyn so I came down here but everything seemed to be okay. What's going on? Why are you looking for Dr. Spencer?" 

"We'll explain later.” Ted said as he pulled out his radio. "I need back up down here at the hospital to search the premises for Dr. John Spencer." 

"Ted?" Sarah asked as she appeared behind him in the doorway. "What's going on?" 

"We need to talk.” Ted shot her a look. "But I need to find John first, do you know where he is?" 

"No.” 

"We believe he's still in the hospital-" 

"Hey guys." Chris said, glancing back at Ashlyn's monitors which were showing increased activity. "Maybe we should move this discussion out of the comatose patient's room." 

Ted nodded in agreement and they began to process slowly out of Ashlyn's room when Chris noticed something. He walked back to Ashlyn’s bed and felt his heart beginning to race in his chest when he noticed that her eyes were fluttering. 

“Ash?” He called softly. “Ash are you with us?”

Everyone jumped and turned to look, startled at what they saw.

“She’s awake?” Mrs. Harris asked, rushing back to the bed. 

“Give her a moment.” Chris said in a tight voice, looking at his sister as she clearly struggled to fully wake up. He gripped her hand tightly. “Come on, Ash. You can do it, baby sis.”

Finally, her eyes slowly opened and gradually focused on him. She frowned a bit, seeming confused and worried at the same time.

“Look who finally decided to join us." Chris grinned, as everyone smiled at the joyous sight.

Ashlyn moved her head in what seemed like a slight nod and swallowed painfully. 

"Chr… Chris." She croaked in whispered recognition. 

Chris’s grin broadened, relieved that she knew who he was. "Yep, I’m right here. Been here the entire time while your lazy ass slept.”

Ashlyn’s mouth began to form words, but no sound came out.

Mrs. Harris reached over to a table holding a water pitcher, plastic cup and straw. "Here, honey. Try to sip some water." Supporting Ashlyn’s neck, she helped her to tilt her head enough to sip from the straw. She saw her grimace. "Careful, Ash, just tiny sips." 

Ashlyn soon stopped and her mom eased her head back onto the pillow. "T’ank... u." She murmured. 

“Shouldn’t we get a doctor?” Kyle asked.

Ashlyn took a moment to scan the crowd in her room before mumbling, "Ali..." 

Ted, Kyle, and Chris looked among themselves nervously, no one wanting to tell the injured and clearly struggling woman that they didn't know where Ali was and that she might very well be in danger. 

Finally, looking calmly at Ashlyn, Ted said, "We aren't sure where she is." 

"B... 10." Ashlyn pushed out. 

"What does that mean?" Ted asked.

“La…” Ashlyn paused to take a breath, fighting the sluggish feeling in her mouth. "La’a… tol’ me." 

"Lara?” Chris clarified, his brow furrowing. “Ash, what are you talking about?" 

Ashlyn’s eyes were beginning to droop. “B10.” She said again.

"B10." Ted repeated. "What is that?”

"Could it be a room number?" Kyle asked as his mind raced to uncover the meaning. 

"That would be in the basement." Chris said. 

"John has a lab down there." Sarah said, her eyes widening. 

Without waiting to respond, Ted started down the hallway as he called into his radio for back up to meet him in the basement. Kyle followed at his heels. Ashlyn tried to sit up but found she could only summon the strength to half roll onto her side. 

She tried again, grunting with the effort. 

"Ashlyn," Chris said, walking to her side and putting his hands on her shoulders. "Hey, calm down." 

"No." Ashlyn argued weakly. "Fi… find ‘er." 

"Ted and Kyle will find her." Chris said firmly. "She's gonna be okay. But you're not if you don't lie back. You just woke up from a coma after being shot in the head. You have a fractured skull, okay? You're not in any condition to go anywhere right now."

Ashlyn lowered herself back against the pillows. It wasn't really out of any agreement with Chris, but she couldn't force her muscles to function any longer. 

\----

"Nice try." Dr. Spencer said calmly. "But hardly believable. I overheard your tearful admission at Lieutenant Harris's bedside." 

"You overheard me because I said it loudly with the door open." Ali explained. "Did it not occur to you I wanted to be overheard?" 

Dr. Spencer studied her face carefully. "You're good, Ali. I'll be honest I can't say for certain whether you were lying then or you're lying now. But considering you were glued to her bedside all this time, it’s safe to assume that you two care deeply about each other and there's no way Harris would ever put you in danger regardless. Anyway, judging from the conversation I had with my ex-wife a short time ago, you've been asking a few too many questions and getting far too many answers. Depending on who you've talked to, I might have to make my exit very quickly. I could always take you with me I suppose." 

"Except I'm not likely to go along quietly." She pointed out. 

"Oh I think you will." He said, brandishing the syringe once more. "You will only survive this virus if you get treatment. If I leave you locked in here, it's very unlikely anyone would find you in time. It's not a pleasant disease - it would be a very painful and lonely way to die. And what's to stop me from heading upstairs afterwards and slipping a little into Lieutenant Harris's IV? In her weakened condition do you really think she could survive it?"

"Fine.” She said, trembling with a mixture of fear and hatred. "I'll go with you. Do whatever you want with me, just leave Ashlyn alone." 

Dr. Spencer pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Good girl." He said. "This is what we're going to do. We're going to walk just like this out through the loading dock. If you try to scream or get away or signal to anyone, this syringe will be in your arm in an instant. Understand?" 

Ali nodded mutely.

Dr. Spencer looked anxiously around the lab, as if he were trying to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Just as he roughly jerked Ali toward the door, the handle rattled. 

When whoever it was found the door locked, they began banging on it, and Ted's voice bellowed, "Spencer, we know you're in there. Open the door!" 

Startled at the unexpected interruption, Dr. Spencer dropped his guard for a moment which was all Ali needed to twist free of his grasp. Recovering slightly, he lunged at her as Ali grabbed hold of the arm holding the syringe and jammed it as hard as she could against his chest. The needle penetrated the skin and before he had a chance to remove it, Ali hit the plunger with the palm of her hand, pushing it all the way in. 

Dr. Spencer stared at her wide-eyed and staggered backwards a step as someone kicked the door open and Ted and Kyle burst in. 

Raising his gun, Ted said, "John Spencer, you are under arrest for the murders of Mike Harris and Dr. Jacobs, as well as the attempted murder of Ashlyn Harris." 

Without lowering his weapon, he looked at one of the officers that had arrived and motioned in Spencer's direction with his head. Still stunned, Spencer did not resist as the officer jerked his hands behind his back and closed the cuffs around them. 

It was only after they were latched that he managed to stammer, "Wait. You need to take me upstairs. I need immediate medical attention." 

"Yeah right.” Kyle rolled his eyes, but Ted noticed for the first time the syringe still sticking out of his lab coat. 

"What was that?" He asked Ali. 

"He said it was a virus.” She said, her heart still pounding. 

"There really isn't time for this." Dr. Spencer said as beads of sweat formed on his face. 

"I guess you never planned on contracting it yourself.” Ted smiled at him. 

Dr. Spencer swayed and fell to his knees. "Please, I need…" 

Looking over his fallen form, Kyle made eye contact with Ali. "You okay?" 

"Yeah. He threatened me, but that was all. I'm fine." 

He nodded, relieved. "There's someone upstairs who wants to see you." 

She looked at him blankly for a moment before it occurred to her. “Ash?" 

Kyle gave her a small smile. "The one and only. She woke up a little while ago. She's the one who led us to you actually." 

"What?"

“I'll explain later. After I understand it myself." 

Ali turned a questioning look to her uncle, "Can I…?" 

"Go.” Ted told her with a paternal smile. "You can make your statement later." 

"Thank you!" She said as she sprinted to the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will probably be a bit slower from now on


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter because I sorta left it on a cliffhanger. Trying to keep things somewhat realistic... :/

Chapter 17

Ali opened the door to Ashlyn’s room to find Ashlyn’s mother and brother hovering around her bed. Chris noticed her first and she offered him a small smile. "They told me Ash woke up." She said, fighting back the tears which had sprung to her eyes. 

“Yeah, she just fell back asleep.” Chris informed her, then snorted. "But we practically had to sedate her to keep her from going after you herself." Sobering a little, he asked, "So they found you?" 

"Yeah.” Ali said as she approached the bed. “I'm fine." 

"And Spencer?" 

"In custody. Well sort of." She looked down at Ashlyn’s sleeping form and then shifted her gaze back to Chris. “I can’t believe she fell asleep before I got here.”

“She seemed really groggy but I’m sure she’ll wake up again soon enough.”

Ali nodded. “How was she?”

“She remembered me and seemed to understand what was going on, so that’s good.” Chris said, but then his face fell a bit and he hesitated before continuing. “She seemed to struggle speaking but I don’t know if that was just because she was weak or if it’s more serious. The neurologist is coming by later to run some tests.”

Ali took a moment to process this information. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to say. All she knew was that she needed to be with Ashlyn, and no matter what happened, she wouldn’t leave. 

"You know what?" Chris asked, starting toward the door. "I'll let Ted and the rest fill me in on what exactly went down." 

Taking his hint, Mrs. Harris stood up and said, "I'll leave you two alone. I know you have a lot to talk about." 

Even after they left, Ali stood there, unable to move forward. So much had happened, it was hard to take it all in. Finally, she took a deep breath and took a seat in the chair next to Ashlyn’s bed. She grasped Ashlyn’s hand in her own and waited patiently until finally, after what felt like forever, Ashlyn woke up again.

Ali felt tears well up in her eyes again as she moved to hover over Ashlyn, gently stroking her cheek. “Hey there.”

Ashlyn’s face lit up with recognition before it scrunched up in concentration as she focused on speaking. “You… o... kay?” 

"Am I okay?" Ali asked with a watery, relieved chuckle. "Yeah, I'm fine. You have no idea how good it feels to see those eyes looking back at me finally." 

Ashlyn’s lips curled up into a small smile, and Ali felt her heart flutter in her chest. She never knew how much she truly loved the sight of Ashlyn smiling until she almost lost her. As cliché as it sounded. 

"I heard your voice. You called me. You sounded afraid, that's why I rushed over here and then Dr. Spencer told me that you-" 

Ashlyn shook her head. "Sc’ed for you. La’a... told me... But l led you to Sp… Spe-" 

"Hey...” Ali whispered when she noticed her getting frustrated. She tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach caused by how much effort it was taking Ashlyn to string together a sentence. "It’s okay. And no you didn't. He just happened to find me. And it doesn't matter anyway. I'm fine. And you're going to be fine. Although your hairstyle may never recover. I don't know if you've seen yourself but some of the right side of your head had to be shaved." 

Ashlyn blinked slowly. “I’ll live wi… it.”

"Living being the key word." Ali said tenderly. Hesitating she continued, "You said Lara. Ash, what are you talking about? Did she tell you where to find me?" 

Ashlyn’s head slowly moved up and down. “It s’nds c... azy..."

"Most things with us are." Ali said with a small smile. "So much has happened in the last few days... but we can talk about all of that later. I don't want you wearing yourself out."

She sighed as she looked down at Ashlyn whose energy seemed to be declining rapidly already. “The neurologist is coming to see you later so you should get some rest. Your body is still recovering. I’ll still be here when you wake up.” She continued to stroke Ashlyn’s cheek as she stared into her eyes, her emotions getting the best of her again. “But before I let you pass out on me again I need you to know something.”

“Ali…”

“No, Ash, I have to say this.” Ali swallowed as she tried to find the right words to express herself. “I was an idiot before. I was so scared of losing you and I didn’t want to put myself in a position where you had too much control over my heart… where you had the ability to break it beyond repair… I thought that if I didn’t tell you that I loved you and something went wrong between us, it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

A tear fell onto Ashlyn’s cheek and Ali gently wiped it away. 

“I’m so sorry, baby. It wasn’t until I almost did lose you that I realized how stupid it was to let those fears control my life. Watching you like that, sitting here next to you, hoping you’d wake up… it made me regret never telling you how much you mean to me.” She paused for a moment, searching Ashlyn’s face, feeling her heart swell at the warmth she found in those hazel eyes. “I love you, Ash. I should’ve told you sooner, but I’m telling you now. I love so much. I want to be with you.”

Ashlyn let out a shaky breath as she searched for Ali’s hand. She held it tightly and clasped it to her chest. “Love you.”

“God, I missed you so much.” Ali choked out.

Ashlyn tugged on her hand, bringing her closer. Ali got the hint and leaned closer until her face was hovering inches away from Ashlyn’s. Tenderly, still in wonder that she had this opportunity, Ali brought their lips together.

Almost as if cued, the sound of someone clearing their throat brought them back to the outside world. 

"Sorry to interrupt." Ted said with a smile as Ali pulled away guiltily. "I just thought you both should know that Spencer's being treated a couple of rooms down. We have guards on him, but I doubt they'll be needed. He's not going anywhere for a while." 

"And I don't want to be a party pooper…” Chris said, sticking his head in behind Ted. "But she really does need her rest." 

"I was ‘sleep for d... days.” Ashlyn protested, despite how drained she felt. 

"Listen to your brother.” Ali scolded her playfully. "He's right. I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up."

“Okay.” Ashlyn murmured, squeezing Ali’s hand as she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.

\-----

When the neurologist stopped by later, Ali and Chris watched nervously as he talked to Ashlyn.

"Ashlyn, I'm going to ask you to do some things for me. It’s okay if we can’t do them all right now. I know you’re probably tired. It will most likely be a while before you’ll start being awake for long periods of time.” Dr. Pierce paused to assess Ashlyn’s reaction before continuing. “That is normal for someone who just emerged from a coma so don’t be too hard on yourself and don't feel pressured… Alright?"

Ashlyn nodded slowly in understanding.

Dr. Pierce smiled and pulled a small hammer out of his coat pocket. "Let’s start by testing your reflexes. Please let me know if you feel any discomfort."

He started jabbing Ashlyn’s knees and elbows and asked her to wiggle her feet and toes. Ashlyn kept her eyes closed as she did as told, and Ali watched anxiously from the side, wishing she could hold her hand. 

“Very good, Ashlyn. Now tell me, are you experiencing any pain?”

Ashlyn opened her eyes and kept them fixed on the doctor as she lifted her hand to her head.

"Your head. That's to be expected.” He gave her a sympathetic smile. “A fractured skull is no walk in the park. This type of injury takes time to heal and I’m sorry to say that it can be very painful." He paused again to make sure that Ashlyn was listening. "You seem to understand everything I’ve said so far. Correct?" 

Ashlyn nodded. She was relieved that her memory was intact and her body seemed to function alright. But her mind felt fuzzy from all the medication and it scared her that even with the amount of it they gave her, it wasn't enough to ease the pain in her head. 

Ali looked worriedly at the doctor. "Her speech... is that just because she just woke up?" 

He didn’t reply right away, noticing that Ashlyn seemed to be tiring. “Okay, that’s enough for today, Ashlyn. You should get some rest. I'll be back to see you tomorrow." 

Once Ashlyn had fallen asleep, Dr. Pierce led Ali and Chris outside to talk to them.

"There’s a lot of good news." He began. "Ashlyn’s reflexes all responded well and she had a good understanding of my questions.” He paused and regarded the anxious faces watching him. "She seems to understand everything that's going on around her which is a very positive sign. However, I can’t say anything for sure until I’ve run more tests. I'm still waiting for the MRI images, but the CT scans show that there may be mild damage to an area of the right hemisphere - that's where the language centers of her brain are located."

“What does that mean?” Ali asked worriedly.

“It means that she may have trouble with sarcasm, metaphors, idiomatic expressions..."

"And what about her speech?" Ali asked the same question as before. “She was slurring her words. Is it because of the meds?” 

Dr. Pierce cleared his throat. "Honestly, it’s still too early to tell. The bullet impacted the right side of her skull and the speech center is located on the left side of her brain, but due to the swelling there may be some bruising that is causing the problems with her speech. As the swelling reduces, so will her headaches and hopefully, her speech will improve too."

Ali felt her heart stop at the thought of Ashlyn being in pain. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.

“So we just have to wait?” Chris asked, not liking the sound of that.

Dr. Pierce sighed. “Tomorrow I’ll have your sister do some reading and writing exercises in order to better assess her ability to communicate. But like I said, it is difficult to know what may be a result of the swelling and pain medication, and what may be actual damage.”

Chris gave him a serious look. “Let’s be real here for a moment. What does your instinct tell you?”

"I'd say that the odds of Ashlyn surviving such a serious brain injury without experiencing some difficulty in terms of communication are slim.”

Ali took a sharp breath. "But it can improve, right?" 

The doctor gave her a small smile. "Yes with therapy. But I need to see the full extent of her limitations first. I'm very sorry but you're just going to have to be patient."

\----

The next day, Ashlyn seemed to show some sign of improvement. She was able to stay awake for almost half an hour at a time, and when she was awake, she seemed more alert. Her head still hurt but she was able to almost fully sit upright without feeling dizzy.

Chris had to work and Mrs. Harris had gone home for a few hours, but Ali stayed by Ashlyn’s side the entire time, and she was there when Dr. Pierce stopped by.

"Hello Ashlyn.” He greeted her with a smile. “You up for some more tests?" 

Ashlyn nodded.

"Let’s start by having you write down your name for me." Dr. Pierce placed a pad of paper and a pen on the empty food tray. 

Ali hovered close to Ashlyn, watching as she scribbled her name on the paper. It was hard for her to see Ashlyn like this, so unlike herself. While she was usually so confident and independent, she now almost seemed… lost.

"Great. Now try the national anthem, please." 

Ashlyn frowned at him but didn’t protest. It took her several minutes but she completed the task. 

After a few more exercises, the doctor moved away from the writing stuff and made her read out loud a paragraph from a book. Ashlyn thought she did a fine job but what sounded fine in her head, didn’t always match what came out of her mouth. Ali watched the whole thing with a painful grimace. By the time Ashlyn was done, she was exhausted. 

Dr. Pierce left her to rest and led Ali outside to talk.

"And?" Ali asked, eager to know what he thought.

"She did alright. Obviously she’s still experiencing some slurring but I am confident that we will see improvement once the swelling in her brain goes down. I know it may be frustrating or painful to watch, but please bear with her. She’s been through a lot and it’s important that we create stability for her.”

Ali nodded but she was still worried. "She will recover though, right?" 

“It may take some time, but yes I feel confident in that.” Dr. Pierce told her. “Just keep in mind that she may not always be aware of her mistakes and it’s okay to correct her but make sure to keep encouraging her. We don’t want her to feel intimidated.” 

“Yes, of course.” Ali agreed, trying to process everything she had just been told. “Whatever it takes.”

\----

The next couple of days were hard. 

Ted had come by to take both of their statements. It had taken a while for Ashlyn to relay everything that had happened and afterwards, she had promptly passed out. Ted had pulled Ali aside to talk to her.

“I just wanted to say that I understand if you won’t be back to work anytime soon.” He said, squeezing her shoulder. “Ashlyn needs your support right now.”

Ali let out a sigh of relief, happy that he understood. “Thanks.”

“How’s she doing?”

Ali tiredly rubbed her forehead. “Honestly? I’m just glad that I have her back. Yeah, she may have a hard road ahead of her but I plan on sticking with her all the way. It just sucks to see her like this, you know?”

Ted nodded sympathetically. “It’ll be okay, kid.”

Ali could only hope that he was right.

The swelling in Ashlyn’s brain had gone down and the doctors were optimistic, but she was still faced with difficulties. She did speech exercises every day but they wore her out, and Ali could tell she was getting frustrated. Then there were the headaches...

"You okay, Ash?" She asked anxiously as she watched Ashlyn lean back against her pillow. “You in pain?”

Ashlyn glanced at her. "Give me... a min't." 

The truth was that her head was hurting again. She just didn’t want to admit it. Ali, however, could tell by the decline in her speech. Tiredness worsened the effects of her brain injury and when Ashlyn had reached her limit, it could bring on more pain.

After the pounding in her head had reduced itself to a dull thud, Ashlyn released a deep breath and sank further against her mattress, her eyes closed, unable to suppress a noise of pain.

“Ash…” Ali murmured, unsure of what to do. “Should I get the doctor?”

Ali hated feeling so helpless. In moments like these, Ashlyn didn’t seem to want her comfort and sometimes painkillers couldn’t seem to reach her, either. All she could do was lie still and wait until the pain passed or she passed out because of it. 

“Ashlyn please tell me what to do.” Ali reached for Ashlyn’s hand, but Ashlyn pulled away from her. She sighed and fought back her tears, feeling useless and afraid.

\-----

It was definitely a shitty week. 

Ashlyn continued to push Ali away as she struggled, and Ali didn’t know what to do. Chris told her to be patient and give Ashlyn time, but Ali felt like things were only getting worse instead of better. She thought that things would start looking up after Ashlyn woke up, but the opposite seemed true. Now she felt like she had been naive in her initial assumptions. Ashlyn’s body had gone through something terribly traumatic. It was unrealistic to think that things would go back to normal just like that. 

That day, she walked into Ashlyn’s room to find her in the middle of a really bad headache. The doctors called them 'attacks', and Ali could see why.

"Ashlyn?" She asked in concern, seeing Ashlyn with one hand covering her eyes, the other pressed against her head. "Babe, have you called the nurse? How long has this been going on?"

She wished she had never left to go freshen up. 

"It will go... make… away." 

Ali cringed at the random word in Ashlyn’s sentence. It happened sometimes. Dr. Pierce and the speech therapist had told them not to correct her when she got like this, though, not wanting to aggravate her, so instead, Ali walked back into the hallway to get the nurse.

Fifteen minutes later, when the pain medication began to do its work, Ashlyn was finally able to remove her hands. She opened her eyes, although she still felt a bit nauseous and out of it.

"Ali?" She called softly, upset and overwhelmed. 

"I'm here, baby.” Ali tried to soothe her. “It’s okay. Try not to move." 

“I’m sorry.” Ashlyn began to cry a little. She didn’t want any of this. She didn’t want to put Ali through this. She didn’t mean to push her away. She was just frustrated with herself and the situation in general. But her thoughts were all jumbled and it was hard to voice her feelings.

“Oh Ash…” Ali sat down on the side of her bed, her heart breaking at the miserable look on Ashlyn’s face. She stroked her girlfriend’s cheek, relishing the fact that Ashlyn seemed to find comfort in her touch. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I know it’s frustrating but it’ll get better. You went through something major. You need to give yourself time to heal.”

“You don’t de… deserve t’is.” Ashlyn mumbled.

Ali frowned. “What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere. I lost you once and I won’t let it happen again.”

Ashlyn’s eyes searched her face for a moment before she turned away from her. “I’m tired.”

Ali swallowed back her tears as Ashlyn physically and mentally withdrew from her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments

Chapter 18

A few more days had passed and things had gotten a little better. Ashlyn wasn’t as tired as before, and she had easily passed further tests to asses her hand and eye coordination. The swelling in her brain had gone down to a minimum and Dr. Pierce had told her that she could go home once her headaches weren’t so bad, or at least more manageable. 

Not everything was going so well, though. Ashlyn’s speech hadn’t improved as much as the doctors had hoped and now that things weren’t as fuzzy as before, Ashlyn had become more aware of her slurring and the nonsensical words that came spilling out every now and then. It scared her but she didn’t want to share her worries with anyone, and as a result, she had become more withdrawn and quiet. Not being able to control what came out of her mouth made her feel helpless and she feared for her future. 

How could she do her job properly if she could barely talk? 

Nobody would take her seriously.

Then there was Ali.

Ali had barely left her side, despite how much Ashlyn pushed her away. Ashlyn felt guilty - not just about how she kept treating Ali, but also about the situation in general. She didn’t want Ali to feel obligated to stick around. What if she never fully recovered? She couldn’t do that to her. She was convinced that it was only a matter of time before Ali would realize that too and then she would leave her. 

All these thoughts plagued Ashlyn’s mind at night, too, and she hadn’t been sleeping well. Dr. Pierce had told her that insomnia wasn’t an uncommon side-effect of a brain injury like hers, and that there was also the medication to consider. Ashlyn understood, but it didn’t make things any easier. The lack of sleep made her slurred speech worse which stressed her out which, in turn, negatively impacted her mood. She could suddenly become very irritable and sometimes she had uncharacteristic outbursts of anger. 

These outbursts were mostly directed at Ali and Chris since they were around most, and Ashlyn always felt so awful afterwards that she could hardly bring herself to face them so instead, she pushed them away even more. It was a circle that she was stuck in. She felt alone and discouraged, and not only took it more and more effort from her speech therapist to get her to talk, she also needed more prompting in regular conversations. 

Ali felt alone and discouraged too, but for an entirely different reason. It broke her heart to see Ashlyn struggle so much, knowing how much it scared the usually calm and composed woman even if she wouldn’t admit it, and it hurt even more that she couldn’t do anything to make things better. 

No matter how many times she told Ashlyn that she wasn’t going anywhere, Ashlyn didn’t seem to believe her and Ali didn’t know how to get through to her. The roles were reversed this time. Ashlyn had built a wall around herself, and Ali didn’t know how to break it down. She kept telling herself that Ashlyn just needed time and that things would get better, but she was terrified that she would lose Ashlyn for good.

\-----

Ashlyn sat anxiously in Ali’s truck. 

She bounced her leg up and down as she stared outside. She tried to hide her nerves from Ali as she drove her home, but she still noticed. She was fidgety and she hadn’t said a word since they left the hospital. Ali chatted softly to her to try to put her at ease but Ashlyn barely responded.

Ashlyn didn’t know why she was so nervous. When she was in the hospital, all she wanted was to go home but now that she was, she couldn’t help but be scared. Everything felt realer somehow. 

Finally, Ali pulled up her truck in front of Ashlyn’s apartment building and Ashlyn took a deep breath before getting out. Ali was at her side a second later.

“Come on.” The brunette mumbled as she took Ashlyn’s hand, and while Ashlyn was thankful for her presence, she couldn’t even a muster a small smile in return.

Ashlyn fumbled with her keys for a moment before she unlocked the door to her apartment. She stepped inside first and stood there awkwardly, taking everything in as Ali hovered behind her. The place was still in the same disarray as before, and Ashlyn felt her chest tighten as she was reminded of all the hours she had spent there, looking into her dad’s case, missing Ali, slowly falling apart. 

Ali sensed the change in Ashlyn’s mood as she softly closed the door behind her, and she wished that she had cleaned up a bit before Ashlyn was discharged. Placing her hand on the small of the blonde’s back, she sighed sadly when she felt her tense up ever so slightly. “It’s okay, Ash.”

Ashlyn swallowed audibly. “I’m sorry.”

Ali frowned. She didn’t know what Ashlyn was apologizing for, but she was too afraid to ask. 

“You should get some rest.” She said and guided Ashlyn towards the bedroom. She got her a glass of water and fished the bottle of pain medicine that the doctor had prescribed out of her pocket before handing a pill to Ashlyn. Ashlyn swallowed the pill with a few gulps of water and thanked her quietly, placing the glass on the bedside table.

Ali smiled softly as Ashlyn sat down on the side of the bed, and knelt down before her, staring up at her. “Ash, I know you don’t want to hear this, but things will get better.” She said calmly, hoping that Ashlyn would believe her this time. “You just have to give yourself-”

“Time.” Ashlyn finished the sentence for her. “I know. You told me.”

Ali sighed and placed her hands on the other woman’s thighs. “I’m sorry that you’re going through this but you’re not alone. You can talk to me. You’re my girlfriend and I want to be here for you.”

Ashlyn looked down at her lap, a guilty expression spreading across her face. It was an expression that Ali had become all too familiar with. She let out another sigh, afraid that this was going to be another one-sided conversation.

“Ashlyn, why won’t you just talk to me?” She almost pleaded, not caring about how desperate she sounded. “I know you’re hurting, but I don't know how to be there for you because you refuse to open up to me. It took me a while but I eventually shared all my feelings with you and I wish you would do the same.”

“It's just… hard.” Ashlyn admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I know, honey.” Ali offered her a sad smile, taking her hands in her own. “I understand that this is something that is incredibly difficult to accept and you should be able to do that at your own pace. There are no guidelines when it comes to dealing with this. It's completely okay to have moments in which you feel angry and upset with everything and everyone in the world, but I just need you to communicate with me and let me know what you’re thinking."

“It's hard.” Ashlyn repeated.

Ali pursed her lips in thought before speaking again. "If you want to give up then that's totally up to you. I can't force you to do anything. But why would you give up when you've come this far?" She paused and searched Ashlyn's eyes, looking for a sign that her words were having an effect on her. "I love you, Ashlyn, and I hate seeing you like this."

Ashlyn kept her eyes fixed on their joined hands and took a deep breath. “I’m… sca... scared.”

Ali’s breathing faltered slightly as her emotions got the best of her. She tightened her grip on Ashlyn’s hands. It felt like they were finally getting somewhere.

“Of what?” She pressed gently, eagerly, as Ashlyn blinked tiredly. Ali felt bad for continuing the conversation when it was clear by the increase in Ashlyn’s slurring that the medication was beginning to kick in, but she needed to know. 

“You don’t… blue… have to stay.” Ashlyn squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. She couldn't seem to find the right words to explain herself. “I’m not wo… wort’ it.”

Ali’s breath hitched in shock, her mouth dropping open. “Ashlyn…” She cleared her throat when her voice cracked. “Ashlyn, that’s not true. You’re more than worth it. I know that you're scared of losing me but you don't have to be. I love you too much to let you go. I’m not going to walk away just because things are hard right now.” 

Ashlyn looked at her for a moment, and then Ali noticed that her entire body began to slump with exhaustion. She breathed out slowly, knowing that their conversation was over. 

“You should try to get some sleep.” Ali tucked some strands of hair behind her girlfriend’s ear before standing up straight. 

Ashlyn nodded and crawled under the covers. Ali watched her for a while and then placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before tiptoeing out of the room and closing the door behind her, figuring she could clean up a bit while Ashlyn slept.

\----

A few days later, Ali stood in the doorway, watching an infuriated Ashlyn throw herself onto the couch. "Ali, I told you that I'm fine! You don’t need to moon be here all day. You can go back to phone work.” 

Ali took a deep breath, trying to stay calm and not lose her patience. Ashlyn had been like this since she had picked her up from speech therapy earlier that day. “Just calm down, Ashlyn. You're obviously not fine and I'm not letting you kick me out." 

Ashlyn’s eyes flashed with anger and her jaw clenched so tightly Ali feared it would snap. "I don’t need you to plant look after me! I'm not a child!" 

"You’re right. You’re not a child. But I’m sorry if three nonsense words in just a few sentences doesn’t make me feel too confident about your recovery!” As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She had been too caught up in her emotions to even realize what she had said until her ears were met with silence. “Ash…” 

Ashlyn looked as if someone had slapped her in the face. Her cheeks turned red and her eyes shifted downwards. She became silent and sagged further against the couch, her anger vanishing in an instant as she deflated.

“Ash, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Ali moved to sit on the armrest of the couch. 

Ashlyn didn’t even look at her. “It’s true.”

Ali sighed, wishing she could take back her words. Ashlyn was already insecure enough as it was and she had probably just made things worse. She was supposed to encourage her, not make her feel bad about herself.

“Babe, I didn’t-”

Before she had the chance to continue, Ashlyn suddenly moaned in pain and reached up to place her hand on her head. Wordlessly, Ali opened the bottle that was standing on the coffee table and handed Ashlyn a couple of pills. She then got up and closed the curtains before sitting down in the chair across from Ashlyn; watching her silently.

She wished that she could do more but she couldn’t. The attacks had gotten less frequent and they often didn’t last as long, but they were still as painful as they had been back at the hospital, and Ali felt helpless. 

It took almost 15 minutes before Ashlyn felt okay enough to speak.

"I'm sorry, Ali." She whispered, her hands still pressed to her temple and eyes.

"Don’t apologize.” Ali replied just as softly, not moving. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

"I deserved it." 

Ali tiredly rubbed her eyes, unsure of what to say.

“Ali?”

“Yeah?”

Ashlyn released a deep breath before speaking again. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do.”

Ali frowned, suddenly more alert. She leaned forwards a bit, but didn’t get up, wanting to give Ashlyn her space. 

“What do you mean? You’re going to get better and then you’ll go back to work.” 

She watched as Ashlyn lowered her hands and slowly opened her eyes, squinting at her through the darkness. Even with her features twisted into a grimace, Ali could see the doubt on her face. “You believe that?” She asked softly.

“Ashlyn, you survived a gunshot wound to the head and woke up from a coma. You’re not going to throw away your career because of some slurred speech and nonsense words, are you?”

Ashlyn peered back at her through tired eyes, but didn’t say anything.

Ali sighed and finally got up to move closer to Ashlyn, sitting down in front of her on the coffee table. “You will get better, Ash.” She said confidently. Ashlyn looked so sad and tired, and it made Ali want to pull her into her arms and hold her, but she knew that wouldn’t help. “Your speech has already improved so much. You only slur or use random words when you’re tired, upset, or trying to talk too fast.”

Ashlyn bit her lip and nodded slowly, but she still didn’t seem entirely convinced. Ali knew that it would take a while for her to regain her confidence.

“You’re the strongest woman I know.” Ali added softly, placing a comforting hand on Ashlyn’s knee. “I almost lost you and that scared me so much. But you’re still here. Yes not everything is perfect, but at least you’re still here. You’re still with me. It could’ve been so much worse.”

Ashlyn smiled a bit. Her head still hurt, her speech wasn’t flawless, and she was tired. But at least she had Ali and, as she looked into those loving brown eyes, she realized that nothing or no one was more important to her than Ali.

She covered the brunette’s hand with her own. “I promise I won’t give up.” She said and meant it.

\-----

Things started looking up after that. Ashlyn’s speech continued to improve, and little by little, she started to find her confidence again. She slept better and wasn’t so tired anymore. She still had headaches every now and then, her doctor had told her that they may never entirely go away, but they appeared far less often and were far more manageable.

Ali had gone back to work, but she had cut back her hours and still stayed at Ashlyn’s place. It wasn’t that she didn’t think that Ashlyn could take care of herself, she just didn’t want to be without her. Almost losing her had been quite traumatizing and she didn’t even realize how clingy she was being until Ashlyn had had enough.

“Hang on, let me do it.” She said as Ashlyn moved to make herself a sandwich. 

“No, that’s okay.” Ashlyn mumbled. She loved that Ali was so sweet to her but she had always been a very independent person.

“Are you sure?” Ali asked, eager to help. “You had a headache just last night. You must be tired.”

“I'm fine, Ali!” Ashlyn snapped, letting her frustration get the best of her. Ali's face fell and Ashlyn instantly felt guilty. She sighed and ran her hand through her hair, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry." 

Ali averted her gaze to her feet, looking a bit taken aback.

Ashlyn felt awful. She took a step closer to Ali and cupped her cheek, tilting her face back up. “I know that you're just trying to help. It's very sweet. I just need you to give me some room to breathe.”

Ali’s shoulders drooped dejectedly and she stepped away from Ashlyn, hanging her head in embarrassment. "Oh." She said softly. "I'm sorry."

“Don’t be.” Ashlyn offered her a small smile. “Like I said, I really app.... appreciate you being here but I'm feeling a lot better."

“That’s good. It's just that…"

“What?” Ashlyn frowned when Ali trailed off.

Ali fumbled to find the right words. ”It's just that… if you don’t need me to take care of you anymore, then I don’t really have a reason to stay here and maybe I don’t want to go home yet.” She paused and shook her head. “I realize how incredibly selfish that sounds but I can't help it. I just really like being here with you.”

“Babe…” Ashlyn whispered, completely taken by surprise. She had been dreading the day Ali would go back to her lodge ever since she had been released from the hospital. The thought of not waking up next to her girlfriend every day anymore made her sad. 

Ali shook her head again and blinked back the tears that were burning in her eyes, her face red with shame. "It's stupid." She turned around and walked away from Ashlyn. “Let’s just forget about it.”

Ashlyn felt her heart clench in her chest at how small Ali’s voice sounded. She quickly followed her and stepped in front of her, cutting off her path. "Can we talk about this?" She asked softly, placing her hand on Ali's arm. "It’s not stupid and you're not selfish, either.”

Ali refused to look at her. "Can we just forget that this conversation ever happened?"

"No." Ashlyn said firmly, rubbing her hand up and down Ali's arm soothingly. Ali's eyes hesitantly flickered up to meet Ashlyn's warm hazel ones. She looked so vulnerable, and Ashlyn hated seeing her like this. "Move in with me."

Ali crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "You don't have to ask me just to make me feel better, Ashlyn."

"That's not… what I'm doing." Ashlyn told her hurriedly, her eyes widening a bit with panic. "I wanted to as- ask you for a wh- while now but…”

“Hey, slow down.” Ali said gently. "Don't rush."

Ashlyn nodded and took a deep breath before continuing more calmly. 

“I didn't think you'd want to.” She said with a sheepish smile. "You mean the world to me, Ali, and I want to be around you all the time."

Ali was silent for a moment before she quietly asked, "Really?"

"You know that I wouldn't lie to you." Ashlyn replied. "So, what do you say? Will you move in with me?"

"Yes." Ali said before a huge smile spread across her face. She sighed happily when Ashlyn pulled her into a hug, and nuzzled her nose against her girlfriend’s neck. “I love you more than words can describe.”

Ashlyn pulled back and looked at her with a shy grin. “Words give me trouble too sometimes.”

Ali let out a soft chuckle and leaned in to kiss her.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Ali was pulled from her sleep by the feeling of soft, little kisses being placed all over her face. She suppressed a smile and rested her hand on Ashlyn’s back, not opening her eyes just yet. It had been almost a week since Ashlyn had asked her to move in and she couldn't be happier. She still needed to move most of her stuff but Kyle and Chris would help her with that. 

She sighed and blinked a few times before slowly cracking her eyes open. She couldn’t stop a smile from finding its way to her lips when she immediately found herself drowning in the most gorgeous shades of hazel. "Hi."

“Good morning, babe.” Ashlyn returned the smile.

Ali ran her hand through Ashlyn’s messy hair in an attempt to smooth it down. “How long have you been awake?”

"A while." Ashlyn replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Why didn't you wake me up?”

“You looked too cute so I just watched you sleep.”

Ali smirked a bit. “That would sound creepy coming from anyone else, but it's kind of cute coming from you.”

Ashlyn smiled tenderly and just looked at her for a moment, her eyes sparkling with nothing but adoration.

"What?" Ali asked shyly.

“Nothing.” Ashlyn mumbled, bringing her hand to Ali's cheek, letting her thumb lightly trace her girlfriend's bottom lip. “You're beautiful, that's all.”

Ali blushed slightly and reached up to place her hand on the back of Ashlyn's neck, guiding her down until their lips met. She felt Ashlyn smile into the kiss and a warm feeling spread through her body as she slightly tilted her head. They parted and Ali played with the soft hairs at the nape of Ashlyn's neck for a moment before she spoke again, "What do you want to do today?"

Ashlyn chewed on her bottom lip as she thought the question over. Her eyes lit up when an idea hit her. “Let’s go on a picnic like we did before all this crazy stuff went down.”

“A picnic?” Ali repeated with a hint of a smile. “Where?"

Ashlyn's face scrunched up in thought and Ali's smile widened; Ashlyn was just too adorable sometimes. "Hm, somewhere else this time." The blonde said. “You know a good spot?”

“I guess.” Ali sighed as she snuggled further under the covers and closed her eyes.

“No, don't fall back asleep.” Ashlyn whined and Ali could hear the pout in her voice. She felt soft lips graze the skin of her cheek before a delicate kiss was pressed to the corner of her mouth. “Come on, sleepyhead. I'll make you coffee.”

Ali groaned and forced her eyes open. “Okay but I'm going to take a shower first.”

Ashlyn grinned in satisfaction and climbed off her. 

About ten minutes later, Ali walked into the kitchen where a cup of coffee was already waiting for her on the counter. She smiled at Ashlyn who was busy making sandwiches for their picnic and pecked her on the cheek. “Thanks, babe.”

Ali took a seat and let out a content sigh. It felt nice to just be, sipping her coffee and enjoying the relaxing atmosphere. She propped her face up with her hand as she leaned her elbow against the counter and watched Ashlyn for a moment. 

"Stop staring at me." Ashlyn said after a while, glancing at her over her shoulder. "It's creepy."

"Says the person who was watching me sleep." Ali countered with a smirk.

About an hour later, they were walking through a wooded area up the hills in search of the spot that would be perfect for their picnic. Ali knew exactly where it was and soon she saw the opening that would lead them to where they needed to be. She tightened her hold on Ashlyn's hand and guided her through the area that was overgrown with bushes and thick trees. Finally, they reached the open spot that overlooked the town and Ashlyn smiled. It was beautiful.

She gave Ali's hand a soft squeeze before she let go of it. She took off her backpack to grab the blanket that they had brought and handed it to Ali who spread it out on the grass. They both sat down and Ashlyn rummaged through her backpack again and pulled out several sandwiches wrapped in foil. They both picked one and started to eat.

“It's really perfect out here.” Ashlyn said after a while.

Ali nodded in agreement. "It's so quiet and peaceful."

"How did you find this spot?" Ashlyn asked.

"My mom showed it to me once." Ali said softly. The way Ali's eyes turned sad whenever her parents were mentioned never failed to break Ashlyn's heart. She moved closer to her girlfriend until their knees were touching. Ali smiled a bit at the small gesture. "We used to go hiking here every now and then, just the two of us."

"Do you not mind coming back here?" Ashlyn asked, taking a sip of her water.

Ali shook her head. "There was a time when I tried to avoid anything that reminded me of my parents because it hurt too much, but now I feel like I’ve accepted it." She paused before adding, “You helped me a lot.”

Ashlyn offered her a warm smile. “I was just there to support you.”

“Yeah but no one's ever done that before.” Ali said as she finished eating.

Ashlyn looked at her for a second before saying, “I’m glad things are calmer now.”

“Me too.” Ali replied softly. “They were definitely crazy, weren’t they?”

“Yeah.” Ashlyn breathed out, looking at the remainder of her sandwich before slowly putting it down. 

Ali eyed her worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

“I'm sorry.” 

Ali frowned, confusion evident in her eyes. "What for?"

“I'm sorry for dragging you into my problems.” Ashlyn explained quietly as her eyes glazed over. She looked genuinely upset with herself and Ali's heart skipped a beat out of shock, her lips parting slightly and her eyebrows furrowing. Ashlyn's eyes glanced away from hers. "It feels like we haven't had the chance to just be us because there's always something new standing in our way."

Ali tried to say something but her throat refused to work properly. She licked her suddenly dry lips and swallowed before trying again. "Ash," She began, her voice coming out in a whisper. “What happened with Spencer wasn’t your fault. Do I wish you had told me about what was going on sooner? Absolutely. But what’s done is done and we need to look forward."

Ashlyn sighed. “Like I told Ted in my statement, I was so close to catching the bastard. One of the cops from DC he was paying off admitted to it. I found that out the day before… you know… and I was just trying to get together a little more concrete evidence because I knew it had to be airtight."

Ali nodded; Ashlyn had told her this before. “I know. That's why Spencer tried to kill you. But you never told me why you went to the docks that night?”

“Sarah called me." Ashlyn said, trying to piece it all together for Ali. They had talked about all that had happened after Ashlyn woke up but never in great detail, wanting to focus on her recovery first. "She said that Spencer had gone crazy and wanted to hurt her. I went down there... I had to…" 

Ali nodded, not thrilled with the idea of Ashlyn running to anyone’s rescue without backup, but understanding her nature well enough to know why she did it. "Spencer was blackmailing her. She confessed. And David told us a lot of what happened back then." Ali filled in the blanks.

Ashlyn picked at some grass. "Maybe my dad can rest in peace now. Spencer will go to jail."

"If he ever wakes up. Uncle Ted said it still doesn’t look good and it’s been a while.”

Ashlyn’s jaw clenched slightly. “I want to see his sorry ass rotting behind bars.”

“I know, baby.”

Ashlyn took a breath before speaking again, more calmly. “I told you I saw Lara, right?”

“Yeah…”

“I also saw you and your son.” 

Ali stared at her, bewildered. “What?”

"I saw you… at the beach… with a little boy.” Ashlyn said quietly as she nervously tugged at the hem of her sweatshirt, and Ali could tell she was getting upset. “He was your son but not mine. You had moved on with someone else.”

Ali frowned sadly and placed her hand on Ashlyn’s thigh. “Ash, I don’t know what to say.”

“You mentioned me but I wasn't there with you. I wanted to be but I couldn't get to you.”

"Well, maybe that was just what you needed to motivate you to come back to me." Ali suggested gently.

"I don't know." Ashlyn said, staring off into space, still trying to grasp this. "I tried but it didn't work. And when I saw Lara I thought she was there to take me with her and I told her I couldn't leave you but I couldn't man… manage to wake myself up.”

Ali rubbed her hand up and down Ashlyn’s thigh, trying to calm her a bit. “But you did wake up.”

“Not until she told me that you were in danger and I needed to save you.” Ashlyn said and then shook her head, almost dismissively. “When I saw you with that boy… I kept won- wondering if you were happy.”

Ali was silent for a long time as she tried to gather her thoughts. “Lie down with me.”

“What?” 

“Come on.” Ali smirked a bit when Ashlyn shot her a confused look but followed her lead anyway, snuggling together on the blanket; Ashlyn on her back with Ali curled around her, head resting on her chest and hand spread on her stomach, legs tangled together. 

“I wish we could stay here forever." Ashlyn said, sounding more relaxed already.

“Me too.” Ali closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of Ashlyn gently brushing her fingers through her hair. "Wanna know something?”

"Sure.” Ashlyn placed a feather-light kiss on her forehead.

"I don’t mean to get all sappy and stuff but I honestly can't picture a future without you in it." 

Ashlyn instinctively tightened her arms around Ali, shuddering at the thought of a life without her. “Really?” 

"Yep.” Ali said so casually that it made Ashlyn smile a bit because it was so unlike the Ali she had first met and it reminded her of how far they had come. "I never thought I’d say this but I want the whole happy family thing. I want to make you my wife someday, buy a big house and have kids. I want it all, with you."

Ashlyn blinked back her tears. "Really?"

“Is that all you can say?” Ali teased, poking her in the stomach.

“No.”

Ali pulled herself up so that she was hovering over the younger woman. “Good.”

"I want that too." Ashlyn said once she was able to look into Ali’s eyes. "I’m really happy right now."

"Me too." 

"So… a family, huh?" Ashlyn asked with a hint of a smirk in her voice. Ali blushed a little and Ashlyn chuckled in adoration, teasingly nudging the brunette's cheek with her nose before kissing the spot delicately. “Puppy included? How many children do you want?”

"Woah I didn’t say anything about a puppy." Ali laughed.

Ashlyn gazed at her lovingly. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Ali asked.

"How do you always know exactly what to say to make me feel better?"

"Because I know you." Ali ran her thumb over Ashlyn's cheek before she leaned down to kiss her softly. "And because I love you."

Ashlyn smiled. "I love you too." 

\----

A few days later, Ashlyn was cleared to go back to work. Ali knew that she was nervous about it, despite her many attempts to reassure her that everything would be fine. Her speech had improved so much that she didn’t need to see her speech therapist anymore, and if she did struggle with her words or didn’t understand something, nobody would judge her. But still, Ashlyn was worried.

Ashlyn leaned against the counter in the kitchen, watching Ali move around. The brunette had already started on the dishes while Ashlyn was showing Kyle and Darren out. They had helped moving some of Ali’s stuff and then stayed over for dinner.

She bit her lip in contemplation before stepping forward. "Dinner was great. Thank you."

Ali looked up at the sound of Ashlyn's voice, giving her a small smile. "No problem."

"I'm sorry I forgot some of the groceries." Ashlyn said quietly as she picked up a dish towel. "I must've been distracted."

"You've been distracted for days, babe." Ali pointed out carefully, not wanting to risk upsetting Ashlyn when something was clearly already bothering her. Ashlyn didn't say anything so Ali sighed and turned around to face her, placing her hand on top of Ashlyn's to still her movements. "I think we should talk."

"About what?" Ashlyn asked in a low voice, avoiding eye-contact at all costs.

"You know about what. You've been acting strange ever since you got cleared for work. I know that you’re worried." She gave Ashlyn's hand a soft squeeze and waited until her eyes met hers before adding, "Talk to me. Maybe it’ll help."

"I…" Ashlyn started but then hesitated, her eyes flickering down again. "It's nothing."

"Tell me."

"Just let it go." Ashlyn slightly raised her voice.

Ali rolled her eyes in annoyance and let go of Ashlyn’s hand. "How is our relationship ever going to work if you don't talk to me? Didn’t we have a similar conversation just recently? Christ Ashlyn.”

Ashlyn's eyes widened. "Ali…"

"Just… save it." Ali interrupted her, holding up her hand to emphasize her words. She shook her head and abruptly turned around on her heels. "I'll go take a shower."

"Ali…" Ashlyn tried again but it was already too late. She watched helplessly as Ali stormed out of the kitchen, slumping against the counter with tears welling up in her eyes. 

A few minutes later, Ali sighed as she stepped under the shower, letting the warm water and hot steam envelop her. She was just about to grab the bottle of shampoo when the sound of the shower door sliding open made her jump a bit. She turned around and her eyes met wide hazel ones. 

"Can I join you?" Ashlyn shivered, her arms wrapped around her torso protectively. 

Ali softened instantly. She nodded and stepped backwards to give Ashlyn some room. She watched as Ashlyn carefully stepped under the spray of water, her shoulders hunched, and a wave of protectiveness surged through her body.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly as she moved closer to Ashlyn. The taller woman gazed back at her and nodded weakly. Ali was silent for a moment, wondering if she had been too hard on her. "Are you sure?"

“Please don’t break up with me.”

“What?” Ali narrowed her eyes in confusion. Then she remembered what she had said and how Ashlyn tended to take things more literal now, and her heart stopped. “No. No, honey, that’s not what I meant. I was just trying to make a point.” 

Ashlyn’s whole body seemed to deflate with relief as Ali brushed the hair away from her face. The patch that had been shaved had started to grow back, but Ali was all too aware of what was hidden beneath it. 

“Oh.” Ashlyn seemed a bit embarrassed about her freak-out. “I thought…”

Ali smiled sadly when Ashlyn trailed off. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”

“I just need… some time. To gather my thoughts.”

“Okay.” Ali agreed easily, and leaned in to kiss her.

\-----

When Ali woke up that night, she was confused to find herself in bed by herself. She blearily cracked her eyes open and quickly scanned the room in search of Ashlyn. She saw that the bathroom light wasn't on and concern flooded her body, not knowing where else the blonde could be in the middle of the night. She quickly threw the covers off herself and slipped out of bed.

"Ashlyn?" She called out softly as she entered the living room, slowing down to a stop when she saw her. The window was open and Ashlyn was sitting on the ledge, kicking her legs back and forth. 

Ali watched her momentarily, a worried expression twitching her features, before walking up to her. "Hey, what are you doing out of bed?"

"I couldn't sleep." Ashlyn mumbled, not looking up.

“Does your head hurt?” Ali asked.

“No.”

Ali pursed her lips and carefully took a seat next to her, keeping some space between them. Her eyes flickered to the silent streets before them and back to hazel orbs that looked distant and sad. "Do you need me to give you some space?”

“No, that’s okay."

A silence fell over them. Ali tried to think of the right words to say but it seemed like Ashlyn had zoned out a bit so she decided to stay silent. 

"You should go back to bed."

"Not without you." Ali protested.

Ashlyn sighed, realizing that it wouldn’t be fair to dismiss Ali again. “I’ve just been thinking about a lot of stuff. Not just work.”

“Okay.” Ali said, waiting for her to elaborate. 

“When I was… asleep… I could hear you talking. I could hear all of you talking. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t wake up. It was really scary.” She glanced at Ali who gave her an encouraging nod. “And then I woke up and Chris was there and my mom… At first I thought I was still asleep because why else would my mom be there?”

Ali had been wondering when Ashlyn would bring this up. “I didn’t know if you wanted her to be there but Chris seemed happy with her support and she seemed so worried.”

“I’m sure she was.” Ashlyn said. “Like I told you before, our relationship is complicated but it’s not like we _never_ saw each other. Do you know what she told me?”

“No babe.” Ali said patiently.

“She promised me that she stopped drinking and I believe her. I just wonder why she couldn’t sober up before… when Chris and I needed her.” She sighed and looked down at her lap. “And why did it take me almost dying for her to reach out and show me she loves me?”

“I don’t know.” Ali answered truthfully. “I think you should talk to her.”

“I don’t know if I want to hear what she has to say.”

Ali scooted closer to her, resting her head against her shoulder. “Is that why you’ve been ignoring her calls?”

“Yes.”

“Well, maybe we should invite her over for dinner. Some time next week.”

“Maybe.”

Ali smiled a little and kissed her on the cheek. “Just consider it.”

“Okay.” Ashlyn said, then, “Can we just sit here for a while?”

“Of course.” Ali replied sweetly. “For as long as you want.”

“Maybe not too long. It’s cold.”

Ali laughed softly. “Okay.”

\---

Ali was on her way to Ashlyn’s office when Ted stopped her. He pulled her aside to talk to her, apparently not wanting the other officers to overhear their conversation.

“So it’s good to have Ashlyn back.” He said, looking at her with a slightly worried expression.

Ali tilted her head questioningly. “Is this your way of asking me how she is? Because she got cleared for duty, and she can talk for herself.”

“Woah, no need to get so defensive.” He chuckled slightly, then got more serious. “Of course I know that she got cleared for duty or she wouldn’t be here. I got her working small cases for now until she finds her footing again.”

Ali nodded slowly. “Okay. Then what is it?”

“I didn’t want to have this conversation before for obvious reasons…”

“What conversation?” Ali asked impatiently.

“Well, since you and Ashlyn are dating I just want to remind you of what I told her before. I’m fine with it as long as it doesn’t intervene with your job. Keep things professional.”

Ali was a bit annoyed that he felt the need to remind her of this, but she understood that he wanted to treat her the same as he treated everyone else and she appreciated that. “Of course.” She said. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Great.” Ted smiled and briefly squeezed her shoulder. “And please no sneaking around my back again. Things might’ve ended differently if you, Kyle and Chris had come to me sooner.”

Ali looked at him for a moment. “Can you blame me? You were convinced that Ashlyn did it to herself and wouldn’t listen to me.”

“That was what all the evidence was pointing to.” He said, and then sighed. “But what’s done is done. It’s time to start moving on.”

“Did you hear anything about Spencer?”

Ted shook his head. “Nothing new, really. From what I’ve gathered, the virus is basically slowly destroying his organs, and they don’t know what to do because it’s so rare and they don’t know what they’re dealing with exactly.” Ali shuddered at the thought of almost being injected by it. “It doesn’t look like he’ll survive.”

“But Spencer told me that there was treatment…”

“It seems like he lied.” 

Ali rubbed the back of her neck in thought. “Well, I can’t say I’ll be sad to hear he died.”

Ted gave her a small smile. “Me neither, kid.” 

They parted and Ali walked up to Ashlyn’s office. She knocked on the door and waited for a soft ‘come in’ before she went inside. A smile formed on her face when her eyes landed on Ashlyn. She was sitting at her desk, brow furrowed in concentration, typing on the computer.

She looked up at Ali. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Ali said as she closed the door behind her. “What’s gotten you so busy?”

“Just catching up on some paperwork.” Ashlyn said, squinting at the screen.

Ali nodded and sat down on the edge of her desk. “Well, don’t overdo it.”

She didn’t mean to sound patronizing or anything like that. She just knew that staring at a computer for too long could cause a headache. Luckily, Ashlyn didn’t take it in a bad way and just smiled at her. 

“So, are you happy to be back?”

“I guess. Everyone was so nice to me this morning.” She paused and slightly scrunched up her nose. “I don’t know what I was so worried about.”

Ali smiled and looked at her for a moment. “I went out to get some lunch. I can just drop it off and leave if you don’t have time.”

“No, I’d love to have lunch with you.” Ashlyn was quick to reassure her, getting to her feet. “I missed you even though we last saw each other this morning. Isn’t that disgusting?”

“I was thinking about how gross we are just earlier today.”

“Do we care though?”

“Nope.” Ali placed her hand on Ashlyn’s hip to pull her closer until Ashlyn leaned down to give her a quick kiss. 

“So, what did you bring me?”

“Oh, nothing special.” Ali rummaged through the bag she was holding and took out two chicken parmesan sandwiches before handing one to Ashlyn.

“Thanks.” Ashlyn sat down again and took a bite of the sandwich, humming in delight. “This is amazing. You’re the best, Al.”

“You're welcome. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something.” She said, and Ashlyn nodded, silently telling her to go on. “I was invited to speak at a forensics research conference.” 

“You were?” Ashlyn asked in surprise but also excitement. “That’s great. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I only got the email this morning.” Ali explained. “It’s in two weeks and it’s in Houston so I’ll be gone for a few days.”

“You should definitely go! It’s a big deal.”

Ali forced a tight-lipped smile onto her face and reached out to wipe some sauce off the corner of her girlfriend’s mouth. “You’ll be okay, right?”

She didn’t mean to discredit Ashlyn in any way, but this would be the first time they’d be apart after all that had happened and she couldn’t help but be a bit anxious. They had grown so close, and she was so attuned to Ashlyn’s needs, her conversations. The thought of Ashlyn being alone when she had one of her attacks or couldn’t sleep unsettled her, although she knew better than to tell Ashlyn that, knowing she could take it the wrong way. 

“I’ll be fine, Al.” Ashlyn’s soft voice brought her back to reality.

“Okay.”

When the couple had finished eating their sandwiches, Ashlyn groaned and clasped her hands together over her stomach, closing her eyes. “I’m so full I don’t think I’ll be able to move for the rest of the day.” She complained. 

“You’ll be fine, big baby.” Ali said before leaning towards her to give her a kiss, knowing nobody could see them anyway. “I should get back to work but I’ll see you later, okay?” 

“Okay.” Ashlyn mumbled, slowly opening her eyes. “I’ll make us dinner tonight.” 

“If you want to.” Ali said. 

“Hmm.” Ashlyn hummed with a smile. "I want to spend a quiet night at home with my beautiful girlfriend.”

The corners of Ali’s eyes crinkled as she smiled widely. “Well, that can be arranged.”


End file.
